Oranges and lemons (and more things the bells said)

An explanation of a rather confusing nursery rhyme

In our January issue, we have a zesty, juicy collection of recipes by Lia Leendertz all using oranges and lemons (and other citrus fruits too). And it got us wondering, why do the bells of St Clements say ‘oranges and lemons’? And in fact, what on earth were all those other bells in the nursery rhyme on about, too? Well, we found out, and we’ll tell you. 

What did the bells of St Clements say?

“Oranges and lemons.”

Why?

St Clement Danes church is on The Strand. The oranges and lemons refer to the fruits that would have been unloaded on the wharves nearby. 

What did the bells of St Martin’s say?

“You owe me five farthings”

Why?

Presumably because not much else rhymes with ‘Martin’s’, but the farthings also apparently refer to the money lenders who worked near St Martin’s in Orgar church just off Cannon Street. 

What did the bells of Old Bailey ask?

“When will you pay me?”

Why?

Well, actually, they didn’t at all. This is a complex one. The Old Bailey of course has no bell at all, being a court rather than a church. The bells referred to are thought to belong to the church of St Sepulchre Without Newgate and the bell of Newgate Prison, located opposite. Newgate would have housed debtors who would then have been tried at The Old Bailey, hence ‘when will you pay me?’

What did the bells of Shoreditch reply?

“When I grow rich?”

Why?

This one’s a bit sarcastic. The bells belong to St Leonard’s church in Hackney, an area that at the time was particularly poor and known for being home to Shakespearean actors, who were definitely not known for their wealth. No one within sound of St Leonard’s would have had much hope of ever growing rich.

What did the bells of Stepney ask?

“When will that be?”

Why?

St Dunstan’s church in Stepney High Street was known as ‘the church of the seas’ as many sailors are buried here. ‘When will that be’ is thought to refer to the wives of the sailors who might have to wait years for them to return with their wages. 

What did the great bell of Bow boom?

“I do not know”

Why?

We don’t know either. What we do know is that the great bell of Box probably refers not to Bow Church but to the bells of Mary-le-Box in Cheapside. 

As for the candle to light you to bed and the chopper to chop off your head, the candle is said to refer to the Bellman of St Sepulchre who would visit condemned prisoners at midnight, by candlelight to inform them of their fate. The choppers are exactly what you think. Ouch.

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History | women on walls

Celebrating some of the women who have featured on London’s blue plaques

Having a blue plaque (or any other colour plaque) in your local area is a bit exciting, isn’t it? Whether you’ve got a little-known local philanthropist or a world-famous philosopher, it’s quite a thrill to think of that person coming and going from that very property on that very street all those years ago. 

Since 2016, English Heritage, which runs London’s Blue Plaque scheme, has been campaigning to encourage more nominations for blue plaques representing women. Just 14% of blue plaques currently represent females, and English Heritage wants that to change. In the last year, half of the blue plaques that have been put have been for women, but still only a third of the nominations are for them. You can help change that by making a nomination yourself. Here’s how to do it.

In the meantime, here are five fascinating females who have been commemorated with plaques all over the country through various schemes to inspire you to make a nomination of your own. 

Violette Szabo

Listen very carefully, we shall say this only once… Intriguingly commemorated with the words ‘Secret agent lived here – she gave her life for the French Resistance’ Szabo was a spy in the second world war who was tortured and executed by the Nazis. 

Marie Stopes

Stopes has a plaque in Upper Norwood, London as a ‘promoter of sex education and birth control’. Less glamorous than some of the artists and writers commemorated perhaps, but far more life-changing for us women of today. 

Mary Hughes

Charmingly listed as ‘Friend of all in Need’ on the side of 71A Vallance Road, east London, Mary Hughes was a social worker who acquired the pub The Earl Grey at Vallance Road and turned it into a teetotal refuge for the homeless, The Dewdrop Inn (do drop in). 

Doreen Valiente

Commemorated on the side of a block of council flats in Tyson Place, Brighton you’ll find an unlikely plaque to the ‘mother of modern witchcraft’. Valiente (1922-1999) cast her first spell as a teenager, on a woman she thought was harassing her mother at work. She worked as a translator at Bletchley Park during the Second World War and settled in Brighton later in life as part of the Silver Malkin coven. 

Dolly the Sheep

Commemorated at the Roslin Institute in Edinburgh, where she lived her entire life, dear Dolly was the first cloned sheep and died of lung disease in 2003.

If you’re inspired to take a walk round your neighbourhood appreciating the bits of local history lurking there, don’t miss our feature, Up Town by The Simple Things’ editor, Lisa Sykes, in which we learn to appreciate the towns and villages we grew up in - we’ve even include an Eye Spy spotters’ guide for you!

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Sponsored post | Nature done well

For a fresh-air break where you can enjoy hills, woodland and coast in comfort, with or without the kids, head west to fforest in Wales

A holiday connecting with nature needn’t involve draughty canvas, muddy waterproofs and a 10-mile hike to find good coffee. Get the best of both worlds and head somewhere you can enjoy the beauty and stillness of nature knowing there are a few of modern life’s essentials to hand.

One holiday expert that manages this balancing act well is fforest. Surrounded by a nature reserve and set in its own 200 acres of rural bliss, the main site is minutes from the beautiful beaches of the west Wales coast – and that’s pretty much all you could ask for in terms of comfort. 

You choose

The varied accommodation has options for couples, families or groups of friends. Or there’s the Onsen Dome, a rather special choice, where everything is designed with comfort in mind: solid wood floor, woodburning stove, made-to-measure furnishings, a gorgeous countryside view from the giant bay window and your very own Japanese-style bathhouse with soaking tub – a world away from everyone and everything. What’s great for keeping the adults happy isn’t always what the children want to do every day. That’s only natural. At fforest, they’ve everything covered, from relaxation to activity, creativity, solitude or community fun. Plus, throughout the year there are special events such as fun-packed breaks with the children (and the dog), romantic getaways, festivals of food and creativity or time for reflection or learning new skills.

Family fun

Easter, Whitsun, summer and halloween are the times when things are geared especially towards the children, with seasonal activities that everyone will enjoy, as well as guided walks, canoe trips through the Teifi gorge, home-cooked food, the huge camp firepit, film nights, a cedar barrel sauna in the woods and local ales in their tiny stone pub. 

A new kind of holiday

Even festival-going families are catered for at fforest – with Gather, Wales’s smallest, most intimate festival, a family-friendly week of creative adventures in nature, music, arts, making, growing and simple pleasures. There are also workshops, talks and films, with fantastic food from both the fforest team and guest chefs. For this event, you can bring your own tent or campervan.

A very grown-up affair

For a proper child-free escape, as well as the Onsen Dome, there’s Ty Fforest Farmhouse (ideal for groups), the crog lofts, the garden shacs or the hill shacs. Or time your stay with one of fforest’s grown-up events: Feast, a celebration of local food and drink, in spring and winter, where you’ll tuck into eight courses served at long tables in the cedar barn.  Glow, a creative weekend where women come together to learn and share skills, ideas and stories. Gran ffondo, a four-day retreat for cyclists, based at fforest. Spend days flying through wooded valleys, over hills and along the coast. At night, relax in the pub or around a fire to a great soundtrack, of course.

10% OFF THE QUIETER TIMES

The Simple Things readers can book a Shine Bed and Breakfast midweek stay for 2020 in any fforest accommodation with 10% off. Great for pre-school families, grown-ups, or for an active break exploring the beaches and coast path of Cardigan Bay. Check-in is at the fforest stone pub on Monday (for a two or four-night stay) or Wednesday for a two-night stay. Book using the code SIMPLE10 at coldatnight.co.uk

Terms & conditions The discount code can be applied to any Shine bed & breakfast holiday from 15 June to 24 July 2020 and 31 August to 18 September 2020 for stays at fforest, subject to availability. fforest’s standard cancellation policy applies. General T&Cs can be found on the fforest website coldatnight.co.uk

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Recipe | leek, butter bean and white wine casserole

Hearty beans and sweet alliums makes this meat-free casserole a modern winter warmer

Ingredients

2 tbsp olive oil
3 small leeks, sliced
2 cloves garlic, sliced
250ml white wine 
¼ tsp chilli flakes 
2 x 400g tins butter beans, drained and rinsed 
750ml vegetable stock 
1 tbsp lemon juice
1 small bunch of parsley, roughly chopped

1 Heat the oil in a large saucepan, add the leeks and garlic with a good pinch of salt and cook over a gentle heat until softened.

2 Add the white wine, chilli flakes, butter beans and vegetable stock, and simmer for 10-15 mins. Stir in the lemon juice and chopped parsley, then season to taste.

This recipe is from our feature Midwinter Food for Friends with plant-based recipes by Lottie Storey, including beetroot and dukkah-topped seed crackers, radicchio with orange and mustard dressing, potato and celeriac mash with shallots and chocolate and Guinness cake with coconut cream. A lovely menu whether you’re a lifelong vegan, are throwing yourself into Veganuary with vigour, or just fancy trying something new. All in the January issue, in shops now.

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Sponsored post | Go with the slow

From the elegant Loire valley to India’s spice hills, there’s a holiday already planned for you here

When it comes to holiday inspiration to spark a new decade of discovery, Yorkshire-based experts Inntravel are full of ideas. Here are 10 possibilities for 2020 (and beyond)

A slow holiday – whether on foot, by bike or by rail – enables you to take yourself away from the everyday, and gives you the freedom to go at your own pace. The recipe is never quite the same, but Inntravel ensures that four key ingredients – leisurely discovery, beautiful scenery, delicious regional food and welcoming, characterful accommodation – are always part of the mix. Add to this meticulously planned routes and expertly compiled guides, and you can be sure of getting the most from your time away.

These carefully crafted, self-guided holidays (no groups!) are highly flexible and can be tailored to individual needs. Meet local people, savour delicious food and wine, and enjoy fine hospitality as you explore beautiful countryside and vibrant cities – feeling revitalised and refreshed as a result.

1 The best of Slovenia
Inntravel’s cultural journey by train feels like this pocket-sized country’s ‘greatest hits’. You travel from the Alps to the Adriatic, with time to admire picturesque Lake Bled – and Europe’s loveliest capital, Ljubljana – en route.

2 India’s intoxicating south Spice hills, coast and backwaters
This fascinating journey through Karnataka and Kerala reveals four very special communities.

3 Manor houses of the Minho
The Portuguese believe the verdant Minho to be the most beautiful corner of their country. After a week’s gentle walking here, with stays at historic mansions, you’ll be inclined to agree.

4 Austria’s lakes and mountains
Strolling through Salzkammergut enables you to experience probably the best scenery that the Austrian Alps have to offer.

5 Mountains and villages of Mallorca
A spectacular week’s walking in the island’s north-western corner will blow away all your preconceptions and leave you longing to return.

6 A walk in the Black Forest
The Black Forest is loved by Germans for its enchanting walking trails and its Hansel and Gretel charm. Fine gastronomy is an additional treat.

7 Châteaux of the Loire
On this leisurely cycling route through France’s picturesque Loire Valley, there are magnificent châteaux to visit and elegant wines to enjoy.

8 Pedalling through Puglia
Discover the unspoiled landscapes of Italy’s ‘deep south’ on this cycling holiday through timeless countryside and along both the Adriatic and Ionian coasts.

9 Zermatt and the mighty Matterhorn
On this varied four-night walking break, explore chic Zermatt before wandering amid the splendour of the High Alps, admiring the Matterhorn’s iconic peak.

10 Hills and dales of Yorkshire
Walk from the imperious ruins of Middleham Castle to the elegant streets of Richmond as you take in a very special corner of Yorkshire, Inntravel’s home county

FREE BETTYS LUXURY GIFT BOX full of fine continental treats (worth £75) for each Inntravel holiday booking of six nights or more made by 31 March 2020. Exclusive to readers of The Simple Things. Quote ‘The Simple Things’ at time of booking.

For more on Inntravel’s extensive collection of Slow Holidays, visit inntravel.co.uk or call 01653 617777 to speak to their expert team.

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Unboxings | Blue Peter time capsules

At the turn of the year, we often think about what’s behind and what’s ahead. Join us on a trip to the past and future, and tell us what we should put in our Simple Things time capsule!

Just the number 2020, sounds a bit futuristic doesn’t it? And it’s got us thinking about our connections to the future, what we’d want someone to know about life now in hundreds of years time. Of course, these days, our descendants will have endless records of what life was like for us in the form of the internet, but back when we were in short trousers and all this was fields, we knew the most reliable way to capture information about our present for future generations was through a Blue Peter time capsule. The whole of the internet is one thing, but it’s not half so exciting as digging up a capsule Peter Purves buried, is it?

So here’s the story of a few Blue Peter time capsules and what happened to them…

The 1971 capsule

Unearthed: 2000, with the aid of a map, defying the pervasive urban myth that the BBC had lost the plans that detailed the place of its burial. 

Buried by: Valerie Singleton, John Noakes and Peter Purves

The first ever Blue Peter Time Capsule was buried in 1971 in front of BBC TV Centre. The idea seemed to be that it would be opened at the start of the new millennium, giving children we all assumed would be wearing space suits and watching Blue Peter being streamed directly into their brains by Davros from Dr Who, an insight into a simpler time. But what did they choose to bury for posterity? 

What was inside? A set of decimal coins that were introduced that year (in retrospect, some of those haven’t changed so a set of pre-decimalisation coins might have been a better choice), a Blue Peter Annual from 1970 (which sadly got rather waterlogged), and photos of the three presenters (who were there when it was dug up again in 2000). 

What makes it special? This capsule has an air of mystery about it. The producers in 2000 made the decision not to broadcast the opening of the time capsule live just in case nothing had survived. Most of it had survived, albeit in rather dank state, but it became clear during filming that the items inside had been rewrapped at some point… This was likely when the capsule was moved to a new site in the Blue Peter garden during redevelopment work. We prefer to think it was the ghost of Shep, getting busy with the sticky-back plastic. (OK, we only said it had an air of mystery…) It also had a distinct air of cheese about it. The opening of the capsule can be watched on YouTube, with the presenters heard to be loudly commenting on the stench. No one wrinkles their nose like Valerie Singleton. 

The 1984 capsule

Unearthed: 2000

Buried by: Simon Groom, Janet Ellis and Peter Duncan

The second time capsule was buried along with the first (which had to be moved) in the Blue Peter Garden. 

What was inside? Some of Goldie the dog’s hair (??!) - we can only assume the hope was that by 2020 Goldie could be cloned using her own DNA and reborn. Also a record of the Blue Peter theme tune, arranged by Mike Oldfield, and video footage of the statue of Petra (the original Blue Peter dog) being moved (there wasn’t much newsworthy happening in 1984, clearly).

What makes it special? Dead dog hair is pretty unusual, we’ll give it that. We wonder how Mike Oldfield felt about it.

The millennium capsule (1998)

Yet to be opened but scheduled for 2050

Buried by: Katy Hill and Richard Bacon beneath the Millennium Dome, London, as it was being built. 

What is inside? As well as the usual Blue Peter ephemera, they also buried a set of Tellytubby dolls, an insulin pen and a France 98 football. 

What makes it special? It’s the most well-travelled Blue Peter time capsule. In 2017 the box was damaged when a builder at the dome had an accidental  ‘here’s one I buried earlier’ moment and dug it up unknowingly. The capsule was taken back to the BBC in Salford and restored, but it was decided that rather than rebury it the contents would go on tour to mark the show’s 60th birthday in 2018, meeting with ex-presenters at various spots around the country. After the Tellytubbies had enjoyed their airing the capsule went to the National Archives where it will be stored until it is opened in 2050. 

The 2000 capsule

Yet to be opened but scheduled for 2029

Buried by: Katy Hill, Konnie Huq, Simon Thomas and Matt Baker at BBC TV Centre. Later moved to Media City in Salford when the show decamped there.

This capsule was buried when the first two were unearthed… Well, when you’ve already got a dug hole, why would you not?

What is inside? The 29th Blue Peter book, details about the presenters, some video programme highlights, ,a gold medallion and set of badges to mark the 40th anniversary of the show in 1998 and - this is our favourite - instructions on how to make a George the Tortoise toy! The presenters also added items of their own: a CD from Konnie, an old mobile from Simon Thomas, a ring from Katy from her Mongolia trip and from Matt Baker, a Geordie phrasebook. 

What makes is special? Clearly, the George the Tortoise project! With only 19 years to wait, we’re counting down to this one. 

The Diamond capsule (2018)

Yet to be opened but scheduled for 2050

Buried by: Not buried at all, but kept in the National Archives. This capsule was stored by the winner of a Blue Peter competition as well as a raft of presenters past and present: Radzi Chinyanganya, Lindsey Russell, Valerie Singleton, Peter Purves, Janet Ellis and Katy Hill.

The Diamond Time Capsule was stored to mark 60 years of Blue Peter and is due to be opened in its 80th anniversary year. 

What’s inside? Viewers sent in suggestions in their thousands. The programme whittled that down to a list of 20 and then there was a viewers’ vote for the final ten, which is as follows:

2018 set of UK coins and notes
Souvenir from the Royal Wedding between Prince Harry and Meghan Markle
World map with endangered animals in 2018 plus memory stick with a list of critically endangered animals as registered on The IUCN Red List of Threatened Species
World Cup 2018 sticker book
DVD of The Greatest Showman
Bestselling children’s book of 2018 – David Walliams’ The World’s Worst Children 3
Smartphone
British passport (previously belonging to Ewan Vinnicombe the current Blue Peter Editor!)
Fidget spinner
Chart music from 2018 – Now That’s What I Call Music 100 CD and tracks on memory stick

What’s special about it? It’s the only one of the time capsules never to be buried outdoors. Lessons were learned from the smell of damp Stilton emanating from the 1971 capsule, it seems. Where’s the fun in that though?

You can read more about time capsules in our January issue’s Miscellany. 

Now help us fill our Simple Things time capsule

We’d forgotten just how much we love a time capsule and we thought, just for fun, we might put together our own Simple Things time capsule full of things that are very TST in 2020. Tell us what you’re like us to put in it and we’ll get a capsule together* and bury it in a secret (or simply as yet undecided) location in the spring. Maybe one day we can open it and reminisce about how simple things were much more simple back in 2020…

*Disclaimer: this may well be a Family Circle biscuit tin. We’re not the BBC, you know.

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The quieter you are, the more you hear

A moment of quiet to end the year

This chalkboard featured on the back cover of our October 2015 issue, but we thought it was worth looking at again. The last weeks of December can feel a bit fraught, even when they are full of fun, and a moment of quiet is sometimes all we need to calm our minds and be open to ‘hearing’ more. .

Whether you’re out on the tiles tonight, gathering with friends or celebrating the end of 2019 peacefully at home with a book and an early night, we hope you find a moment to practise being quiet and hearing a little better. Who knows what you might discover in a moment of silence?

Here’s to a peaceful 2020.

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Words | backronyms and snackronyms

Some word-related fun to take with you on a winter walk..

A trail mix is comfort food at its most smug, and we’re right behind that. While you’re popping delicious gem-sized pieces of colourful dried fruits and nuts into your mouth (and maybe some chocolate in there, too) you can also feel the glow of fuelling your body with something healthy and homemade. 

There’s something about the words ‘trail mix’ that make you feel like you could face anything on a winter walk. Doesn’t the idea of being on a ‘trail’ rather than just a bit of a ramble make you feel like you are striding out with purpose? 

While we were putting together our On The Trail feature for our January issue, we discovered, to our delight, that there are several other even better names for trail mix. 

In North America, trail mix is often known as ‘gorp’, probably derived from the early 20th century term ‘to gorp’ or ‘to eat greedily’. Since then, however, gorp has become an acronym for Good Old Raisins and Peanuts or sometimes, more specifically, Granola, Oats, Raisins, Peanuts. It’s what’s known as a ‘backronym’: an acronym that was created to fit a word after the event, rather than a word that was created as an acronym. 

In Australia, trail mix is known as ‘scroggin’, a 1940s word which later came to stand for Sultanas, Chocolate, Raisins, Orange peel, Ginger, Glucose (sugar), Imagination (whatever you like), Nuts. Others, insist it stands for Sultanas, Chocolate, Raisins, Other Good thinGs Including Nuts.

Next time we head out on a winter walk we are definitely going to be making some of the trail mix recipes featured in our January issue and pictured above. Trail Mix is a very fine snack - Something Nice And Comforting (from the) Kitchen.

The trail mix recipes and warming soups for a winter walk featured in our January issue were taken from Delicious Wintertime: The Cookbook for Cold Weather Adventures by Markus Sӓmmer (Gestalten).

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Fun | the season's groaniest panto jokes

It’s that time of year again (oh no, it isn’t!) Here are some of the panto world’s cheesiest jokes to bring a smile to grey January days

In our January issue’s Cups of Tea page, we spoke to Tess Biles of The Theatre: Chipping Norton about what her day is like in cups of tea during panto season. 

Inspired by that, we’ve gathered together a few of our favourite panto jokes here. We hope you enjoy them as much as we did. And if you’re looking for our usually sophisticated Simple Things sense of humour… it’s BEHIND you!!

A pantomime horse walks into a bar. The barman says ‘Fancy a pint?’ The horse says ‘No, two halves, thanks.’

Q: What kind of pet did Aladdin have?
A: A flying car-pet.

Q: What’s beautiful, grey and wears glass slippers?
A: Cinerellephant.

Q: Who in Treasure Island has a parrot that cries "Pieces of four, Pieces of four " ?
A: Short John Silver !

Q: Why does Dick Whittington have a beard?
A: Because eight out of ten owners know that their cats prefer whiskers.

Q: What did Cinderella say when the chemist mislaid her photos?
A: Some day my prints will come.

And finally, a one-liner for panto time…

I used to have a job as a pantomime horse, but I quit while I was a head.

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How to | do Christmas leftovers better

Photography: Mowie Kay

If you’re about to embark on a week of turkey curry and risotto, stop. Hold our eggnog. We’ve got this. 

We don’t know about you, but much as we love a Christmas lunch, it’s the leftovers that get us really excited. A classic turkey and stuffing sandwich or two is a must, but there are plenty more ways to deal with The Rest of the Bird, and a hundred things to do with your other Christmas leftovers that don’t just involve bubble and squeak. Here are a few of The Simple Things staff’s favourites:

Turkey tonnato (enough for 4)

A tasty Italian lunch

Whizz 100g of mayo, a tin of tuna, the juice of half a lemon and a tbsp of capers together in a blender and set aside. It should be quite thin so it can be drizzled. You may need to loosen it with a little water. Slice enough turkey breast for 4 and lay on a plate. Drizzle over the tuna mayo sauce. Decorate the top with criss-crossed anchovies with little capers in between. Serve with rocket and crusty bread. 

Red cabbage pickle

Fancy up a cold lunch in a flash.

Toss leftover red cabbage with equal parts red wine vinegar and caster sugar. Add a good slug of salt. Cover tightly and leave in fridge for an hour. Serve on Scandi style open sandwiches with leftover smoked salmon, white meat or cheese. 

Nut roast falafel in pitta

A simple and delicious dinner for Boxing Day

Crumble leftover nut roast, then mix with a couple of tablespoons of hummus and some crumbled feta and season well. You can add chopped chill or other herbs if you wish. The amount of hummus and feta will depend on how much nut roast you have left but the mixture should be not too sticky and able to be formed into balls. Roll teaspoon sized lumps of the mix into balls. Pop on a baking tray and cook at 180 fan for approx 10 mins, until the falafels are golden. Serve with pitta, salad, tzatziki and any extras you like. 

Christmas pud truffles

Because all puddings should bring you joy at least twice

Break up and crumble  any leftover pud. Melt a few squares of dark chocolate in the microwave or on the hob. Stir into the crumbled pud and mix well. Add leftover Christmas booze if you wish. Roll the mixture into little bite-sized balls. Melt a little white chocolate and drizzle over the top to look like brandy cream. Put the truffles in the fridge to set. 

All the above recipes should be served with a glow of satisfaction at having used your leftovers well and not become thoroughly sick of the whole festive season. We were inspired to write this blog by the amazing Brussles Sprouts Christmas Tree pictured above. The recipe is from LEAF: Lettuce, Greens, Herbs, Weeds by Catherine Phipps, with photography by Mowie Kay (Quadrille) and we’ve printed the whole recipe in our December issue. One the shops are open again, pop out and buy it (or click on the link below to have it delivered to your door) you’ll find it on p94. You won’t find a better use for your leftover sprouts. 

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Go | Lands of make believe

Festive fictional settings that have made their way onto our travel bucket list

One of the best things about Christmas is getting to revisit the familiar fictional places we associate with the season… From Charles Dickens’ London as we walk in Scrooge’s footsteps, to Nelson Mandela House as Delboy and Rodney prepare to sell their ‘telescopic Christmas trees’. From Mrs Prothero’s garden in Dylan Thomas’s ‘A Child’s Christmas in Wales’ to Kevin McCallister’s suburban Chicago house as he is left ‘Home Alone’.

As we put together our December issue, the staff of The Simple Things wrote about the Christmassy books, films, TV shows, podcasts and more that we love to revisit every year. And we want to know what yours are too. They don’t need to be Christmassy. We’d just love to hear about the fictional place you would visit if you could, from Narnia to Neverland.

To get you in the spirit, Iona Bower, our Editor at large, waxes lyrical below about the Box of Delights and how she loves to revisit Tatchester in the run-up to Christmas each year. You can read the rest of our favourite fictional places in the December issue in our feature ‘Watch with Santa’.

Christmas for me is all about the anticipation. A big part of that is a 1984 children’s TV series. I was six when The Box of Delights (based on John Masefield’s book) first aired, beginning on 19 November and running each week until Christmas Eve. And I try to watch it on those same dates each year. Kay Harker is on his way home for Christmas when he encounters twinkly-eyed Cole Hawlings and his Box of Delights, leading to all sorts of thrilling adventures that children today would scoff at but which left me open-mouthed. All the time, snow falls and carols sing on in the background. The opening titles music is perhaps the most Christmassy thing you will ever hear. Every year when I put on a log fire and hear those strings, I’m six again. When dreams might be real and all that matters is Kay getting to Tatchester Cathedral on Christmas Eve, in time to save the whole festive season.

Do post your favourite fictional destinations, whether festive or no, in the comments below or let us know about them on Facebook or Instagram.

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Pedantry | Christmas carols

From misheard lyrics, to misspelled words to misplaced punctuation, here are a few carols that aren’t quite as they used to be.

Hark! The who?

Originally called ‘Hymn for Christmas Day’, the words by Charles Wesley opened with: ‘Hark how all the Welkin rings’. Wolcen is an old English word meaning ‘sky’ or ‘heavens’ so refer to the heavens ringing. But as time went on, few people knew what a Welkin was. The words we know today: ‘Hark! The herald angels sing’ came about when George Whitefield rewrote the carol in 1754.

Four which birds?

You didn’t imagine it. When you were little it was definitely ‘Four colly birds’ in ‘The Twelve Days of Christmas’. A colly bird is another name for a blackbird (presumably to go with your partridge, French hens and turtle doves). The song was originally published as a rhyme, without music, in 1780. In a 1909 version by Frederic Austin, which set the rhyme to the tune we know today, the colly birds were changed to ‘calling’ birds, or songbirds. Blackbirds are known for their pretty song so it was only really the name that was changed, not the beast itself. The two versions are both still sung but as time goes on we’re hearing more calling birds than colly birds. Make a stand at your next carol concert and bring those colly birds back!

Mysterious merry gentlemen

God rest ye merry gentlemen. Sounds simple enough, doesn’t it? Gentlemen tend to get a bit merry at Christmas. Might do them good to have a bit of a sit down and a night off the sauce?

In fact, the phrase means something more like: ‘Stay mighty, old chaps.’

The song has its roots in the Middle Ages, when ‘merry’ meant ‘mighty’ (think of Robin Hood’s merry men) and ‘rest’ meant ‘stay’. So ‘rest you merry’ means ‘stay strong’.

At some point in the carol’s history a comma also dropped off, concealing the fact that the words don’t mean ‘Stay, merry gentlemen’ but rather ‘God keep you strong, gentlemen’.

We don’t know about you, but we rather need a tipple after all that, too.

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More from our December issue…

More on Christmas carols…

Recipe: Fizzy amaretto sours

Prosecco lends festive sparkle to this almondy tipple

Makes 1

2 shots amaretto
1 shot lemon juice
½ shot sugar syrup (see below)
Prosecco
Sliced lemon and cocktail cherries, to serve

1. To make sugar syrup, combine equal volumes of water and sugar (a cup of each, say) in a saucepan, heat gently till the sugar dissolves, leave to cool and store in a bottle or jar.

2. Pile a glass with ice and then pour in the amaretto, lemon juice and syrup before topping with the prosecco. Mix carefully with a spoon and serve with a slice of lemon and a cherry.

Merry Midwinter from The Simple Things!

This cocktail recipe was first published in December 2016. Get hold of your copy of this month's The Simple Things - buy, download or subscribe

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More tipples to tickle your fancy…

Make | molten chocolate oranges

These oozing chocolate treats can be cooked in the embers of a winter barbecue

Whether you’re having a few friends over for a Yule bonfire and some outdoor snacks, or are going ambitious and cooking your whole Christmas lunch outdoors (see our Gathering feature in the December issue) these chocolate puds will put a smile on rosy-cheeked winter faces. And a Terry’s Chocolate Orange will never be quite the same again.

Serves 6

6 oranges
120g unsalted butter
135g dark chocolate (minimum 75% cocoa solids), broken into pieces
3 eggs
2 egg yolks
100g caster sugar
4 tbsp Cointreau (optional)
55g plain flour, sifted
Grated chocolate, to garnish

For the vanilla cream

600ml double cream
3 tbsp icing sugar
1 tsp vanilla bean paste or the seeds scraped from 1 vanilla pod

1 Prepare your oranges by slicing the top off each one, about ¼ of the way down – don’t discard the tops!
2 Gently remove the flesh by running a spoon down the sides and pulling the flesh away from the skin. Be careful not to pull out the ‘pith plug’ at the bottom of the orange, as this will create a hole. You can keep the discarded orange flesh in the fridge and have it for breakfast or sprinkle with sugar and cinnamon and serve with ice cream.
3 Next, make the vanilla cream. Pour the double cream into a mixing bowl and add the sugar and vanilla. Using an electric whisk, whip until soft peaks form. Cover the bowl and place in the fridge until ready to serve.
4 In a bain-marie, melt the butter and chocolate together. Once melted, remove from the heat and set aside.
5 In a separate bowl, whisk the eggs, egg yolks and sugar together until light and fluffy. Slowly pour in the chocolate mixture, whilst continuing to whisk on a low speed. Once combined, add the Cointreau (if using) and then fold through the sifted flour.
6 Divide the mixture evenly between the hollowed-out oranges, and replace the orange lids. Carefully double wrap each orange with two layers of foil, watching that the lid doesn’t slip off in the process and that the oranges remain upright at all times. Make sure the oranges are completely sealed in the foil, with no gaps or holes for the chocolate mix to escape through.
7 Place the oranges upright, directly onto hot embers for about 12 mins.
8 Remove from the heat, unwrap and remove the lids. You should have a chocolate sponge with a runny molten middle. Top with the vanilla cream and a grating of chocolate.

These puds were part of our Gathering feature in the December issue with recipes by Bex Long for an outdoor Christmas lunch, including a spectacular hang-roasted bacon-wrapped partridge. Find the rest of the menu in this month's The Simple Things - buy, download or subscribe

More from our December issue…

More chocolate to tempt you…

Playlist | Songs by Scottish bands

A dram and a dance for Burns Night on 25 January.

Listen to the playlist here.

More of our playlists…

More from our January issue…

Win | a New Year fresh start bundle

We have two fresh start bundles to give away, courtesy of Garden Trading, to help you get your home shipshape and Bristol fashion

Start a brand new decade by bringing a feeling of calm and clarity to your home. Garden Trading’s new Laundry and Storage Collection harmoniously blends beauty with function, each piece doing its bit to make every utility room and kitchen a clean, orderly haven. After the excess and clutter of Christmas and New Year celebrations, now is the ideal time to give interiors the room to breathe. From stack-and-store utility baskets to hampers and handy boxes designed in crisp, clean linen shades, you’ll soon have a place for everything and everything in its place.

Vertical storage solutions in Lily White painted wood make the most of wall space to create extra hanging and stacking room; giving everything a home, even when you’re mid-chore. And the details have been given careful consideration, too. From refillable glass jars with cork lids for washing powders and haberdashery essentials, to screw-top glass bottles for laundry detergents and washing-up liquids, eco-friendly bamboo lids to traditional rug-beaters… the collection is full of simple, green solutions to help make everyday housework a pleasure.

The prize

Garden Trading has put together two laundry and storage bundles to give away to The Simple Things readers. Each includes: • Melcome Slatted laundry shelf, • 2 Chesil rectangular baskets, •Portland storage hamper, • Portland utensil holder, • Portland utility Basket in Lily White, • Provender Jars (small, medium and large) • Peg Bag in Ink Stripe, • Bottle brush • Washing-up Brush

Discover the full collection at gardentrading.co.uk

How to enter

For your chance to win, click on the button below and answer the following question by the closing date of 12 February 2020:
Q. What is the name of Garden Trading's new utility and kitchen range?

Terms and conditions

Terms & conditions The competition closes at 11.59pm on 12 February 2020. A winner will be selected at random from all correct entries received and notified soon after. The winner cannot transfer the prize or swap it for cash. Details of our full terms are on page 127 of the magazine and online at icebergpress.co.uk/comprules

More from our January issue…

More simple ways to make your home lovelier…

Win | a year of flowers

We’ve teamed up with Scilly Flowers to give you the chance to win flowers delivered to your door every month for the next year. How blooming lovely!

Scented narcissi are one of the traditional crops grown on the Isles of Scilly, 28 miles off the Cornish coast. There, in the small, sheltered fields dotted throughout the islands warmed by the Gulf Stream, the flowers thrive and come into bloom early. At Churchtown Farm on St Martin’s, owners Ben and Zoe Julian and their team pick, pack and post these gorgeous narcissi from October until Easter, come rain, shine or gale-force winds. Then, over the summer months, their attention turns to scented pinks, harvested so their customers can enjoy the colour and perfume of fresh flowers within days of being picked.

We’ve got together with Scilly Flowers to bring a bit of spring to one reader’s door for the whole year.

For more information on how these flowers are grown and harvested, or to place an order, visit scillyflowers.co.uk or call 01720 422169.

How to enter

For your chance to win 12 boxes of scented narcissi (one every month), each containing 40 flowers, click below and answer the following question by the closing date of 12 February 2020:
Q. The Isles of Scilly are how many miles off the Cornish coast?

Terms and conditions

Terms and conditions: The competition closes at 11.59pm on 12 February 2020. A winner will be selected at random from all correct entries received and notified soon after. Flower substitutions may be made depending on availability. The winner cannot transfer the prize or swap it for cash. Details of our full terms are on page 127 and online at icebergpress.co.uk/comprules

More from our January issue…

More beautiful blooms…

Christmas: Make a 100 wishes bay leaf garland

Make a 100 wishes bay leaf garland or wreath this Christmas.

You will need:

A needle and strong thread, in any colour
Lots of bay leaves.

1. Tie a knot at the end of a long piece of thread and run the needle through each leaf until you have gathered a large bunch.

2. Next, pull and tie the two ends together. 

3.The garland can be tied to a door or placed on a table. Use the bay leaves over winter to cook with, write down your wishes, dreams and hopes and share them with your friends. Simple pleasures. 

Taken from The Magpie & The Wardrobe: A Curiosity of Folklore, Magic & Spells by Sam McKechnie and Alexandrine Portelli (Pavilion Books)

 This was originally published in December 2014.. Get hold of your copy of this month's The Simple Things - buy, download or subscribe

From our December issue…

More December inspiration…

Bake | Cardamom cake with mulled wine jam

This proper cake is great for festive guests or as a pudding for anyone not a fan of Christmas pud. It’s just one of the festive bakes in our December issue and we liked it so much we thought we’d share it here

Serves 8

For the cake:
120ml milk
10 green cardamom pods, lightly crushed
2 tsp vanilla bean paste
275g plain flour
1 tbsp baking powder
225g unsalted butter
225g caster sugar
3 eggs

For the jam:
240ml red wine
400g plums, pitted and quartered
200g black seedless grapes, plus extra to decorate
2 cinnamon sticks
1 star anise pod
¼ tsp freshly grated nutmeg
450g granulated sugar
30ml lemon juice
Half an orange, thickly sliced

For the topping:
250g mascarpone
150g icing sugar
80ml double cream
1 tsp vanilla extract

1 Preheat the oven to 180C/Fan 160/Gas 4. Grease two round 20cm cake tins and line the bottoms with baking parchment.
2 To make the cake, gently heat the milk in a saucepan with the cardamom pods and vanilla paste, letting it simmer for 2 mins before removing from the heat. Cover and cool for 15 mins before straining.
3 Sift together the flour and baking powder in a large bowl and set aside.
4 Using an electric whisk, beat the butter and sugar until pale and creamy. Add the eggs one at a time, beating well after each one. Mix in half the flour, then the milk and remaining flour. Divide batter evenly between the tins and bake for 35-40 mins. Let the cakes cool for around 15 mins before turning out onto a wire rack and leaving to cool completely.
5 To make the jam, add the wine, plums, grapes, cinnamon sticks, star anise and nutmeg to a large saucepan. Cook for 10-15 mins to soften the plums. Add the sugar, lemon juice and orange and boil for 12-20 mins, or until it coats the back of a spoon. Remove the cinnamon sticks, star anise and orange slices then pour into a shallow tray to cool quickly.
6 To make the topping, beat the mascarpone and icing sugar by hand until smooth. Fold in the cream and vanilla and chill in the fridge until ready to use.
7 Sandwich the cakes together with half the mascarpone and a generous spoonful or two of jam. Cover the top and sides with the remaining mascarpone mix. Use a palette knife to smooth the sides of the cake, scraping off just enough of the mascarpone to let the cake peek through. Add grapes and a few dollops of jam.

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Taken from The New Way To Cake by Benjamina Ebuehi (Page Street Publishing). Photography: Holly Wulff Petersen

More from our December issue…

More festive recipes…

Festive things | mistletoe auctions

How a small Worcestershire town became the UK’s Mistletoe capital

Are we the only ones who start each December with the promise to ourselves that we’ll give the tinsel a miss this year and just use ‘nice greenery’ instead? (And then panic buy a couple of sprigs of holly for the front door and sneak out under cover of darkness to lean over the fence to pinch some of next door’s ivy?) We thought not.

If you live near a mistletoe market, however, a house full of greenery need not be an unattainable dream.

The tradition of hanging mistletoe in the house goes back as far as the ancient druids. But for more than the last 100 years, the village of Tenbury Wells in Worcestershire has been hosting mistletoe and holly auctions in the run-up to Christmas. 

Many markets of mistletoe and holly were held in the area but Tenbury Wells is the last remaining, holding markets on the last two Tuesdays in November and the first in December, as well as a mistletoe festival, this year held on Saturday 7 December.

The mistletoe and holly auctions are exactly as they sound. Turn up, bid, buy festive greenery. You do need to buy more than a sprig to dangle over your doorway, but anyone can buy at the auctions. Large bundles are sold individually but the first to buy a bundle from any seller’s particular batch has the option to buy all or any of the rest from that seller. 

The sale begins indoors with wreaths and once they are gone moves outside, with would-be buyers following the auctioneer down the rows of huge mistletoe bunches.

We recommend you get there early to bag the best bunches. The auctioneer’s bell sounds at 10am sharp when the selling begins. But if, when your alarm wakes you to the dark of a December morning, you don’t feel very festive, fear not. It will all be worth it when you return triumphant with the back seat of your car full of mistletoe. And next door’s ivy can remain unmolested another year. 

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More from our December issue…

More winter wonder…