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Taking time to live well
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Fun | the season's groaniest panto jokes

Iona Bower December 28, 2019

It’s that time of year again (oh no, it isn’t!) Here are some of the panto world’s cheesiest jokes to bring a smile to grey January days

In our January issue’s Cups of Tea page, we spoke to Tess Biles of The Theatre: Chipping Norton about what her day is like in cups of tea during panto season. 

Inspired by that, we’ve gathered together a few of our favourite panto jokes here. We hope you enjoy them as much as we did. And if you’re looking for our usually sophisticated Simple Things sense of humour… it’s BEHIND you!!


A pantomime horse walks into a bar. The barman says ‘Fancy a pint?’ The horse says ‘No, two halves, thanks.’


Q: What kind of pet did Aladdin have?
A: A flying car-pet.


Q: What’s beautiful, grey and wears glass slippers?
A: Cinerellephant.

Q: Who in Treasure Island has a parrot that cries "Pieces of four, Pieces of four " ?
A: Short John Silver !


Q: Why does Dick Whittington have a beard?
A: Because eight out of ten owners know that their cats prefer whiskers.


Q: What did Cinderella say when the chemist mislaid her photos?
A: Some day my prints will come.

 

And finally, a one-liner for panto time…

I used to have a job as a pantomime horse, but I quit while I was a head.

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InFun Tagsissue 91, January, pantomime, fun
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 MAY ISSUE   Buy  ,   download  or  subscribe   Order a copy of:  Our new Homebird bookazine    Flourish Volume 4 , our wellbeing bookazine  A Year of Celebrations  – our latest  anthology  See the sample of our latest issue  here   Listen to  our po
February 27, 2026
February 27, 2026

MAY ISSUE

Buy, download or subscribe

Order a copy of:
Our new Homebird bookazine

Flourish Volume 4, our wellbeing bookazine
A Year of Celebrations – our latest anthology

See the sample of our latest issue here

Listen to our podcast – Small Ways to Live Well

February 27, 2026
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The Simple Things is published by Iceberg Press

The Simple Things

Taking time to live well

We celebrate slowing down, enjoying what you have, making the most of where you live, enjoying the company of of friends and family, and feeding them well. We like to grow some of our own vegetables, visit local markets, rummage for vintage finds, and decorate our home with the plunder. We love being outdoors and enjoy the satisfaction that comes with a job well done.

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