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How to | Haggle

Iona Bower July 22, 2025

Whether you’re at a local boot sale or a French brocante, there’s a fine art to talking your way into a bargain. Here are a few tricks to help

1 Be friendly

A smile and a pleasant demeanour go a long way. Aim for affable rather than smarmy though - you don’t want them praying that you’ll just leave. Try to strike up a bit of a relationship before you start haggling; a bit of chat about the weather, whether they’re at the event regularly, the quality of the coffee… You’re trying to find some common ground, something to agree about. That way, when you start bargaining it’s harder to say ‘no’ to you.

2 But play it cool

Don’t be too interested in the item you want - definitely no hugging it to your chest and saying you love it! That just tells them to drive the price up. Peruse the other wares, ask some questions about them, maybe even buy something else, and then open the discussion on the item you really want almost as an afterthought, so you have the element of surprise. 

3 Look for flaws

Have a good look at the item and see if there’s any reason why you might reasonably ask for a discount. Is it missing a piece? Not in its original box? Has a small stain? Politely point that out to the vendor and ask what their best price would be.

4 Know the market

It always helps to have some idea of what you might pay for the item elsewhere. Modern technology can help you here as you can look up similar items on eBay or see if they’re going free on sites like Freegle. If you can find it cheaper elsewhere you have a great bargaining chip. 

5 Know your upper price and start low

Have in mind what the maxium is you’re willing to pay and then start low enough to leave room for some haggling. So if you’re willing to pay £10 start at £5. They might offer it to you for £15. You laugh heartily and say you’ll go as far as £7. Hopefully they then bite your hand off or offer it to you for £10 and you pretend they’re absolutely taking you to the cleaner’s, taking food from your children’s mouths etc etc… but then accept graciously. 

6 Buy in bulk

Most sellers, particularly at car boots, just really want to get rid of their stuff. They might have had a clear out at home and want more space or they might be small business owners who simply want to make room in their storage facility for new stock. Either way, if you’re offering to take more than one thing off their hands, that sweetens the deal for them. Here’s the sneaky trick though… Link the sale of the thing you want less to the thing you REALLY want. So you want their lovely (but expensive) cake plates and you quite like the huge fruit bowl and set of napkins, too. Tell them you like the cake plates but can’t really afford them at that price. Would they consider 50% off if you’re also buying the fruit bowl and napkins? Then they feel that they’re about to lose three sales rather than one if they say no. 

7 Walk away (but leave ‘the door’ open)

This is a master negotiator trick. Claim you aren’t really sure. You might need to consult your partner or call your daughter and check if she actually wants the said item… Then say you might pop back when you’ve done that and go for a little walk. You need nerves of steel for this and to accept it’s possible someone else will snap it up while you’re gone, but it’s a great way to put the seller on the back foot. They think they’ve probably lost the sale and when you saunter back they might be more likely to take an offer.

So here’s the clever bit… You return and tell them you’ve spoken to your daughter/partner/financial adviser and you have permission to spend up to x amount on the item. You might have to hardball it if they say ‘no’ and claim you just don’t have the authority to pay more but often at this point they’ll say ‘Oh go on then’. 

8 Time it well

Turning up early definitely means you’ll see the best stuff, but it’s the latecomers that will get the real bargains. So sweep the event for the things you definitely don’t want to miss out on early, then go off for a leisurely lunch etc and pop back half an hour before it ends. At that point, the vendors will be thinking with dread about having to pack everything back up again and are much more likely to want to strike a deal with someone willing to take things off their hands. 

Once you’ve become adept at haggling for a bargain at boot sales, fetes, jumble sales and more, don’t forget that there are no rules about where you can haggle; you don’t have to be standing in a Souk. Try it in shops and department stores - just ask a supervisor if there’s any flexibility on price or if there might be a sale coming up. Online sales are particularly ripe for discounts - use the ‘chat’ feature or phone their sales line and say you want to shop around or that you’ve been offered a better deal elsewhere and they’ll often come up with an offer. 

Love hunting for a bargain? You can read more about the joys of car boot sales in our feature Fill Your Boots in our July issue, an extract from Raucous Invention: The Joy of Making by Mark Hearld. Published by Thames & Hudson. Photography: Mark Hearld

Buy this month's The Simple Things - buy, download or subscribe

More from our July issue…

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In Fun Tags issue 157, haggling, car boot, brocante, markets
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Learn | A Sea Shanty

Iona Bower July 19, 2025

Next time you hear a group of salty sea dogs burst into song, you’ll be able to join in!

In our July issue, we met the all-female shanty singers, Femmes de la Mer (pictured above) and we’ve been humming shanties ever since. Just so we’re all prepared the next time there’s a coastal singalong, we thought we’d learn a sea shanty ourselves, and you’re welcome to join us.

Blow The Man Down is a traditional shanty dating to the 1860s. It’s thought to be about an accident at sea during which the lives of the sailors were put in jeopardy by sudden gales. You can listen to the song here, and then sing along with the lyrics below. Anyone with an accordion is most welcome, too!

Blow The Man Down

Come, all you young fellows who follow the sea (to me!)
(Wey hey, blow the man down)
And pray pay attention and listen to me
(Gimme some time to blow the man down)

I'm a deep water sailor just in from Hong Kong (to me!)
(Wey hey, blow the man down)
If you buy me a drink, then I'll sing you a song (yeah)
(Gimme some time to blow the man down)

Blow the man down, bullies, blow the man down
Wey hey, blow the man down
Blow him right back into Liverpool town
Gimme some time to blow the man down

There's tinkers and tailors and soldiers and all (to me!)
(Wey hey, blow the man down)
They all ship for sailors on board the Black Ball
(Gimme some time to blow the man down)

You'll see those poor devils, how they will all scoot
(Wey hey, blow the man down)
Assisted along by the toe of a boot
(Gimme some time to blow the man down)

Blow the man down, bullies, blow the man down
Wey hey, blow the man down
Blow him right back into Liverpool town
Gimme some time to blow the man down

It's starboard and larboard on deck they will sprawl (to me!)
(Wey hey, blow the man down)
For kickin' Jack Williams commands the Black Ball
(Gimme some time to blow the man down)

Lay aft now, ya lubbers, lay aft now, I say (to me!)
(Wey hey, blow the man down)
I'll none of yer dodges on my ship today (whoo)
(Gimme some time to blow the man down)

Blow the man down, bullies, blow the man down
Wey hey, blow the man down
Blow him right back into Liverpool town
Gimme some time to blow the man down

So I'll give you fair warning before we belay (to me!)
(Wey hey, blow the man down)
Don't ever take heed of what chantymen say (no)
(Gimme some time to blow the man down)

Blow the man down, bullies, blow the man down
Wey hey, blow the man down
Blow him right back into Liverpool town
Gimme some time to blow the man down

Learn more about singing shanties with Femmes de la Mer in our July issue, which is on sale now. Buy this month's The Simple Things - buy, download or subscribe

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Photography by Zia Mattock

The Joy Of | Window Watching

Iona Bower July 17, 2025

People watching is always a pleasure, but it’s particularly enjoyable done from the comfort of your own home, through your very own window

There’s a pleasant comfort in seeing the neighbours unpacking shopping, fetching in a parcel or weeding the front garden from your window-watching position. Nosy it may be (we’ll happily own that) but it also makes you feel part of a community. There goes Susan on her bike off to work. One gust and that packed lunch in her pannier will be gone… Isn’t that a new postie? Hope she sticks around until Christmas - she looks a sensible sort. What are those workmen digging up NOW? Surely there can’t be a square inch of tarmac they’ve not messed with this year… 

And it’s not just people that are worth taking a seat at the window for. As well as seeing folk you recognise (and, much more interestingly, folk you don’t) a seat at the window might give you a glimpse of wildlife - whether a neighbourhood fox, inquisitive squirrel or flock of birds making their way back to warmer climes. A window onto wildlife is like a TV nature documentary that never stops. 

Perhaps you’re a weather watcher, monitoring the approach of enough blue sky for a pair of sailor’s trousers. Or commenting that it’s ‘black over Bill’s mother’s’. Or maybe you simply like to cloud watch, seeing dragons and castles come and go. 

Window watching is a way of marking the day. The keen joggers, off before breakfast, the school run parents hustling children and cardboard models of Stonehenge down the pavement, the older residents keen to get to the supermarket before the queues, the delivery van drivers, to-ing and fro-ing all day, the toddlers scooting back from playgroup, the dog-walkers off to the park, the evening commuters eager to get home again… All of life is out there, framed by your window, hour by hour. 

As well as making you feel part of a community, a window view takes you out of your small world and into the world of others, literally broadening your horizons. 

And if your view doesn’t offer quite enough for you, the magic of technology means you can always visit someone else’s. You could lose hours on WindowSwap (https://www.window-swap.com/Window), clicking ‘open a window somewhere in the world’ and looking through a window in Cambodia, St Petersburg, Montreal, Melbourne… And you can share your own window view there, too. We warn you - it’s dreadfully addictive for window-watchers.

Why not pull back the curtain right now, see what your view is, and make another link with the world?

In our July ‘Fruit’ issue, our ‘My Place’ pages are all about rooms with a view, and we’ve picked out some beautiful windows for you to gaze out of, including the sea view above by Zia Mattocks. The issue is in shops now.

Buy this month's The Simple Things - buy, download or subscribe

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In Fun Tags issue 157, windows, views
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Photo by Alamy

How to | Fold a Paper Boat

Iona Bower July 16, 2025

Set sail on a local pond or even a puddle with these easy instructions

This paper boat technique is a bit of a classic but we’ve used step-by-step instructions from instructables.com where you can find pictures to help, if you like.

You will need: A piece of A4 paper. A paper folding tool for making your creases nice and crisp is useful but a ruler will do just as well.

  1. Put your A4 paper in front of you, portrait style and fold up from the top to the bottom to fold it in half, leaving the ‘open’ end facing you.

  2. Fold each top corner down diagonally to make the sails. 

  3. Take the flap at the bottom of the paper and fold it up against the bottom of the 2 folded triangles. Take the corners of the rectangle that are sticking out over the triangle and wrap these parts of the paper around the edges of the triangle. Crease them so that they stay wrapped around the edge of the triangle.Flip the paper over and repeat Steps 1 and 2.

  4. Pick up the triangle, then use your fingers to open up the bottom of the triangle. Pull the paper apart gently until it pops into a square shape. Make sure the bottom corners of the triangle fold over each other and become the bottom corner of a diamond.

  5. Arrange your paper so that the bottom points of the diamond can fold upward. Fold up 1 corner, aligning it with the top corner. Then, flip the paper over and do the same thing to the other side.

  6. As before, pick up the triangle, then open up the bottom of your new triangle with your fingers. Crease the paper along its edges so that it stays in a square shape.

  7. Pull out the triangles to release your boat. Start at the top of the diamond and gently pull the two sides apart so that the seam running down the middle of the diamond expands. Crease the bottom of the folded-out sides to make the boat a bit stronger.

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Photo by Rebecca Lewis

Primer | Cricketing Terms

David Parker June 29, 2025

Anyone for cricket? Learn a little of the lingo so you can keep up with events on the pitch as you enjoy a cricket tea from the safety of the picnic blanket

Badger - a very enthusiastic cricketer

Baggy green - the dark green cap worn by the Australian cricket team since the early 1900s

Cafeteria bowling (aka buffet bowling) - bowling so pathetic it allows the batters to simply 'help themselves' to wickets

Castled (see also 'Yorker', below) - If you are 'skittled out' you are dismissed as batsman pretty quickly. If you are 'castled out' you are dismissed as the result of a Yorker. 

Chin Music - a bowling technique where the ball is designed to bounce and target the batsman's chin or throat

Cow corner - the part of the field between deep mid wicket and wide long on. Fielders are rarely placed there so the idea is cows could happily graze on it during the match.

Dibbly Dobbly - a bowl that is neither fast nor slow and with no special technique

DLS (Duckworth Lewis Stern) method - If rain stops play this mathematical formula determines the winner or whether the match can be played but shortened. The sum is based on analysis of past matches. 

Dolly - an incredibly easy catch that the fielder barely has to move to make.

Duck  and Golden Duck - A Duck is when the batsman is dismissed without scoring. A Golden Duck is when they are dismissed on the first ball. 

Pie chucker - a rather poor bowler whose delivery gives the ball a look of a 'pie' in the air

Yorker - A difficult ball to bat in which the ball hits the pitch close to the batter’s feet. May originate from Yorkshire or come from the (somewhat unfair, we think) 18th century term 'to pull a Yorkshire' meaning 'to deceive'. 

If all that has just got you fancying a Pimms and a cucumber sandwich, you might enjoy our ‘gathering’ feature ‘All Out For Tea’ in our June issue. It’s a menu for a cricket tea including Veggie Picnic Pie, Cucumber Skewer Sandwiches, Homemade Lemonade and much more.

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How to | Embrace a Heatwave

David Parker June 24, 2025

Image by Getty

For some of us the now almost annual week’s heatwave is the best week of the year. But for those of us who ‘don’t do well in the heat’ it might not feel like cause for celebration. But rather than simply trying to ‘beat the heat’ we’ve found a few ways to embrace it and learn to love a heatwave.

Fake a week in the tropics

If it’s going to feel like the Bahamas you might as well enjoy the benefits of a beach holiday. Set up a paddling pool or plunge pool in the garden, pop some wave sounds on your iPod, grab a trashy novel and pour inadvisable cocktails - if you pop your Martini on a stool beside the pool you can squint a bit and imagine a swim-up bar situation. Bonus points if you happen to have a palm tree in your garden. 

Shift your day earlier

Rise early and you can get your day’s activities done before the mercury goes mad. Get up with the sun, have a cool shower and find yourself at the lido or out in the park with the dog before the day is even begun. Then have a cool walk or do a few lengths and you can be leaving (smugly) well before the middle-of-the-day fools arrive. Pollen count is lower earlier in the day, too, it’s a good time of day for hay fever sufferers to get their stuff done. 

Or shift it later

Invite friends over after dark for supper in the garden, or to a park picnic. By 8pm it’s usually starting to cool down and you may even get a little breeze over your alfresco dinner. Or move your beach barbecue from lunchtime to sundown. Because sunny days are all very well but, as Sandy and Danny said in Grease, “Oh… Those summer nights!” 

Siesta

The southern Europeans know how to deal with a hot day and that’s a nice nap in the middle of things just when your brain is beginning to give up. Podcast or audio book on. Curtains closed. Starfish on the bed in very little clothing. A nap is good for your brain health and wellbeing and, after forty winks, you’ll feel ready to take on the rest of the day, but we also think the fine art of napping is one to enjoy simply for its own pleasures.

Experience summer indoors

On high summer days, it’s often cooler indoors than out, but staying inside also gives you the chance to do things you might not usually do at this time of year… Box sets, books you put down back in February, low-energy DIY projects are all ways to throw yourself into doing very little, in the way you usually do in the ‘slow’ months of winter. We tend to race around in summer, seeing people, doing things, going out. View a heatwave day as something like the opposite of a snow day and embrace the time just doing very little at home. Book a day off work and find some books, films and box sets to get stuck into. 

Do ‘cool’ cooking

Another good indoor heatwave activity is cooking that requires no oven. We’re thinking something a bit more challenging than salads here; this is about taking time to enjoy the activity rather than just flinging cold ingredients onto a plate because you can’t be bothered to cook. Chilled soups are pleasingly delicious. Try cucumber or tomato. If you’re feeling fancy, The Simple Things’ blog has a recipe for an excellent Cherry Gazpacho with Tarragon Oil that requires no cooking at all. Or you might like to make no-bake or fridge cakes so you can get your baking fix without putting the oven on. There’s a recipe for a no-bake Cheesecake that we recommend on our blog as well as a good Chocolate Fridge Cake . Swap your usual cuppa for an iced tea or coffee and sit down with a slab of fridge cake and a good book.

Soak in a cool bath 

Baths don’t have to be a steamy affair. Run a lukewarm bath and escape for an hour with a cool drink and the radio. If you’re doing your bit for a summer water shortage, you can easily make a ritual out of a ‘mini bath’ too. Soak your feet in a bowl of water with a few drops of essential oils added, or take ten minutes in the bathroom to run your wrists under the cold tap and gently splash cool water on your face and neck to feel instantly refreshed and create a ‘wellbeing break’ in a hot day. 

Head somewhere naturally cool

Eschew the beach and other sunny spots for places with plenty of shade. Churches, galleries and museums are often either naturally cool or air-conditioned. And the best bit is they’re usually quiet on hot, sunny days, too. 

Break all the rules

Record-breaking temperature days are like Christmas week - a time for throwing the norms out the window. Embrace it with ice-creams whenever you fancy, move meal times to whenever works for you and if lunch looks like a tomato salad and a slushie at 3pm that’s absolutely fine. If anyone questions your choices, look confused and say ‘Goodness, it’s this HEAT! I just can’t THINK!’ and refill your slushie.

If what you need to embrace a heatwave is a nice cool breeze wafting towards you (like the lady pictured above), you might enjoy reading our ‘looking back’ feature on fans, which we’ve called ‘A of a Flutter’, in our July issue, in shops now. You can even learn how to send coded messages with a quick flick of your fan.

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In Fun Tags issue 157, how to, summer, heatwave
Comment

How to | Start Snorkelling

David Parker June 17, 2025

Photography by Emma and Gordon Taylor

If you’re diving in for the first time, here’s how to get started on your snorkelling adventures

• Exploring rockpools from dry land is a great way to learn about the marine environment and requires no special skills or equipment. Adding goggles or a mask and snorkel to get a closer view is the logical next step – perhaps trying a larger tidal pool, or finding a shallow, sheltered bay with no currents where you can explore in calm, waist-deep water. Relax, take a few slow, deep breaths and then lower your face into the water to enjoy those first few breaths with the snorkel.

• Remember to stay shallow while you build up your experience and confidence.

• Another great way to get started is to join an organised snorkel tour. This will introduce you to basic snorkelling skills while learning about the marine life you see. Many instructors and organisations including The Wildlife Trusts offer guided excursions.

• You can also take a formal snorkelling qualification. This will teach you how to select the correct equipment, assess a site for suitability and build a greater understanding of what it takes to be safe in the water. If you are looking to buy your own mask and snorkel do make sure it’s from a reputable manufacture since cheap, poorly-designed equipment can be dangerous.

You can read more about great places to snorkel around Britain in our feature, ‘Down Under’, in our June issue. It’s an extract from Snorkelling Britain: 100 Marine Adventures by Emma and Gordon Taylor (Wild Things). Readers can get 20%* off and free P&P with discount code SIMPLETHINGS at wildthingspublishing.com

Buy this month's The Simple Things - buy, download or subscribe

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Photography by Karen Dunn

Books | Lighthouse Literature

David Parker June 12, 2025

We shine a light on a few of our favourite books set in lighthouses

There’s definitely something about a lighthouse that appeals to authors. Perhaps it’s the solitude and nature of life lived in a liminal space right on the edge of land. They certainly are a very visual literary trope - we all know what a lighthouse looks like, and they cut a dramatic figure on the landscape. It’s perhaps no wonder they feature in so many works of fiction. Here are a few of the most well-loved…

To The Lighthouse, Virginia Woolf

Woolf’s stream-of-consciousness novel follows the Ramsay family across several years and a trip to a lighthouse that feels like it may never come. We’ll be honest, the lighthouse trip itself is a bit underwhelming in the end, but the novel is so different to anything that had come before and is still in a league of its own. 

Annihilation, Jeff VanderMeer

This deliciously creepy novel follows four women who have been sent to investigate ‘Area X’. They are the 12th team to have been sent; the previous 11 teams either did not return or returned utterly changed. Within Area X is a lighthouse in which they find unfinished journals and signs of a struggle…

The Lighthouse, Edgar Allen Poe

If you enjoy ‘creepy’ no one does it like the master, Edgar Allen Poe. Perhaps the creepiest thing about this work of fiction is that it is unfinished; Poe died while he was writing it. The book takes the form of a ‘diary’ belonging to the solo keeper of the lighthouse, who takes enormous pleasure in his solitude. 

Lighthouse Keeping, Jeanette Winterson

Winterson’s novel is a beautiful and intriguing tale of orphan girl, Silver, who is taken in by a blind lighthouse keeper on the coast of Scotland. 

The Lighthouse, PD James

An Inspector Dalgliesh novel, which takes place on the slightly claustrophobic Combe Island, where a novelist is found dead, hanging in the renovated lighthouse. 

The Light Between Oceans, M L Stedman
A moving and poignant story about a childless lighthouse keeper and his wife on an isolated island off Australia who rescue a baby adrift at sea and raise her as their own. Years later her parentage is discovered. A proper tale of love, loss, justice and tragedy.

The Lighthouse Keeper's Lunch, Rhonda and David Armitage

One to prove that not all lighthouses are creepy… Mr Girling and his wife live in a lighthouse keeper’s cottage from which he rows out to the lighthouse each day. Mrs Girling sends his lunch over in a basket on a rope each day but have to find an ingenious way of preventing the seagulls from eating the ham sandwiches. 

The Puffin Keeper, Michael Morpurgo

A beautiful adventure for children, that begins with a shipwreck at a lighthouse and evolves into an unlikely but wonderful friendship. It’s also a homage to Allen Lane, the founder of puffin books. 

Mind the Light, Katie, Mary Louise Clifford

A historical account of 33 female lighthouse keepers. Brilliantly researched and totally fascinating. 

If you’re inspired to a lighthouse adventure of your own, don’t miss our ‘Weekend Away’ feature from our June issue in which Karen Dunn stays in a lighthouse.

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Illustration by Kavel Rafferty

How to | Learn to Skip

David Parker June 5, 2025

Skipping is a skill worth honing: it’s fantastic exercise, you can do it anywhere and it looks pretty cool, especially if you can throw a move or two.

The basics

Get these down and it’ll feel like less effort. • Jump low: jumping too high wastes energy and stresses the joints. • Keep on the balls of the feet: avoid kicking your feet back and up as you jump (bending the knees only slightly prevents this). • Keep elbows pointing back, hands close to the body, next to your hips. • Rotate the rope with your wrists not your arms. • Keep your rope shorter: it’s more efficient. • Avoid the double jump if your aim is harder moves.

The trickier bits

Whatever feat you’re tackling, practise without the rope first to get your rhythm right. Start by jumping side to side or forwards and backwards as you skip. Then try jumping toes and heels together (the ‘wounded duck’). The enviable boxer’s skip is simply jumping from side to side (jump right, tap left, jump left, tap right). Once you’re comfortable with your feet, play with the arms: crossing and swinging the rope and the 180˚ turn. And when you get really confident, try doing it with your dog: Purin, a beagle from Japan, holds the record for ‘Most skips by a dog and a person in one minute – single rope’ managing 58 in a minute.

If you like skipping, you might like to get back into these childhood games, this bank holiday

French elastic
Grab two friends and a length of elastic and start chanting: England, Ireland, Scotland, Wales. Inside, outside, inside, ON! You can learn to do it at the Scouts’ website.

Hopscotch
All you need is a piece of chalk, a pebble and to be able to count to ten and you have yourself aan afternoon of back garden entertainment. Learn to hopscotch here.

Cat’s Cradle
Find a length of string, look up the rules and get looping with a cat’s cradle partner.

Hula-hooping
Here’s one you can do alone (and you WILL want to do it alone until you get a bit good and can show off in the park. You can find instructions on how to hula hoop on our blog.

You can find more merriment and silliness in our Miscellany pages each month.

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How hard can it be | To Maypole Dance

David Parker May 1, 2025

What do you mean you’ve never danced around a maypole? What kind of misspent youth did you have? Don’t worry; we have some simple step-by-step instructions just in time

First, catch your maypole
If you’ve access to an already-standing pole, you can skip (hop and dance) this step. Otherwise, get a pole of at least 4m (try B&Q) and attach a number of long ribbons to it. You’ll need one ribbon per dancer, of which you’ll need eight, including yourself if dancing. Are you dancing? (Response: Are you asking?) Sink your pole firmly into some soil. In front of a church looks pretty but you’ll need to work with what you have.

Start choreographing
Gather your dancers and split them into an A team and a B team. Stand them around the pole at equal intervals from alternate teams, so A, B, A, B and so on. Brook no complaints from dancers; things are about to get a lot trickier.

Go in, out, in, out (but don’t shake it all about)
Concentrate now – this is no May Day Picnic. The A team dancers should skip clockwise around the maypole and B team dancers, anticlockwise. Don’t worry, you shouldn’t collide because… Dancers should skip alternately left and then right of the dancers they pass, going ‘over, under, over, under’ with their ribbons. Still with us? Good. On an ‘over’, pass your ribbon over the dancer coming towards you. On an ‘under’ duck under the ribbon of the dancer coming towards you. If you’re untangled at the end treat yourself to a flagon of mead.

The instructions above are from our May issue’s Miscellany pages, which are packed with seasonal silliness each month.

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Crafting | How to Whittle

David Parker April 26, 2025

With a little knowhow you can make skewers for smores or even a useful extra tent peg

Whittling requires as little as a pen knife and some imagination, along with some young, fresh wood that hasn’t dried out and has fallen from the tree naturally – no chopping down branches. Pieces without knots are easier to work with, too.

While, when used with supervision, a pen knife is the best whittling tool, a vegetable peeler works well, too. You could even bring along some sandpaper to smooth your stick.

Begin by removing the bark, then cut the wood using a push stroke – this means cutting away from your body (with no fingers in the way). Never cut on your lap, always have the wood past your knees or to the side of your body for safety (and bring a first aid kit, just in case).

What you choose to whittle is up to you, but a suitable stick for toasting marshmallows, or a wand to wave around are good ways to add a little extra magic to your day out.

The instructions for whittling are taken from our May ‘Gathering’ feature, Whittle Down the Woods, which includes a menu for a late spring picnic along with ideas on things to make and do outdoors. The recipes are by Becky Cook and the photography by Will Heap.

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How to | Win at Pottery Painting

David Parker April 12, 2025

Whether you’re planning a quiet afternoon painting a mug or a get-together with a gang of friends painting plates over a few cuppas in your local pottery cafe, a blank canvas can be a bit overwhelming, especially if you’re no Van Gogh. We asked Karen Dunn, owner of ceramics cafe Creative Biscuit, for her best tips for no-fail designs - even if you struggle to draw a stick man

Patterns – If you don’t think you can draw go for patterns instead. Spots, stripes, a scalloped edge, simple shapes and patterns in bold colours always look great.

Sponges – Go full Emma Bridgewater and use shaped sponges to decorate your ceramics. As above you can use simple shapes such as circles or squares or use a shaped sponge such as a leaf or a heart. Dip the sponge in paint and make sure you fully soak up the paint to get an even print.

Tape – You can use masking tape or similar to create a pattern on ceramic, as wherever you place tape will remain white. Paint over the top and then using a pin to find the end of the tape, pull the tape off to reveal your white pattern underneath – plus the peeling is very satisfying.

Tracing – Copy a picture onto ceramic by taking your drawing or a print out of an image you would like to copy on paper and on the reverse side coat the back of the image with a soft pencil, covering the area in graphite. Next turn it over so the pencil is facing the ceramic and trace over the top of the picture with a ball point pen or similar to transfer the image to ceramic. Note: Pencil burns away in the kiln so make sure you paint everything you want to see when it comes out of the kiln.

Scratching – Like the pottery technique sgraffito, you can create scratched patterns in your underglaze paint. Make sure you put three good layers of paint on your ceramic then using a skewer or anything with a sharp tip to scratch out your pattern.

Bubble painting – A bubble pattern on ceramics looks impressive but is very easy to create. Get some washing up liquid, plus a little bit of water and a lot of the underglaze paint in the colour you wish to use and mix well. Get a straw and blow bubbles in the mixture. You can then either build up a mound of bubbles and wipe the ceramic through them or scoop bubbles with your hand and place them on the ceramic when you would like them to be.

Hand and footprints – Hand and footprints last forever when painted on ceramic and are really easy to do. Paint the hand or foot you want to print with a layer of paint – not too thick so it smudges and not too thin or you won’t see the print. Bring the ceramic to the hand or foot, then press on and off quickly. If you or your child is a bit too big for a hand or footprint, you can always do fingerprints and turn them into other things such as people or patterns.

You can find more inspiration at creativebiscuit.co.uk which is based in East London, and hear more from Karen in our My Day in Cups of Tea pages in our April issue, in shops now.

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Science | Archimedes' Principle Explained

David Parker April 10, 2025

How did Archimedes really develop his principle of displacement? Quiet at the back there. You might learn something… 

Wasn’t it something about him dashing out of a bath naked, shouting “Eureka”? Sorry, but no. Happily, the unembellished story is almost as exciting and you can feel incredibly smug the next time someone tells the ‘Eureka’ story by correcting them gently. Here’s what really happened. 

It all began when the rather suspicious-minded King Heiron II of Syracuse commissioned a crown to be made from pure gold. Characteristically, when the crown arrived, the King decided that he may have been tricked and perhaps the crown-maker had used some silver in there to make it cheaper. The King asked Archimedes to work out the truth of the matter. 

Archimedes took a mass of silver and a mass of gold, each equal in weight to that of the crown. We wish we had masses of gold and silver just hanging about the house but that’s not for here… He filled a bowl of water to the brim, put the silver mass in and measured the water displaced by it. He then repeated this with the gold. He found that the gold displaced less water than the silver, meaning the silver must be heavier. 

Next, like Poirot wrapping up an investigation, he refilled the water and put the crown in it. The crown displaced more water than the mass of gold did and the little grey cells immediately deduced that the crown must therefore contain silver as well as gold. “Eureka!”, he almost certainly did not say.

If you feel like a lovely big bath is missing from this story, you might instead enjoy our ‘My Place’ feature from April, which this month features spaces in which you can enjoy a soak in the tub. We particularly fancied a soak in the bath above, which belongs to @honeyjoyhome. 

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Illustration by Trina Dalziel

How to | Be More Jane Austen

David Parker April 3, 2025

This year marks the author’s 250th birthday and to celebrate we’re finding ways to live a life more Jane. Bonnets at the ready… 

1. Start your day productively

Austen rose each day and played piano before making breakfast. We’re not saying you should also sit at the pianoforte before your Weetabix, but ‘doing something’ each morning is a great way to begin a productive day. If yoga mats had been a thing then we daresay Jane might have done some sun salutations or a few stretches. Or you could simply read a few pages of a book over a cup of tea. Austen’s niece, Caroline, describes her aunt’s morning piano practice: “Aunt Jane began the day with music tho’ she had no one to teach, was never induced (as I have hear) to play in company; and none of her family cared much for it. I suppose, that she might not trouble them, she chose her practising time before breakfast when she could have the room to herself.” So there you have it, rise early and get your hobbies done and you won’t have to listen to anyone else complaining about them.

2. Get really good at cup and ball tossing

All great writers need an ‘escape’ hobby. Some go fishing, others tend their gardens… Austen got SERIOUSLY good at cup and ball tossing. Her nephew wrote in his memoir of his aunt: “Her performances with cup and ball were marvellous. The one used at Chawton was an easy one and she has been known to catch it on the point above an hundred times in succession, till her hand was weary.” We all need a niche to call our own.

3. Always sleep on it

When it comes to making big decisions, Austen learned that it was always worth sleeping on it. Two weeks before her 27th birthday, she received a proposal of marriage from Harris Bigg-Wither, a family friend. She accepted, but changed her mind overnight, breaking off the engagement 12 hours later. Probably for the best. Her niece described him as “very plain in person - awkward, and even uncouth in manner”. What a catch. Apart from anything, Pride and Prejudice by Jane Bigg-Withers just sounds all wrong. Anyway, whether you’re considering a proposal of marriage, or wondering which heritage tomatoes to plant in your allotment this year, sleep on it first. 

4. Write letters by hand

Jane was a prolific letter-writer, penning thousands of missives throughout her life, of which only around 160 survive, sadly. There’s nothing like the joy of receiving a hand-written letter, and writing them is lots of fun, too, and will make you feel very Jane Austen indeed. If you want to go all in, you could write with a goose’s quill as Jane herself did. Envelopes did not exist at the time so letters were written on a single folded sheet and then cleverly origami’d into a sort of envelope. You can find out how to do this yourself on the Jane Austen’s House website. 

5. Learn to fix everything with a good long walk

Austen described herself as a “desperate” walker and walking was very much part of her daily life; she regularly wrote of her perambulations in her letters. The importance of walking to her comes out in her characters, too. From Elizabeth Bennet to Mary Musgrove and the Dashwood sisters, walks represent freedom of mind and body as well as a useful way to pass the time, when days could drag a little. In Pride and Prejudice she writes that “A walk… was necessary to amuse their morning hours and furnish conversation for the evening.” Try to take a walk each day, even if you don’t venture too far, so that at least you can comment on the state of the new mounting blocks at Netherfield over dinner. 

6. Swap your latte for a tea and your Hobnob for a Bath Bun

Tea, being less likely to cause young men in coffee houses to revolt against the government than coffee, tends to be the choice of Austen’s characters (though coffee does make appearances) but it is known that Austen was a great Tea Lover.  As for something to take with one’s tea, Bath Buns were her favourites - little dough rolls, sprinkled with sugar, sometimes with candied peel or raisins in. The Jane Austen Literary Foundation has a good Bath Buns Recipe if your tin needs replenishing. Just serve them alongside a cuppa; we don’t believe Jane Austen was a dunker. 

7. Relish the simple things in life

Aren’t we always being encouraged to appreciate the little things in life? Austen was at it centuries before wellbein’ was ‘a thing’. She wrote in her letters of some of her glimmers, including getting her hat repaired “on which you know my principal hopes of happiness depend!” and also wrote to her sister Cassandra in great detail about the minutiae of daily life: “You know how interesting the purchase of a sponge-cake is to me.” We can get right behind the joy of a mended hat and a good sponge cake. 


If you need any more ideas for way to live a life more Jane, you might like some of the ideas on the Jane Austen’s House website for ways to celebrate 250 years since the author’s birth. We also have a very special ‘outing’ feature in our April issue. First take the quiz to discover which Bennet sister from Pride and Prejudice you are, and then find an Austen-themed day out to suit. 

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Language | Learn to speak 'Duck' abroad

David Parker April 1, 2025

Photography: Ramona Jones

If it walks like a duck and quacks like a duck, as they say… chances are it’s a duck. But what if you’re in another country and it DOESN’T quack like a duck at all? Animal noises must surely sound the same the world over (though who’s to say if they aren’t speaking French or Spanish at the end of the day?) But interestingly, their sounds are represented differently across the globe. Why is that? 

Language learning app, Duo Lingo has a few answers: “The language you speak shapes which sounds you hear, and how you imagine animals sounding when they make noise. So the way a language represents the noise a pig makes can tell us about what sounds exist in that language and how they form words. For example, in English, the noise a pig makes (oink!) contains the sound combination [ɔɪ], reflecting that this is an acceptable combination of sounds in English, as in the word oil. But not all languages have those two particular vowels, and even if they do, they might not be allowed to be combined that way. In Polish, the noise a pig makes is chrum, where the first sound is sort of between a "k" and a "h"—a sound that doesn't exist in English! (And maybe if we had it, we'd think pigs were saying chrum, too.)”

So that’s pigs sorted. Let’s back to ducks. We’ve done a quick sweep across the globe and translated ‘Quack quack’ into a few different languages, so when you’re next on your travels you’ll know exactly what to say if a duck greets you! 

Welsh - Cwac cwac

French - Coin coin

German - Quak quak

Danish - Rap rap

Dutch - Kwak kwak

Finnish - Kvaak kvaak

Italian - Qua qua

Ukrainian - Kakh kakh

Latvian - pēk pēk

Icelandic - Bra bra

Bulgarian - Na na

Romanian - Mac mac

Mandarin (presumably Mandarin Ducks?) - 嘎嘎 (gā gā)

We couldn’t get enough of ducks in our April issue. The cover features some very fluffy ducklings, you can meet some ducks in our ‘My Plot’ pages and our ‘Magical Creatures’ feature looks at ducks this month, too. The issue is on sale now. The ducklings above belong to Ramona Jones, whose garden features in our My Plot pages this month. Her book Growing (Ebury Press) with additional photography by Aaron Gibson, is out now.

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Wisdom | Mother Knows Best

David Parker March 27, 2025

Mothers do often seem to know best don’t they? This month, as we mark Mother’s Day, we thought we would share some wisdom from The Simple Things’ team’s own mums

“I remember when I was having a real wobble during exams and was woefully unprepared. Rather than telling me off for my lack of revision, Mum just gave me the biggest cuddle and told me that it didn't matter what results I got, the sun would still rise tomorrow and the world would still turn. Really simple, but it really resonated and was just what I needed to hear. She also used to say there was nothing a G&T and a pack of Walkers Ready Salted couldn't fix. I’d agree with that, too.”

Abbie Miller, Sub Editor

“My mum used to always say 'never go food shopping hungry', which is actually very good advice. She also told me when I was little that when you get money out of the cashpoint, a person is the other side pushing it through. I used to shout 'thank you' until I was about 10.” 

Rob Bidiss, Commercial Director

“‘Kiss the ugly frog’. That stuck with me! The idea is, if you've a load of tasks to do (in this case it was revision), start with the one you're most dreading as you'll feel relieved once it's done and the rest won't seem so bad!”

Jo Mattock, Commissioning Editor

“My favourite piece of advice my mum has ever given me is: ‘Never drink alone. If you’re on your own, pour yourself a drink and switch on The Archers, then you can have a glass of wine with everyone in The Bull!’. Genius.”

Iona Bower, Editor at Large

“My mum used  to say before I went out: 'Be good, and if you can't be good be careful'. Sound advice.”

Karen Dunn, Commissioning Editor

“My mum always said ‘everything feels better after a walk up the garden’. Whatever the problem was (tummy ache, friendships, homework) I was always told to go for a walk up the garden and it would feel better. She was right, too.” 

Rebecca Frank, Wellbeing Editor

“My mum doesn’t have just one pearl of wisdom but she does start most sentences with 'What you could do...' Among the funniest what-you-could-dos include  'what you could do is put a portable loo in your front garden rather than convert the under stair cupboard' and the time she suggested what my sister could do was combine her wedding with an event that happened the day before so she could re-use the flowers!”

Liz Boyd, Picture Editor

In our March issue, we met several women who have learned skills, passions and philosophies from their mothers, including Roisin Taylor and her mum Caroline, who passed on her passion for growing. You can read more about all the mums and their wisdom from page 56.

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How to | Improve Your Pancake Toss

David Parker March 4, 2025

Illustration by Kavel Rafferty

There’s still time to sneak in a bit of pancake day training…

Easy wins

Use a non-stick pan, and don’t add too much oil. Brad Jolly, a chef with the World Record for most tosses of a pancake in one minute (140), says you don’t want too thick a batter and should wait until air bubbles form before tossing. Shake or tap the pan to loosen, then slip the pancake towards the side before you flip.

All in the wrist

Grip the handle close to the edge of the pan. You want a flick of the wrist rather than involving your forearm, or whole arm. Gordon Ramsay says to “push away, and flip back up with your wrist.”

Employ science

Dr Mark Hadley, of Warwick University’s Physics department, estimates that to get your pancake up to half a metre in the air, you need to launch at 3m per second. Pan-handling practice Mike Cuzzacrea – who runs marathons while tossing pancakes and has over three decades of records to his name – practises daily. He uses his maple tree to judge flip height (we don’t know if maple syrup is his topping of choice). He also trains toget “the arm strength and the right technique ... I practise the movement bending up and down.”

Be inventive

Even Mike relies on more than skill. To help his pancakes survive marathons, he glues a few together and wraps them in plastic. Not something we advise if you also fancy eating them.

These instructions for improving your pancake tossing skills come from our March Miscellany pages, which are always full of topical information and seasonal silliness.

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Illustration by Jenny Kroik

Fun | Lost Library Books

Iona Bower February 25, 2025

Ever felt the burning shame of the words “I’m afraid this is overdue so… there’s a fine unfortunately…” Feel instantly better with our countdown of some of the most overdue books in British history.

  • In at number five is The Adventures of Pinocchio by Carlo Collidi. Clearly the borrower learned nothing about lying well from reading the book, since he sheepishly returned it 63 years late to Rugby Library. Cleverly, he returned it during an eight-day amnesty on fines as it would have set him back more than £400 at a rate of 18p per day. 

  • Climbing the ladder of shame at number four is Stanley Timber by Rupert Hughes, which was borrowed from Dunfermline Central Library. Again, during a fines amnesty during the COVID pandemic, the daughter of the dastardly borrower posted it back to the library, 73 years overdue, avoiding the £2,847 fine. 

  • At number three, it’s our first school library crime. Edward Ewbank (stay behind after school please, Ewbank) borrowed The Poetry of Lord Byron from St Bees School in Cumbria  on 25 September 1911. It was returned 113 years overdue. Ewbank was sadly killed at the Battled of Ypres in 1916, so did not return the book himself, and avoided a detention. 

  • Just missing out on the top spot is The Microscope and its Revelations by Willian B Carpenter, which was borrowed by Arthur Boycott of Hereford Cathedral School at some point between 1886 and 1894. In Boycott’s defence, clearly he read the book carefully as he went on to become an eminent naturalist and pathologist. His granddaughter returned the book to the school some 122-130 years later. The school generously waived the fine of £7,446. 

  • And finally, at number one… a mysterious entry with no title, but known to be a German book about the Archbishop of Bremen, was borrowed by Robert Walpole from Sidney Sussex College’s library in Cambridge. It was discovered in the library of the Marquess of Cholmondley at Houghton Hall in Norfolk and returned to its rightful home between 287 and 288 years overdue. Despite not having a title of its own it is now the proud owner of the title Most Overdue Library Book in the Guinness Book of World Records. 

You can read a personal reflection on why we love a library by Frances Ambler in the February issue of The Simple Things.

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Image from Unseen Scotland: The Hidden Places, History And Lore Of The Wild Scottish Landscape by Bryan Millar Walker (Greenfinch)

Folklore | Beira Queen of Winter

Iona Bower January 28, 2025

Hills and hollows, cliffs and caves have inspired folklore for generations. Here’s one tale in which the British landscape has become a character in itself…

The appropriately named Loch Awe is Scotland’s longest freshwater loch, and we have Beira, Queen of Winter, to thank for this incredible view. As well as creating mountains and using the wild Corryvreckan whirlpool near Jura as her washing machine, this giantess with blue skin and one eye also made Loch Awe by mistake. One day, after drinking from a well, she forgot to cover it again. The water overflowed and flooded the land, forming this magnificent loch. It is now home to a monster, of course – the Big Beast, who has 12 legs and looks like a gigantic eel.

You can read more about British landscapes that have inspired folk tales in our January issue feature, Scene Setting. The issue is in shops now or can be ordered from our online store.

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Almanac | A simple, seasonal idea for every month

Iona Bower January 1, 2025
 
 

We include an ‘almanac’ in every issue of The Simple Things, with a few ideas of things to note and notice, plan and do each month. We thought we would start 2025 in a similar way, with an idea for something seasonal you could do each month. We hope you like them and perhaps think up a few of your own, too…

January - Hunt for snowdrops. You may even discover a new species.

February - Light a candle to mark Candlemas.

March - Pick a clear night to try stargazing. 

April - Pack up a picnic and some outdoor games for a day in the fresh air.

May - Visit a fete or fayre. Bonus point if you bring home a coconut.

June - Host a midsummer meal for friends outdoors. 

July - Head to the coast and try rockpooling.

August - Go on a bramble ramble (blackberrying).

September - Toast bread over a bonfire for a simple supper.

October - Mark National Bookshop Day by buying a book of ghost stories to tell with friends.

November - Bake Soul Cakes for All Souls Day.

December - See some winter lights, even if it’s just in your neighbourhood streets.

The January issue is out now, and in it you’ll find lots more seasonal things to do. Buy this month's The Simple Things - buy, download or subscribe

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The Simple Things

Taking time to live well

We celebrate slowing down, enjoying what you have, making the most of where you live, enjoying the company of of friends and family, and feeding them well. We like to grow some of our own vegetables, visit local markets, rummage for vintage finds, and decorate our home with the plunder. We love being outdoors and enjoy the satisfaction that comes with a job well done.

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