Design | characters who rock a stripe

How a Breton top gives anyone a bit of an edge

Striped tops have become a wardrobe staple for many of us in recent years, but no matter how ubiquitous they become, they always make us think of a few famous stripes wearers.

Funnily enough, despite stripes being fairly commonplace now, there’s always something about a fictional character who rocks a stripe. They tend towards the unorthodox and rebellious. In Medieval Europe a stripe was a symbol of disorder and also difference, worn only by societal outcasts such as lepers, hangmen and clowns. So perhaps that’s one reason why characters who are a little ‘outside’ the bounds of normal are often portrayed in stripes. That, and the fact that we all know they just look cool, of course. 

Here are a few characters from fiction, film and television, who must have earned their stripes in the stripes-wearing stakes. 

Dennis the Menace

Dennis’s stripes have a long history. When he was first drawn in 1951 he had plain clothes and just a striped tie. Just a few months later the black-and-white tie became a black-and-white jumper and only a few months after that did the jumper become the signature black and red Dennis is famous for.  

Pippi Longstocking

Astrid Lindgren’s curious, kind and superhumanly strong nine year old character, Pippi Longstocking has become sort of synonymous with stripes, though we remember her most for her knee-length, mismatched stripy socks. 

Ernie and Bert from Sesame Street

Rocking a stripe in completely opposite ways, Ernie’s stripes are horizontal like his big wide smile, while Bert’s are vertical, like his long face. But they complement each other perfectly. 

Where’s Wally?

Known for his red-and-white-striped jumper, as well as his red-and-white beanie and round specs, Wally is drawn by Martin Handford, usually tiny and surrounded by other red-and-white-striped things so as to make finding Wally trickier. 

The Cat in the Hat

Also sporting red and white stripes but far more ostentatious is Dr Seuss’s The Cat in the Hat, a six-foot-tall cat wearing a red-and-white-striped top hat. As if a massive, rhyming cat with a paunch might otherwise go unobserved...

Bee from Ant and Bee

Another character from children’s fiction who must be mentioned for their stripes is Angela Banner’s Bee from the Ant and Bee books. Although we’re not sure whether or not Bee counts as rocking a stripe, since he is stark naked and his stripes are all natural. Does that make him <more> stripy for being striped to his very core? Or less stripy because he didn’t choose his stripes? These are the sorts of big questions we are unafraid to ask here at The Simple Things. 

The chaps from O Brother Where Art Thou?

Literally rocking a stripe are Ulysses, Delmar and Pete, who escape in their prison stripes from a chain gang, head off in search of buried treasure and have an accidental hit record as The Soggy Bottom Boys. There’s something about those stripy prison slacks that looks a bit cooler in O Brother Where Art Thou’s faded sepia tones, too. 

Betelgeuse

In his vertical black and white striped suit there’s no mistaking Tim Burton’s obnoxious poltergeist. He might not have got away with that outfit in life, but he certainly cuts a dash in those stripes now he’s dead. Which just goes to show how a stripe really can lift any outfit. 

You can read more about the stripy Breton top in our Wearing Well series on page 83 of the May issue.

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Build your own | Kitchen Sink Drama

Take a pinch of righteous anger, a sprinkling of political disappointment and a good dollop of marital misery and you can make your very own Kitchen Sink Drama in minutes!

Life has been a little more gritty than usual for most of us recently, and we’ve all spent more time at the kitchen sink than we would in normal times. We’re thinking that before the predicted artistic revolution of ‘roaring 2020s’ arrives, we must surely be due a kitchen sink revival. 

With that in mind, we’ve decided to pen a short kitchen sink drama of our own, and we’d love you to join in the fun. Phone a friend of family member with a talent for writing (or just a tendency to the dramatic), choose six items from the following list and build your own kitchen sink drama. Start with a gritty location somewhere in Great Britain, decide on a scenario and build your story around your six items. We’ll take any messages from The Royal Court theatre while you’re busy. Go!

1. A north of England accent, Salford for preference

2. An angry young man, preferably wearing a grubby white vest, reading a left-wing tract aggressively

3. A secret but unwanted pregnancy

4. A difficult conversation about communism over the dinner table

5. A youthful and hot-headed idealist with a ‘jolly good sort’ name, such as Helen or Jo

6. An amiable but awkward lodger

7. The Sunday papers, strewn messily across the floor

8. An endless basket of ironing and a utilitarian-looking ironing board that’s seen some action

9. A cameo featuring a future Labour party MP*

10. A Raleigh bicycle, leaned rakishly against the set somewhere

If you love a kitchen sink but could have enough of the angry young men, turn to page 112 of our March issue, where we’ve gathered together some of the most covetable kitchen sinks we’ve seen in our My Place feature. The one above belongs to Aisling Kirwan @mylimestonehome. 

*It’s true. Hazel Blears did in fact appear as a street urchin in the 1961 film of Shelagh Delany’s A Taste of Honey. 

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How to | Dress Like a Steampunk

Fetch the dressing-up trunk; we’ve found a solid reason for grown-ups to get in on the fun

If you’ve ever been intrigued by Steampunk style, or simply passed someone on the street looking like they’ve wandered out of the 19th century, via a branch of Ann Summers and an RAF outfitters, and wondered what it was all about, here’s a brief explanation: Steampunk is a style, a lifestyle and a philosophy described as ‘a sub genre of science fiction and fantasy that incorporates technology and aesthetic design inspired by 19th century industrial steam powered machinery’. It’s a bit of a hybrid genre, however, and often also incorporates elements of the Gothic, Wild West and more. 

In more layman’s terms, it’s dressing up in fabulous costume, adding technological accessories and having a jolly nice time enjoying all the best aspects of Victoriana and indulging in some hearty afternoon teas, to boot. 

In our February issue, we meet some Steampunks, in our Modern Eccentrics series, but if you’re keen to get in on the Steampunky action before that (we know we were) there’s nothing to stop you gathering together a Steampunk dressing-up box at home. You could hold your own Steampunk afternoon tea knowing at least that no one is going to surprise you with a visit, or look forward to surprising the postman or supermarket delivery driver if you’re feeling almost ready to take your new look out to the world. 

Here’s a guide on how to dress like a Steampunk

1. Choose your theme. Your basic Steampunk look is Victorian with a steam-powered twist, but within that are various sub genres. Some of the popular looks are Gothic, military, aviator, adventurer, explorer and pirate (we told you it was all jolly good fun, didn’t we?) but you can choose your own and give your costume your own twist, related to your own career, hobbies or heritage. 

2. Source a top with a strong Victorian style, but a bit of glamour too. A corset is ideal. Clearly stepping out in just a corset would have given Queen Vic herself an attack of the vapours, but that’s the fun of Steampunk; it takes the bits of Victorian style that are fun and leaves the judgement back in the 1870s. A laced-up corset that would look at home in a bodice-ripper novel is ideal, but if you feel more comfortable in something a bit less risque, look for blouses with big sleeves, and anything wreathed in lace. 

3. Hunt out tiered and gathered skirts that show a little leg, or trousers with a lot of attitude. Leather is very much encouraged but skirts with multiple layers and lengths are also de rigeur. It can get a bit hot under all those layers and leather so skirts are often gathered higher at the front to let a little air in. 

4. Rediscover your waist with a cinch and add a bustle. Steampunk is all about the exaggerated silhouette. And while the cinch may slightly hinder your efforts at putting away cake and cucumber sandwiches, there’s plenty of room under that big skirt for seconds.

5. Boot up with something sturdy. Long leather boots are ideal but an old pair of DMs paired with fancy tights works equally well. ‘Hardy’ and ‘a fine turn of ankle’ are your watchwords.

6. Adorn your shoulders with a faux fur stole, or a bolero, or a nice tweed jacket... whatever you like. You will never be cold as a Steampunk, even standing in front of dark satanic mills in February, trying to get a good selfie. 

7. Here’s where it gets even more fun: add lots of cogs, gears and general ‘industrial’ paraphernalia. You can go mad with brass buttons that look like nuts and bolts, earrings and necklaces made of cogs and heavy chains to adorn your jacket. As long as you look like you might chug instead of breathe, you’ve done well.

8. Add some lace into the mix. Lace is a bit of a must for Steampunks; definitely essential for the Gothic style but frankly it looks just as good if you’re going for a pirate look. Even the most intrepid Steampunk aviator’s style is improved by the softening effect of a little lace at the neck. 

9. Pop some specs on; the tiny little round ones are best, but anything that gives you an air of Miss Marplesque curiosity is what you’re going for. You don’t even have to have them on your nose; simply perch on your head, pop in a top jacket pocket or wear them on a chain around your neck.

10. Accessorise with some time pieces: as many as you like. Clocks are a big part of the Steampunk look. You can go for a beautiful pocket watch pinned to your person, or just a nod to it with some tights or a tattoo that references the inner workings of clocks. Or go all out and drape them everywhere. You’re aiming for a look that is somewhere between legendary clock-wearing rapper Flavor Flav and The White Rabbit from Alice in Wonderland. 

11. Pin some medals on yourself. In Steampunk circles we are told many people wear crosses and stars to celebrate their victories. What victories these are, we aren’t certain. Perhaps getting into those corsets or lacing up those boots? Who knows. Either way, if you’ve ever yearned to be decorated, now’s your chance: make free with the medals, get sewing them on your jacket and feel heroic. 

12. Invest in a pair of flying goggles. We wouldn’t say they’re a <must> for a Steampunk but they do help in adding that ‘adventurey’ look you want and they’re just the best bit. Being a Steampunk without goggles is a bit like going to a fancy dress party as Dracula without the teeth. They’re historically significant due to the Victorian need for cinder goggles when riding on the newly expanded railways and later for driving, with the advent of the motor car. And stylistically, well, a Steampunk might need them for any eventuality: to throw on when jumping in the cockpit of one’s bi-plane, for protecting one’s eyes during a pirate battle or in a mad scientist’s laboratory, or simply as protection against generic ‘industrial steam’. One can never be too careful. Also, they look really, really cool. 

13. Get an airship. Because why wouldn’t you want an airship?

Meet some Steampunks in our February issue, out now.

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How to | do a jigsaw properly

With a little forethought and planning you can puzzle to perfection without going to pieces

Just because Christmas is a time for fun a frivolity, doesn’t mean we can’t do the fun and frivolity properly. We like to start jigsaw puzzles with the same enthusiasm and commitment with which we would undertake any Very Important Way of Passing An Otherwise Deliciously Empty Afternoon. Here’s how.

Do your jigsaw prep

Clear an area so that you can spread out all your pieces and will have enough room to do the puzzle, too. The dimensions are usually on the box. A proper jigsaw roll is a real boon if you can’t dedicate the space to a puzzle for a whole day (or week). But otherwise, a large, hard surface like a dining table or even a big board you can push under the sofa between jigsaw sessions will do the job just as well. A smooth surface that you can sift the pieces across easily is best. 
Ensure no crawling babies, pets or other potential hazards are nearby. 
Get yourself a big mug of tea and make sure you have plenty more in the house to fuel you through your puzzling. Get a couple of biscuits, too.
Actually, scratch that, get the whole tin. You don’t want to be wasting precious time going back and forth to the kitchen. Also very much acceptable is a large tin of Quality Street or the like. 

Spend time sorting the pieces

Yes, it’s the most boring bit and it’s tempting to just dive right in, but time spent ‘zoning’ the pieces now will make putting it together much easier. Tip out the pieces and then turn the all face up, ‘zoning’ them into areas of the picture as you go. If your picture contains two similar areas, like two separate parts of sky, zone all those pieces together for now and you might be able to separate them by tone later. With very large puzzles, of more than 250 pieces, it’s best to get little pots (kitchen Tupperware is good) and have separate pots for all the different zones. While zoning, separate out any edge pieces. If you’re doing a rectangular or square puzzle, put the four corners somewhere safe. 

Do the edges first

Some people will tell you that starting with a zone of the puzzle you find easy to do somewhere in the middle is just as good. Those people are wrong. And we all know that the middle is the most fun to do and should therefore be saved until last. Complete your whole edge first. Your future self (in about an hour) will thank you. 

Take a tea break

You need to stretch your eyes a bit and what better excuse than a wander out to the garden while the kettle is boiling? Semi-pro puzzlers will do a few lunges too, to get the blood circulating and plenty of oxygen to the brain. The rest of us use the time to ensure the biscuit tin doesn’t need restocking. 

Get in the zone

Once you have your frame edges, choose a zone you fancy working on. A zone that borders a large expanse, such as sky or water, is a good place to start as it gives you a jumping off point for that. Once you’ve completed that ‘zone’, pick another, preferably one next to it, so you’ve got somewhere to start from. 

Fill in the gaps

Once you’ve done all the main zones, you should be able to join them up and fill in any bits you couldn’t find a home for between them and around the edges. 

Exhibit your finished puzzle and accept accolades from family and friends

Some jigsaw puzzles today are so genuinely lovely they need framing. You can even buy ‘no frame frames' where you simply stick the jigsaw to a backing before hanging it on the wall. 
You may like to have a grand unveiling over a tipple or two in the room where your puzzle is on display. We don’t think this would be de trop at all though your family might. And if you’re having a small Christmas and therefore have a small audience, we’d say you’re completely justified in sharing your puzzle heavily on social media. If you have to put up with photos of people’s pets, kids and lunches all year, your friends owe you. 

Turn to page 42 of our December issue to read more about the joy of jigsaw puzzles. and some of the best in the shops now. And while you’re waiting for yours to arrive, we’ve made a few online puzzles you can do right now here.

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Make | parsnip panpipes (yes, really)

Looking for a new project this weekend? Each month, we publish a ‘veg box music’ idea, ingenious ways to make those edibles audible

Got some spare parsnips? Then you’re all set to try Blowin in the Roots. Don’t forget to send us photos of your band practice!

You will need:

4 or 5 parsnips (as many as you can hold in your hand comfortably)

Knife

Apple corer / drill

How to make:

1. Slice the skinny ends of the parsnips off at the point at which they are still of a good thickness – 1 or 2cm in diameter, let’s say.

2. Bore wide, cylindrical holes down into the parsnips using an apple corer or a drill. Make the deepest one as deep as the parsnip will allow without breaking through the other end, then repeat on the other parsnips, ensuring that each hole is progressively shallower than the last.

3. Finish them off by slicing across the top of the holes at an angle and hold them upright in a row, from deepest to shallowest, with the highest part of the parsnip closest to the face.

4. Blow diagonally across the parsnips down the same plane as they have been cut – the angle makes it easier to get a note.

Taken from Musical Experiments for After Dinner by Angus Hyland, Tom Parkinson, and illustrated by Dave Hopkins, is published by Laurence King. Available at.laurenceking.com.

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Unboxings | Blue Peter time capsules

At the turn of the year, we often think about what’s behind and what’s ahead. Join us on a trip to the past and future, and tell us what we should put in our Simple Things time capsule!

Just the number 2020, sounds a bit futuristic doesn’t it? And it’s got us thinking about our connections to the future, what we’d want someone to know about life now in hundreds of years time. Of course, these days, our descendants will have endless records of what life was like for us in the form of the internet, but back when we were in short trousers and all this was fields, we knew the most reliable way to capture information about our present for future generations was through a Blue Peter time capsule. The whole of the internet is one thing, but it’s not half so exciting as digging up a capsule Peter Purves buried, is it?

So here’s the story of a few Blue Peter time capsules and what happened to them…

The 1971 capsule

Unearthed: 2000, with the aid of a map, defying the pervasive urban myth that the BBC had lost the plans that detailed the place of its burial. 

Buried by: Valerie Singleton, John Noakes and Peter Purves

The first ever Blue Peter Time Capsule was buried in 1971 in front of BBC TV Centre. The idea seemed to be that it would be opened at the start of the new millennium, giving children we all assumed would be wearing space suits and watching Blue Peter being streamed directly into their brains by Davros from Dr Who, an insight into a simpler time. But what did they choose to bury for posterity? 

What was inside? A set of decimal coins that were introduced that year (in retrospect, some of those haven’t changed so a set of pre-decimalisation coins might have been a better choice), a Blue Peter Annual from 1970 (which sadly got rather waterlogged), and photos of the three presenters (who were there when it was dug up again in 2000). 

What makes it special? This capsule has an air of mystery about it. The producers in 2000 made the decision not to broadcast the opening of the time capsule live just in case nothing had survived. Most of it had survived, albeit in rather dank state, but it became clear during filming that the items inside had been rewrapped at some point… This was likely when the capsule was moved to a new site in the Blue Peter garden during redevelopment work. We prefer to think it was the ghost of Shep, getting busy with the sticky-back plastic. (OK, we only said it had an air of mystery…) It also had a distinct air of cheese about it. The opening of the capsule can be watched on YouTube, with the presenters heard to be loudly commenting on the stench. No one wrinkles their nose like Valerie Singleton. 

The 1984 capsule

Unearthed: 2000

Buried by: Simon Groom, Janet Ellis and Peter Duncan

The second time capsule was buried along with the first (which had to be moved) in the Blue Peter Garden. 

What was inside? Some of Goldie the dog’s hair (??!) - we can only assume the hope was that by 2020 Goldie could be cloned using her own DNA and reborn. Also a record of the Blue Peter theme tune, arranged by Mike Oldfield, and video footage of the statue of Petra (the original Blue Peter dog) being moved (there wasn’t much newsworthy happening in 1984, clearly).

What makes it special? Dead dog hair is pretty unusual, we’ll give it that. We wonder how Mike Oldfield felt about it.

The millennium capsule (1998)

Yet to be opened but scheduled for 2050

Buried by: Katy Hill and Richard Bacon beneath the Millennium Dome, London, as it was being built. 

What is inside? As well as the usual Blue Peter ephemera, they also buried a set of Tellytubby dolls, an insulin pen and a France 98 football. 

What makes it special? It’s the most well-travelled Blue Peter time capsule. In 2017 the box was damaged when a builder at the dome had an accidental  ‘here’s one I buried earlier’ moment and dug it up unknowingly. The capsule was taken back to the BBC in Salford and restored, but it was decided that rather than rebury it the contents would go on tour to mark the show’s 60th birthday in 2018, meeting with ex-presenters at various spots around the country. After the Tellytubbies had enjoyed their airing the capsule went to the National Archives where it will be stored until it is opened in 2050. 

The 2000 capsule

Yet to be opened but scheduled for 2029

Buried by: Katy Hill, Konnie Huq, Simon Thomas and Matt Baker at BBC TV Centre. Later moved to Media City in Salford when the show decamped there.

This capsule was buried when the first two were unearthed… Well, when you’ve already got a dug hole, why would you not?

What is inside? The 29th Blue Peter book, details about the presenters, some video programme highlights, ,a gold medallion and set of badges to mark the 40th anniversary of the show in 1998 and - this is our favourite - instructions on how to make a George the Tortoise toy! The presenters also added items of their own: a CD from Konnie, an old mobile from Simon Thomas, a ring from Katy from her Mongolia trip and from Matt Baker, a Geordie phrasebook. 

What makes is special? Clearly, the George the Tortoise project! With only 19 years to wait, we’re counting down to this one. 

The Diamond capsule (2018)

Yet to be opened but scheduled for 2050

Buried by: Not buried at all, but kept in the National Archives. This capsule was stored by the winner of a Blue Peter competition as well as a raft of presenters past and present: Radzi Chinyanganya, Lindsey Russell, Valerie Singleton, Peter Purves, Janet Ellis and Katy Hill.

The Diamond Time Capsule was stored to mark 60 years of Blue Peter and is due to be opened in its 80th anniversary year. 

What’s inside? Viewers sent in suggestions in their thousands. The programme whittled that down to a list of 20 and then there was a viewers’ vote for the final ten, which is as follows:

2018 set of UK coins and notes
Souvenir from the Royal Wedding between Prince Harry and Meghan Markle
World map with endangered animals in 2018 plus memory stick with a list of critically endangered animals as registered on The IUCN Red List of Threatened Species
World Cup 2018 sticker book
DVD of The Greatest Showman
Bestselling children’s book of 2018 – David Walliams’ The World’s Worst Children 3
Smartphone
British passport (previously belonging to Ewan Vinnicombe the current Blue Peter Editor!)
Fidget spinner
Chart music from 2018 – Now That’s What I Call Music 100 CD and tracks on memory stick

What’s special about it? It’s the only one of the time capsules never to be buried outdoors. Lessons were learned from the smell of damp Stilton emanating from the 1971 capsule, it seems. Where’s the fun in that though?

You can read more about time capsules in our January issue’s Miscellany. 

Now help us fill our Simple Things time capsule

We’d forgotten just how much we love a time capsule and we thought, just for fun, we might put together our own Simple Things time capsule full of things that are very TST in 2020. Tell us what you’re like us to put in it and we’ll get a capsule together* and bury it in a secret (or simply as yet undecided) location in the spring. Maybe one day we can open it and reminisce about how simple things were much more simple back in 2020…

*Disclaimer: this may well be a Family Circle biscuit tin. We’re not the BBC, you know.

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Fun | the season's groaniest panto jokes

It’s that time of year again (oh no, it isn’t!) Here are some of the panto world’s cheesiest jokes to bring a smile to grey January days

In our January issue’s Cups of Tea page, we spoke to Tess Biles of The Theatre: Chipping Norton about what her day is like in cups of tea during panto season. 

Inspired by that, we’ve gathered together a few of our favourite panto jokes here. We hope you enjoy them as much as we did. And if you’re looking for our usually sophisticated Simple Things sense of humour… it’s BEHIND you!!

A pantomime horse walks into a bar. The barman says ‘Fancy a pint?’ The horse says ‘No, two halves, thanks.’

Q: What kind of pet did Aladdin have?
A: A flying car-pet.

Q: What’s beautiful, grey and wears glass slippers?
A: Cinerellephant.

Q: Who in Treasure Island has a parrot that cries "Pieces of four, Pieces of four " ?
A: Short John Silver !

Q: Why does Dick Whittington have a beard?
A: Because eight out of ten owners know that their cats prefer whiskers.

Q: What did Cinderella say when the chemist mislaid her photos?
A: Some day my prints will come.

And finally, a one-liner for panto time…

I used to have a job as a pantomime horse, but I quit while I was a head.

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A tale of two woodpeckers

A short biography of two very different birds. Because why not?

Here at The Simple Things, we love a woodpecker, so much so we dedicated one of our Magical Creatures pages to it back in February. You can buy that issue here. 

And when we saw this wonderful illustration of one in this month’s ‘Cosy’ issue, it got us wondering why you don’t encounter many Woodpeckers in books or on the silver screen. They are sadly under-represented, we feel. To go some way towards righting that wrong, we’re celebrating two famous, but very different woodpeckers. 

Picus, Greek myth

Picus (Latin for woodpecker) was a man originally known as Stercutus and was the first king of Latium. He earned his nickname for the fact that he was enormously talented in augury and used woodpeckers for his divination (best not ask how). He was a handsome chap and women, nymphs and a myriad of assorted other females couldn’t help but throw themselves at him. What’s a King of Latium to do? But he came a cropper when the witch, Circe, tried to seduce him and he turned her down with little care for her feelings. Well. Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned, and the witch turned him into a woodpecker as punishment. And for good measure, she turned his friends into a variety of other creatures and his wife into a nymph. The wife went mad and wandered the forest for six days before laying down on the banks of the river and dying. And all because a simple ‘I’d love to but I’m washing my hair’ would not suffice. Lesson learned, chaps.

Woody Woodpecker, Universal Pictures

The inspiration for Woody arrived on cartoonist Walter Lantz’s honeymoon when an acorn woodpecker disturbed Walt and his wife’s peace repeatedly by boring holes in the roof. Walt was going to shoot the bird but his wife suggested he instead make a cartoon of him, and a star was born. 

No one is quite sure what type of woodpecker Woody is, but his laugh has made many assume he is a pileated woodpecker. So now you know.

Woody, voiced by Mel Blanc (who also voiced Bugs Bunny, Daffy Duck and more) first appeared in the cartoon short Knock Knock on November 25 1940, in which he tormented two unassuming pandas. 

Woody made the move to television in 1957 with The Woody Woodpecker Show, which was revived in the early 70s. And in 1999 he saw another renaissance when The New Woody Woodpecker Show ran for a few years on Fox Kids. A new series is available on YouTube now, where Woody continues to sweep back his quiff, bore holes in things he shouldn’t, irritate all creatures great and small and laugh his infamous laugh. And how is that laugh, written, we’d like to know? According to the lyrics to the Woody Woodpecker Song, it is notated, thus:

Ho-ho-ho ho ho! Ho-ho-ho ho ho!

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The beautiful illustration above is from I Like Birds: A Guide to Britain’s Avian Wildlife by Stuart Cox (Quadrille)

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October | a final thought

A cartoon from our back cover to cheer your day

We’re seeing off our October issue today. All the pumpkins, spooky stories, toffee apples and tea have made us feel properly autumnal. We hope you’ve enjoyed it, too. Our November ‘Cosy’ issue will be snuggling up on supermarket shelves this week so do pop out and buy a copy.

Meanwhile, please enjoy this cartoon from our October back cover.

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The rules of Pooh Sticks

Simple and such fun: here’s how to play properly

Pooh Sticks, the game that’s made for anyone who just can’t help but pick up sticks in the forest, and is best played with a big crowd of friends, was originally invented (by Pooh himself, obviously) all alone and using pine cones. But Pooh had such larks dropping pine cones of the bridge in the Hundred Acre Wood and rushing to the other side to watch them come through, he shared it with all his friends.

If you wish to play on the actual bridge Pooh and friends used, you’ll need to head to Ashdown Forest in East Sussex, on which A.A. Milne based the books. The bridge itself is a footbridge which crosses a tributary of the Medway in Posingford Wood. It’s a lovely day out and - pro tip - if you fancy a Little Smackerel Of Something, the nearby village of Hartfield has a cafe named Pooh Corner with cakes a plenty and plenty of Milne memorabilia, too.

Pooh Corner’s owner Mike Ridley wrote a little booklet with the rules of Pooh Sticks in back in 1996 to mark the 70th anniversary of Winnie-the-Pooh. It’s rather charming and we think every spring picnic to somewhere near a river needs a copy of these rules in order to play Pooh Sticks Properly (A.A Milne capitals intended). So here they are:

First, you each select a stick and show it to your fellow competitors. You must agree which stick is which - or whose, as it were.

1. Check which way the stream is flowing. Competitors need to face the stream on the side where it runs in, under the bridge (upstream). Note: If the stream runs out, from under the bridge you are standing on the wrong side! (downstream).

2. Choose someone to be a Starter. This can be either the oldest or the youngest competitor.

3. All the competitors stand side by side facing upstream.

4. Each competitor holds their stick at arms length over the stream. The tall competitors should lower their arms to bring all the sticks to the same height over the stream as the shortest competitor's stick.

5. The starter calls, 'Ready - Steady - Go!" and all the competitors drop their sticks. Note: the stick must not be thrown into the water*.

6. At this point in the game all the players must cross to the downstream side of the bridge. Please take care - young players like to race across. Remember, other people use bridges and some of them have vehicles or horses.

7. Look over the edge of the bridge for the sticks to emerge. The owner of the first Stick to float from under the bridge, is the winner.

Remember: Falling into the water is SAD (Silly And Daft)!

*Eeyore apparently suggests dropping it ‘in a twitchy sort of way’ but we think doing so might risk disqualification.

In our March issue, which is in shops now, our Outing feature, In Search of Spring, looks more closely at Pooh Sticks (and how to win) as well as other days out for those seeking spring.

Get hold of your copy of this month's The Simple Things - buy, download or subscribe

More from our March issue…

More celebrations of spring…

Wicca quiz: Which witch are you?

The witches we tend to think of are the stuff of cliche. As followers of wicca continue to grow, we ask 'which witch are you?' in this fun quiz.

For a fun way to discover your true witchy nature and to help identify magical areas of interest, try this simple quiz. Just count the letter you ticked the most and read on to see what kind of witch you are. 1) YOU OFTEN MAKE WISHES: a) At night under a full moon b) When you’re cooking up a storm in the kitchen c) By lighting a candle d) When you’re out in the garden

2) WHICH THREE WORDS BEST DESCRIBE YOUR PERSONALITY? a) Sensitive, creative, and intuitive b) Warm, generous, and caring c) Spontaneous, passionate, and enthusiastic d) Practical, mystical, and earthy

3) TO DE-STRESS, YOU: a) Take a stroll by the sea with the one you love b) Get together with friends and family for a feast c) Don your party dress and tear up the dance floor d) Go for a picnic in the woods

4) WHICH OF THESE WORKSHOPS WOULD YOU BE DRAWN TO? a) Astrology b) Everyday spellcraft c) Fire-walking d) Holistic remedies

5) TO GIVE YOURSELF A CONFIDENCE BOOST BEFORE A BIG EVENT, YOU: a) Focus on your breathing b) Remind yourself how amazing you are c) Do some exercise d) Make a soothing herbal brew

6) WHAT’S YOUR FAVOURITE TYPE OF RESTAURANT? a) A seafood restaurant b) A traditional all-American diner c) A tapas restaurant d) A French bistro

7) YOUR FAVOURITE MYTHOLOGICAL CREATURE IS: a) A werewolf b) A griffin c) A dragon d) A unicorn

8) WHICH QUALITY IS MOST IMPORTANT TO YOU IN A RELATIONSHIP? a) Romance b) Honesty c) Passion d) Friendship

9) YOU’RE AT YOUR HAPPIEST WHEN YOU ARE: a) Sitting out under the stars at night b) Decorating your boudoir c) Gazing into an open fire d) Learning something new

Mostly As MOON WITCH

A sensitive soul who finds it easy to empathise with others, you’re a Moon Witch at heart. Most at home under the stars, you have a vivid imagination. You’re drawn to rituals that involve the phases of the moon and the planets, and you have a natural aptitude for astrology. Bodies of water also fascinate you, and you find it easy to relax by the sea. You’re at your most powerful during the moon’s waxing phase (when it gets bigger), so use this time to manifest the things you want, and to inspire others.

Mostly Bs KITCHEN WITCH

Warm and kind-hearted, you love to put a smile on people’s faces. Most at home when you’re rustling up a sumptuous meal,you’re a true KitchenWitch. You know the power that you have at your fingertips, and how to use everyday items and ingredients to achieve your magical aims. Wise and knowledgeable, you easily draw people to you, which means you’re constantly on call for advice.You have a natural flair for flavours and putting things together to create a masterpiece. Because of this, you’ll be an adept spell–creator and–caster.

Mostly Cs ELEMENTAL WITCH

Fiery and passionate, you’re a changeable soul ruled by your emotions, so you’ll make an excellent Elemental Witch. You embrace new things, and have an adventurous streak.You’ll probably find that the weather affects your moods. You’re vibrant, confident, and in tune with your body, and have an immense amount of energy, which you put to good use. Fast action suits you, so you’ll naturally be drawn to fire and candle magic. You’re at your most powerful when you’re taking the lead, and, like the flames of a fire, you easily light up a room.

MOSTLY DS HEDGE WITCH

A true earth mother,you feel a deep connection to nature, which makes you the perfect Hedge Witch. With a broad knowledge of plants and herbs, you’ll love getting your hands dirty. An excellent communicator with strong creative skills, you have a natural way with words. You’re adept at most types of healing; spells, charms, brews, and potions fascinate you, and you’re constantly gathering information. A keen interest in folklore means that you enjoy mixing old traditions with new ideas. You feel most at home outdoors, and at your most powerful when surrounded by wildlife and cocooned by trees.

Read more about wicca on page 80 of October 2014's The Simple Things. Buy or download now.

Quiz extracted from The Beginner's Guide to Wicca by Kirsten Riddle, CICO Books.