Neighbourly books for your neighbourhood library

Books about neighbours to start a neighbourhood library

In our October issue, we have a weekend project on how to make a tiny neighbourhood library for your front garden. Obviously, we were immediately sold and already measuring up planks of wood before the ink was dry on the pages. You can find the project on page 84.

Once you’ve knocked up your tiny neighbourhood library, you’ll want some books in it, and we think for the launch, some books that focus on neighbourhoods and neighbours might tempt the folk on your street to get lending and borrowing. Here are a few to get you going…

The Quiet at the End of the World by Lauren James

The story of Lowrie and Shen, the two youngest people left on earth after a pandemic causes mass infertility, and the community that reveres them.

The Woman Next Door by Yewande Omotoso

Hortensia and Marion are next-door neighbours in post-Apartheid Cape Town. One is black, one is white, and they are sworn enemies, until an unforeseen event begins to change things.

The Stars Beneath Our Feet by David Barclay Moore

The Christmas after Lolly Rachpaul’s brother is killed in a gang-related shooting in Harlem, his mother buys him a huge box of Lego. While he tries to avoid the bad gangs in the city, he’s also building an amazing Lego city at the community centre which starts to become his way back into the neighbourhood.

The New Neighbours by Diney Costeloe

The residents of quiet and exclusive cul-de-sac, Dartmouth Circle have their peace shattered by the arrival of a bunch of students. Will there be hilarious antics, upset and changes of heart? We think it’s likely.

A Year of Marvellous Ways by Sarah Winman

Eighty-nine-year-old Marvellous Ways lives on the edge of a river in Cornwall, where she often sits on the banks with her telescope. One day a young soldier called Drake is washed up in the river, broken, bloodied and in need of help, and of course, Marvellous obliges.  

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Quiz | Which is your Spiritual Fictional Boarding School?

It’s almost time to pack up your pencil case and head back to school for the new term. But which school is the right fit for you? Take a trip through your childhood bookshelves with our back to school quiz and find out where you’re packing your cases for. 

1. How do you feel about academia?

a. It’s important to do your best, but far more important to be a well-rounded, solid young woman; the sort your school can be proud of.

b. Skool is wet and weedy. And thus only for wets and weeds. Generally I manadge  to bish it up sumhow.

c. I enjoyed the Latin I did with Father. But my governess says, that while a little culture is important, becoming a home-maker is what really counts. I’m hoping to apply myself a little more to my needlework this term.

d. I went to the local comp and it was fine but I always felt something was ‘missing’ that I couldn’t quite put my finger on. What I need is a little more guidance from the adults in my life. 

e. I try my best. It just always seems to go wrong somehow. 

2. How do you wear your school uniform?

a. Properly and with pride, naturally! I always feel a swell od satisfaction when I look at myself in the mirror in my smart tunic and boater. 

b.  At a rakish angel, as eny fule kno.

c.  Oh, I’m never out of it. It’s jolly attractive, you know. The deep blue really sets off my eyes, and the crimson honeycombing at the waist and white revers on the shoulder give it some lovely detailing. I think a good uniform is so important. 

d. There’s a lot of clobber and it tends to get rather a battering but there’s nothing an invisibility cloak won’t cover up. 

e. I never look quite right in it. My socks are usually falling down around my ankles and my boot laces trailing. My hat is usually either lost or bashed in on one side. 

3. What’s your ideal school dinner?

a. Not a word to matron, but obviously it’s a midnight feast! Tins of Carnation milk, sardines and perhaps even some chocolate if someone’s folks have been down for exeat weekend. 

b. Is ther indeed eny such thing? I hav lookd on in horror as the skool dinner lady serves up the peece of cod that passeth understanding and been ever after grateful to receev a simple skool sossige (assuming the rotten skool dog hav not already ate i)t and a spotted dick and custard. 

c. Sunday breakfasts are a firm favourite with me: get up late at nine, and then tuck into coffee with rolls and honey. 

d. Anything that’s followed by treacle tart. Magic!

e.  Tea, crumpets and butter, taken in front of the fire. 

4. What’s your strongest memory of school?

a. The words of my head teacher will always stay with me and I try to put them into use every day: “You’ll get a lot out of school. See that you put a lot back.”

b. My torture at the hands of the skool bully, Graber, captane of evry sports team, winner of the Miss Joyful Prize for raffia work and all round cad and bounder, is sumthing that will remane with me.

c. Golly, there was so much drama, I could scarcely say. Some poor girl was almost always succumbing to tuberculosis or getting caught in an avalanche and having a scrape with death. And we once had a spy in the school during the war. That was jolly exciting.

d. I had a couple of run-ins with an arch nemesis that definitely stick in the mind. 

e.  Being turned into a frog. 

5. What do you want to be when you grow up?

a. I know my folks would be rather pleased if I married a doctor like my father but I loved school so much, I think I’d like to be a teacher. 

b. Anything that gets me out of this skool, which is a bit of a shambles, as you can see. In fact, sumthing as far away as possible, so perhaps a career in space. Sumthing in a rocket that go ‘ur ur whoosh’ and fly me up to the moon, from were I may look down on skool and all the clot-faced wets therein and larf. 

c. I’d like to go back to England and go up to Oxford, which would make Mummy terribly proud, but if not, I shall probably study at one of the art needlework schools and start a family. I’m not sure there’s much in between is there?

d. I’m keeping an open mind. I’d just like to follow my destiny really. 

e. Something working with animals. They understand me better than people. 

Answers

Add up the number of As, Bs, Cs etc to find our which is your Spirit Boarding School

Mostly As: Lacrosse sticks at the ready: you’re off to Malory Towers. Hurrah!

Mostly Bs: CAVE! CAVE! It’s the beak:  you’re off to St Custard’s with Molesworth and co.

Mostly Cs: Lummy, don’t forget your snow shoes: you’re off to the Chalet School. 

Mostly Ds: Lumos! Don’t be late for the Hogwarts Express. You’re going to wizarding school!

Mostly Es: Drat! You’re off to Miss Cackle’s Academy for Witches. Let’s hope you’re not the Worst Witch there.

If that has got you feeling nostalgic for more books you once owned, don’t miss our Looking Back feature on children’s fiction in our September issue.

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Make | A Solar Oven From a Pizza Box

A bright idea for when the sun is baking hot 

1 Leaving a gap from the edge, cut three sides of a square into the pizza box lid. Score on the fourth side to make a liftable flap. 

2 Tape foil over the inside side of the flap.  

3 Open the box and tape a tight layer of hole-free clear plastic over the inside of the lid (including over the flap-hole you just made).  

4 Tape foil over the rest of the inside.  

5 Add a square of black card to the inside base of the box.  

6 Get ready for use on a hot and sunny day by sticking in direct sunlight for as long as possible with the flap held open. Angle the flap so the foil directs the sun towards the plastic.  

7 Wait until the box/oven gets hot and pop something inside on the card to cook (marshmallows are probably a better option than pies for now). Use oven gloves to get out when ready. It takes a while but who needs to be anywhere on a sunny summer day, anyway? 
 
 This make was from our July Miscellany pages, but we thought it was fun enough to share now. Find more miscellany in every issue of The Simple Things.

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From our August issue…

Good reasons to live on a houseboat

In our August issue, Pete and Emily Francis showed us around their houseboat and had us all hankering after a life on the ocean wave (or at least a life on the canal). To tempt you to the same, we’ve put together a watertight list of reasons why living on a houseboat is the best way to live. 

1. You never need to declutter. If the item wasn’t essential in the first place, you’d never have brought it on board. 

2. Whenever you’re sick of the view, you can change it. 

3. It’s very hard to have accidents because every surface has a ledge on it. No more broken mugs. 

4. You never have to shout up the stairs when it’s dinner time. Your family will simply see you put dinner on the table from six inches away. 

5. If you fall out with your neighbours you can move house the same day. 

6. You’ll never have trouble falling asleep; you’ll be rocked to the land of nod every night. 

7. And it’s never far to walk to the loo in the middle of the night either. 

8. You’ll save a fortune on ‘calming water sounds’ apps for your wellbeing. 

9. You can legitimately call yourself ‘captain’. And if you make a friend in the boating community you can promote yourself to admiral of the fleet. 

10. And if you ever suffer from dissent in the ranks you can make your family walk the plank. 

If you need any more (sensible) reasons to live on a houseboat, you can read about Peter and Emily’s lives aboard the Navah on page 88 of the August issue or follow them on Instagram at @littlefloatinghome.

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Fact file | Bananarama

A few fascinating facts about one of our favourite all-female bands

1. Bananarama’s first demo tape was in Swahili, a cover of Black Blood’s Aie A Mwana.

2. The name ‘Bananarama’ was inspired by the Roxy Music song Pyjamarama - and bananas, because they felt they were exotic.

3. The first flat Sara Dallin and Keren Woodward shared was above the Sex Pistols’ rehearsal rooms in Denmark Street, London. The walls were covered in Johnny Rotten’s murals of Sid and Nancy, so Sara and Keren added their own names to the image, too. 

4. When Jacquie O’Sullivan replaced Siobhan Fahey, she rerecorded her vocals on I Want You Back and Nathan Jones.

5. Sara Dallin and Keren Woodward have been friends since they were four and growing up together in Bristol. 

6. After finding fame fast, they now admit they kitted out their first flats stealing sheets and towels from hotel rooms while they were touring. 

7. Keren Woodward is a classically trained pianist. 

8. And finally, a Simple Things/Banarama fun fact: Siobhan Fahey’s sister, Maire, was the editor of Prima magazine, a title also once held by TST editor Lisa Sykes. See we’re much less than six degrees of Kevin Bacon away from our eighties idols?!

We were inspired to find out more about Bananarama after reading the Looking Back feature on girl bands in our July issue. The issue also has a rather wonderful girl bands playlist in it, too, which we thoroughly recommend.

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Games | for campervans, caravans and tents

Gather round the foldy-up table and join us for some fun and games for small spaces

If you’re heading off camping this summer you’re probably planning a few games around the campfire. There’s nothing like staring into the flames over a hand of cards with a steaming mug of tea (or a whisky) by your side. 

But the reality of British weather means you need a back up plan, too, and we’re all about embracing the back-up plan. While basking in the great outdoors, under the stars on a warm night is a wonderful thing, we love just as much the cosiness of playing a game, crammed happily around a tiny table with hot drinks on the Primus and rain battering the roof (or canvas) over your head. 

Camping accommodation wasn’t built for large board games with many pieces. So here’s our round-up of games for small spaces that require few props, or nothing at all, and won’t end with someone’s tea being spilt during a particularly riotous round of charades. 

Monopoly Deal
Monopoly without the board and, better still, without the commitment of hours! This tiny travel version of the classic board game can be played in around 15 minutes.. Buy Monopoly Deal. 

Mini Jenga.

As much fun as the giant, building and balancing game, but fits easily into your rucksack and can be played on the teeniest of caravan furniture or on a fold-up camping table. Buy Mini Jenga.

Wink Murder

An oldie but a goodie. Take as many sheets of paper as you have players. Write ‘potential victim’ on all but one. Write ‘murderer’ on the last one. Chat, eat, drink and go about your business as usual. The murderer must secretly wink at others to ‘murder’ them without being spotted. If you are winked at you must silently count to five then enact a grisly ‘death’. If you think you have spotted the murderer you may accuse them by ordering them to turn over their card. 

Balderdash

All you need is a pen and paper for this. A dictionary is useful but you can also look up ‘Balderdash free words list’ on your phone to get you started. Take it in turns to choose an unusual word and secretly write down the definition. The other players make up their own plausible definitions. The person who picked the word then reads out all the definitions including the real one and everyone votes on which they think is the real word. Players score points for every person who votes for their ‘definition’. You get a point if you guess correctly, too. 

Bulls and Cows

For the mathematically inclined… One player writes down a secret 4-digit number. The other players take it in turns to guess it. Player one tells them how many they got right or wrong and how many were in their correct position. (Clue: it pays to write down each guess and how many were correct or incorrect and how many were in the right positions). By process of elimination someone will eventually work out the correct number. Good for anyone who has ever felt the pain of forgetting the combination to the padlock on the shed. And no, we’ve no idea why it’s called bulls and cows either.

Bananagrams

This is basically Scrabble but faster and with no board. Even more fun when camping and you have no access to a dictionary for anyone to check if you’re cheating or not. Buy Bananagrams. 

Find me on a Map

OK, we’ll admit we just made this one up but it’s great for when you’re in an area you don’t know well and want to know better. Get out the OS map. One person chooses a square and everyone takes it in turns to ask a question. Is there a church in your square? Is it close to water? Is it on a fold? You get the picture. The first person to get it goes first. Bonus points if you choose somewhere with a rude place name in. 

Ultimate Werewolf

Our favourite game of the moment, again in a very compact little cards-sized box. You need at least five players and are all given roles - as seers, witches, werewolves and more and you have to work out who the werewolf is amongst you. There’s an excellent app to make it more atmospheric but you can just play it with one of you as the ‘moderator’. Lots of fun and excellent for nights when there’s a storm howling outside your campervan. Buy Ultimate Werewolf. 

The After Eight Game

You will need a box of After Eights. Everyone sits around a table, tips their head back and places and After Eight on their forehead. The aim of the game is to move the After Eight down your face towards your mouth using only your facial muscles and gravity (no hands), and then eat it. Delightfully silly and immature and lots of fun. 

Pub Cricket

This is one for the way home in the car. You can play in teams or as individuals. Team one or person one goes in to bat. Every time you pass a pub you get a run for each leg in the name of the pub, so The Dog and Duck scores 6 (4 for the dog’s legs and 2 for the duck’s). The Coach and Horses would be 8, though you could probably argue for more horses based on the painting on the sign. You keep batting as long as every pub you pass has legs in. If you score no points (The King’s Arms, The Crown etc) you head back to the pavilion and someone else goes in to bat. You keep your score as it is for your next turn in to bat. 

If you’re inspired by the idea of living a campervan life, don’t miss the feature in our July issue about people who’ve adopted the campervan lifestyle in a more permanent way.

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Biography | The real Mad Hatter

Get to know one of Wonderland’s most loved characters a little better

With midsummer upon us, and London’s V&A Museum’s Curiouser and Curiouser exhibition newly opened, we took some time in our July issue to consider a few life lessons from Alice’s Adventures in Wonderland.
There’s sage advice in there for everyone, from always eating the cake, to not boring people about your cat, to (of course) staying curious.
In that spirit of curiosity, we decided to do a little digging into lesser-known aspects of Wonderland. So here, for your curiosity, is an introduction to the Real Mad Hatter.
Of course, the first thing to know is that Lewis Carroll never described him as the ‘Mad’ Hatter at all, only ‘Hatter’. But who was this mysterious millinered man?
Well, he was probably a chap called Theophilius Carter, who was also not a hatter but a purveyor of furniture with a shop at 48-49 High Street, Oxford and had possibly been at the same Oxford college as Carroll at the same time.
He was known as a local oddball who used to stand around outside his shop wearing a top hat at a rather rakish angle on the back of his head, and looking generally a bit unusual. It’s been asserted that John Tenniel, who illustrated the original Alice book, came to Oxford for the purpose of drawing him from life without his knowledge, though there’s no record of this being the case. Apparently, Tenniel’s illustrations are an uncanny likeness, however, of his rather obvious chin and juglandaceous face
Whether he was mad or not, is unclear but he was certainly an eccentric and also invented the ‘alarm clock bed’, a hare-brained contraption that would wake the sleeper by dropping him into a bath of cold water. Now, that would have successfully roused that sleeping dormouse. The alarm clock bed was shown at The Great Exhibition of 1851, apparently.
And, should you be interested in the answer to the Hatter’s riddle to Alice: “Why is a raven like a writing desk?“, the answer is that it isn’t; Carroll intended it as a bit of meaningless nonsense. However, several people have since suggested that the answer might be “Because Edgar Allen Poe wrote on both”. So now you know.

More from our July issue…

Ideas for a mad midsummer tea party…

Small folk | Fairy Encounters

Do you believe in fairies? The camera never lies…

Have you ever had a fairy encounter? Many people have believed they have over the years, including Arthur Conan Doyle who was famously a firm believer in the Cottingley Fairies, until the girls who took the fairy photos admitted their prank.

More recently, Manchester Met professor of Art Research, John Hyatt, made headlines when he apparently photographed fairies in Whitaker Park, Rossendale, in Lancashire. 

"I was just taking [photos of] sunset through the trees and when I enlarged the photographs later in the studio, I saw these figures," he told the Manchester Evening News back in 2014. "They are not doctored apart from I increased the size of a detailed section of a larger photograph along with the DPI to stop them being just large pixels -- normal size enhancement techniques."

Some swore the tiny creatures with long legs were indeed fairy folk, while others, such as Erica McAlister, an expert in ‘small flying things’ from The Natural History Museum, was more circumspect, albeit in a rather charming way: “My first impression is that they can’t be fairies because there is no wand. But that’s like saying mosquitoes aren’t flies because they don’t look like ordinary house flies. So I had to approach this more taxonomically. Hmmm… maybe they are not fairies at all but rather insects. Small swarming winged insects. Small swarming midges such as chironomids.”

Hyatt replied that “People can decide for themselves what they are. The message to people is to approach them with an open mind," he said. “I think it’s one of those situations where you need to believe to see. A lot of people who have seen them say they have brought a little bit of magic into their lives and there’s not enough of that around.”

We think we can all agree with that. But maybe put that fly swat down… it might be a fairy!

You can see the Rossendale fairies/flies on the Natural History Museum’s website, where McAlister gives her full report on them. 

If you’re planning a magical midsummer for this week, don’t miss our feature on days out in search of fairies, mermaids and more small folk in our June issue, in shops now.

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More from our June issue…

More fascinating folklore…

Quiz | What's in my pocket?

It’s quiz time! Can you match the fictional character to the contents of their pocket?

We’ve made a list of items found in the pockets of people from the literary world. Can you guess which item was kept in which person’s pocket? Scroll down for the answers.

The unnamed 7-year-old narrator of The Witches (Roald Dahl)

Mr Pepperpot in the Mrs Pepperpot series (Alf Prøysen)

Sherlock Holmes in A Study in Scarlet (Arthur Conan Doyle)

Virgina Woolf

Bilbo Baggins in The Hobbit (JRR Tolkien)

Marian in Tess of the d’Urbervilles (Thomas Hardy)

William Brown in William Below Stairs (Richmal Crompton)

Hansel in Hansel and Gretel (The Brothers Grimm)

The Artful Dodger in Oliver Twist (Charles Dickens)

Harry in Harry Potter and the Philosopher’s Stone (JK Rowling)

Lennie in Of Mice and Men (John Steinbeck)

The soldier in The Tinder Box (Hans Christian Andersen)

Douglas Gold in the story Triangle at Rhodes from Murder in the Mews and Other Stories (Agatha Christie)

1 Gold coins

2 Breadcrumbs

3 Gin

4 The One Ring

5 Strophanthin

6 Stones, top, penknife, bits of putty, and other small objects… and a dying lizard

7 Silk handkerchiefs

8 Heavy stones and a heavy heart

9 A blood red stone

10 A dead mouse

11 Mrs Pepperpot

12 Two mice called William and Mary

13 A magnifying glass and a tape measure

In our April issue, we take a look at pockets and why it’s so important for women’s clothing to have them.

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Answers

1 Gold coins - The soldier in The Tinder Box (Hans Christian Andersen). 2 Breadcrumbs - Hansel in Hansel and Gretel (The Brothers Grimm).  3 Gin - Marian in Tess of the d’Urbervilles (Thomas Hardy). 4 The One Ring - Bilbo Baggins in The Hobbit (JRR Tolkien).  5 Strophanthin - Douglas Gold in the story Triangle at Rhodes from Murder in the Mews and Other Stories (Agatha Christie). 6 Stones, top, penknife, bits of putty, and other small objects… and a dying lizard - William Brown in William Below Stairs (Richmal Crompton). 7 Silk handkerchiefs - The Artful Dodger in Oliver Twist (Charles Dickens). 8 Heavy stones and a heavy heart - Virgina Woolf. 9 A blood red stone - Harry in Harry Potter and the Philosopher’s Stone (JK Rowling).  10 A dead mouse - Lennie in Of Mice and Men (John Steinbeck). 11 Mrs Pepperpot - Mr Pepperpot in the Mrs Pepperpot series (Alf Prøysen).  12 Two mice called William and Mary - The unnamed 7-year-old narrator of The Witches (Roald Dahl).  13 A magnifying glass and a tape measure - Sherlock Holmes in A Study in Scarlet (Arthur Conan Doyle)

More from our April issue…

More quizzes…

Why we love | ridiculous romantic novel titles

We know you should never judge a book by its cover but sometimes it is rather fun

In our April issue, we’ve been celebrating the romance novel in all its forms. From Austen heroes brooding in drawing rooms, to steamy scenes from more modern times, romance as a genre is something we can all relate to and something we love to love, even though we know it’s just a bit silly. So in honour of all that, we’ve collated eight of the more silly and very real titles of romance novels we encountered and have imagined how their plots might pan out. 

Mad, Bad and Dangerous in Plaid

Two kilt makers in the Highlands are driven to a turf war over ownership of a design. The last thing they expected was for love to blossom over a patent rights dispute. 

Beginner’s Guide to Rakes

When Susan gets her first allotment, she is confused by the range of garden and DIY tools on offer in her local Homebase. Fortunately, Roger is there to lend a hand. 

Aroused by Two Lions

A chance encounter while on a day trip to Whipsnade brings more than Elsa bargained for.

Emily’s Magical Bejewelled Codpiece

Tudor historian Emily discovers the costume department of the museum contains a secret door to the court of King Henry VIII and adventure awaits. 

Desert Prince, Defiant Virgin

Prince Ali has never left his village home on the edge of the desert and decides if he is to find love, he must take his search to further flung lands. Unfortunately, due to Richard Branson’s cuts, the flight is cancelled. 

Grace Before Meat

The Reverend John Alford is a regular at his village butcher. Then one day a new apprentice arrives in the form of beautiful Emily Bones, and love blossoms over the lamb shanks.

Romance Goes Tenting

A dark and rainy night, a young couple on their first holiday… a row over why on earth he didn’t book the caravan as she’d suggested. Things are going to get stormy before they get steamy. 

Apollo’s Seed

An unlikely romance blooms between Ted, who is putting in his annual Thompson and Morgan’s seed catalogue order, and Octavia, a young Greek woman, working at the call centre. 

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More from our April issue…

More literary inspiration…

March | a final thought

We’ve reached the end of our March ‘Balm’ issue. We hope you enjoyed reading it as much as we enjoyed making it.

Our April issue will be on shelves (and on your doormat too) if you order directly from us. In the meantime, we hope this gorgeous illustration by Amber Fossey cheers and comforts you a little.

More from our March issue…

Build your own | Kitchen Sink Drama

Take a pinch of righteous anger, a sprinkling of political disappointment and a good dollop of marital misery and you can make your very own Kitchen Sink Drama in minutes!

Life has been a little more gritty than usual for most of us recently, and we’ve all spent more time at the kitchen sink than we would in normal times. We’re thinking that before the predicted artistic revolution of ‘roaring 2020s’ arrives, we must surely be due a kitchen sink revival. 

With that in mind, we’ve decided to pen a short kitchen sink drama of our own, and we’d love you to join in the fun. Phone a friend of family member with a talent for writing (or just a tendency to the dramatic), choose six items from the following list and build your own kitchen sink drama. Start with a gritty location somewhere in Great Britain, decide on a scenario and build your story around your six items. We’ll take any messages from The Royal Court theatre while you’re busy. Go!

1. A north of England accent, Salford for preference

2. An angry young man, preferably wearing a grubby white vest, reading a left-wing tract aggressively

3. A secret but unwanted pregnancy

4. A difficult conversation about communism over the dinner table

5. A youthful and hot-headed idealist with a ‘jolly good sort’ name, such as Helen or Jo

6. An amiable but awkward lodger

7. The Sunday papers, strewn messily across the floor

8. An endless basket of ironing and a utilitarian-looking ironing board that’s seen some action

9. A cameo featuring a future Labour party MP*

10. A Raleigh bicycle, leaned rakishly against the set somewhere

If you love a kitchen sink but could have enough of the angry young men, turn to page 112 of our March issue, where we’ve gathered together some of the most covetable kitchen sinks we’ve seen in our My Place feature. The one above belongs to Aisling Kirwan @mylimestonehome. 

*It’s true. Hazel Blears did in fact appear as a street urchin in the 1961 film of Shelagh Delany’s A Taste of Honey. 

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More from our March issue…

More creative fun…

March | a could do list

We hope you might find something here you’d like to do (but no pressure)

At The Simple Things, we’re all about finding the small pleasures in life and making the most of them.. Every month, we put together a ‘could-do list’ (because we don’t believe in ‘to-do lists’) of things y ou might like to do, see or think about. Feel free to choose on or two, do them all (though probably not all at once) or just read and enjoy the idea of doing them. Sometimes just thinking about things you could do is the most fun of all.

Whatever you do, or don’t do, have a very happy March!

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More from our March issue…

More of our could-do lists…

February | a final thought

Taken from Be Wild Be Free by Amber Fossey (Harper Collins), artist and mental health expert who instagrams at @zeppelinmoon.

It’s been a slightly surreal few months, and we liked the way this illustration by Amber Fossey from our back cover gave us a bit of a new perspective on it all. Sometimes looking at something in a slightly upside-down way is all you need to gain a new view of the world.

We hope you enjoyed our February ‘Heart’ issue, and it gave you a bit of heart, and something of a lift during the last days of winter. Spring Proper is inches away now and our March issue is in shops from tomorrow or you can order it via our online shop.

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More from our February issue…

More wit and wisdom from our back cover…

How to | Dress Like a Steampunk

Fetch the dressing-up trunk; we’ve found a solid reason for grown-ups to get in on the fun

If you’ve ever been intrigued by Steampunk style, or simply passed someone on the street looking like they’ve wandered out of the 19th century, via a branch of Ann Summers and an RAF outfitters, and wondered what it was all about, here’s a brief explanation: Steampunk is a style, a lifestyle and a philosophy described as ‘a sub genre of science fiction and fantasy that incorporates technology and aesthetic design inspired by 19th century industrial steam powered machinery’. It’s a bit of a hybrid genre, however, and often also incorporates elements of the Gothic, Wild West and more. 

In more layman’s terms, it’s dressing up in fabulous costume, adding technological accessories and having a jolly nice time enjoying all the best aspects of Victoriana and indulging in some hearty afternoon teas, to boot. 

In our February issue, we meet some Steampunks, in our Modern Eccentrics series, but if you’re keen to get in on the Steampunky action before that (we know we were) there’s nothing to stop you gathering together a Steampunk dressing-up box at home. You could hold your own Steampunk afternoon tea knowing at least that no one is going to surprise you with a visit, or look forward to surprising the postman or supermarket delivery driver if you’re feeling almost ready to take your new look out to the world. 

Here’s a guide on how to dress like a Steampunk

1. Choose your theme. Your basic Steampunk look is Victorian with a steam-powered twist, but within that are various sub genres. Some of the popular looks are Gothic, military, aviator, adventurer, explorer and pirate (we told you it was all jolly good fun, didn’t we?) but you can choose your own and give your costume your own twist, related to your own career, hobbies or heritage. 

2. Source a top with a strong Victorian style, but a bit of glamour too. A corset is ideal. Clearly stepping out in just a corset would have given Queen Vic herself an attack of the vapours, but that’s the fun of Steampunk; it takes the bits of Victorian style that are fun and leaves the judgement back in the 1870s. A laced-up corset that would look at home in a bodice-ripper novel is ideal, but if you feel more comfortable in something a bit less risque, look for blouses with big sleeves, and anything wreathed in lace. 

3. Hunt out tiered and gathered skirts that show a little leg, or trousers with a lot of attitude. Leather is very much encouraged but skirts with multiple layers and lengths are also de rigeur. It can get a bit hot under all those layers and leather so skirts are often gathered higher at the front to let a little air in. 

4. Rediscover your waist with a cinch and add a bustle. Steampunk is all about the exaggerated silhouette. And while the cinch may slightly hinder your efforts at putting away cake and cucumber sandwiches, there’s plenty of room under that big skirt for seconds.

5. Boot up with something sturdy. Long leather boots are ideal but an old pair of DMs paired with fancy tights works equally well. ‘Hardy’ and ‘a fine turn of ankle’ are your watchwords.

6. Adorn your shoulders with a faux fur stole, or a bolero, or a nice tweed jacket... whatever you like. You will never be cold as a Steampunk, even standing in front of dark satanic mills in February, trying to get a good selfie. 

7. Here’s where it gets even more fun: add lots of cogs, gears and general ‘industrial’ paraphernalia. You can go mad with brass buttons that look like nuts and bolts, earrings and necklaces made of cogs and heavy chains to adorn your jacket. As long as you look like you might chug instead of breathe, you’ve done well.

8. Add some lace into the mix. Lace is a bit of a must for Steampunks; definitely essential for the Gothic style but frankly it looks just as good if you’re going for a pirate look. Even the most intrepid Steampunk aviator’s style is improved by the softening effect of a little lace at the neck. 

9. Pop some specs on; the tiny little round ones are best, but anything that gives you an air of Miss Marplesque curiosity is what you’re going for. You don’t even have to have them on your nose; simply perch on your head, pop in a top jacket pocket or wear them on a chain around your neck.

10. Accessorise with some time pieces: as many as you like. Clocks are a big part of the Steampunk look. You can go for a beautiful pocket watch pinned to your person, or just a nod to it with some tights or a tattoo that references the inner workings of clocks. Or go all out and drape them everywhere. You’re aiming for a look that is somewhere between legendary clock-wearing rapper Flavor Flav and The White Rabbit from Alice in Wonderland. 

11. Pin some medals on yourself. In Steampunk circles we are told many people wear crosses and stars to celebrate their victories. What victories these are, we aren’t certain. Perhaps getting into those corsets or lacing up those boots? Who knows. Either way, if you’ve ever yearned to be decorated, now’s your chance: make free with the medals, get sewing them on your jacket and feel heroic. 

12. Invest in a pair of flying goggles. We wouldn’t say they’re a <must> for a Steampunk but they do help in adding that ‘adventurey’ look you want and they’re just the best bit. Being a Steampunk without goggles is a bit like going to a fancy dress party as Dracula without the teeth. They’re historically significant due to the Victorian need for cinder goggles when riding on the newly expanded railways and later for driving, with the advent of the motor car. And stylistically, well, a Steampunk might need them for any eventuality: to throw on when jumping in the cockpit of one’s bi-plane, for protecting one’s eyes during a pirate battle or in a mad scientist’s laboratory, or simply as protection against generic ‘industrial steam’. One can never be too careful. Also, they look really, really cool. 

13. Get an airship. Because why wouldn’t you want an airship?

Meet some Steampunks in our February issue, out now.

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January | a final thought

We’ve reached the end of our January ‘Snug’ issue. Our February issue is in shops from tomorrow or you can order it via our online shop.

We hope you enjoyed feeling ‘snug’ with us. Here’s the illustration from our back cover, which made us all feel pretty snug, too.

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How to | do a jigsaw properly

With a little forethought and planning you can puzzle to perfection without going to pieces

Just because Christmas is a time for fun a frivolity, doesn’t mean we can’t do the fun and frivolity properly. We like to start jigsaw puzzles with the same enthusiasm and commitment with which we would undertake any Very Important Way of Passing An Otherwise Deliciously Empty Afternoon. Here’s how.

Do your jigsaw prep

Clear an area so that you can spread out all your pieces and will have enough room to do the puzzle, too. The dimensions are usually on the box. A proper jigsaw roll is a real boon if you can’t dedicate the space to a puzzle for a whole day (or week). But otherwise, a large, hard surface like a dining table or even a big board you can push under the sofa between jigsaw sessions will do the job just as well. A smooth surface that you can sift the pieces across easily is best. 
Ensure no crawling babies, pets or other potential hazards are nearby. 
Get yourself a big mug of tea and make sure you have plenty more in the house to fuel you through your puzzling. Get a couple of biscuits, too.
Actually, scratch that, get the whole tin. You don’t want to be wasting precious time going back and forth to the kitchen. Also very much acceptable is a large tin of Quality Street or the like. 

Spend time sorting the pieces

Yes, it’s the most boring bit and it’s tempting to just dive right in, but time spent ‘zoning’ the pieces now will make putting it together much easier. Tip out the pieces and then turn the all face up, ‘zoning’ them into areas of the picture as you go. If your picture contains two similar areas, like two separate parts of sky, zone all those pieces together for now and you might be able to separate them by tone later. With very large puzzles, of more than 250 pieces, it’s best to get little pots (kitchen Tupperware is good) and have separate pots for all the different zones. While zoning, separate out any edge pieces. If you’re doing a rectangular or square puzzle, put the four corners somewhere safe. 

Do the edges first

Some people will tell you that starting with a zone of the puzzle you find easy to do somewhere in the middle is just as good. Those people are wrong. And we all know that the middle is the most fun to do and should therefore be saved until last. Complete your whole edge first. Your future self (in about an hour) will thank you. 

Take a tea break

You need to stretch your eyes a bit and what better excuse than a wander out to the garden while the kettle is boiling? Semi-pro puzzlers will do a few lunges too, to get the blood circulating and plenty of oxygen to the brain. The rest of us use the time to ensure the biscuit tin doesn’t need restocking. 

Get in the zone

Once you have your frame edges, choose a zone you fancy working on. A zone that borders a large expanse, such as sky or water, is a good place to start as it gives you a jumping off point for that. Once you’ve completed that ‘zone’, pick another, preferably one next to it, so you’ve got somewhere to start from. 

Fill in the gaps

Once you’ve done all the main zones, you should be able to join them up and fill in any bits you couldn’t find a home for between them and around the edges. 

Exhibit your finished puzzle and accept accolades from family and friends

Some jigsaw puzzles today are so genuinely lovely they need framing. You can even buy ‘no frame frames' where you simply stick the jigsaw to a backing before hanging it on the wall. 
You may like to have a grand unveiling over a tipple or two in the room where your puzzle is on display. We don’t think this would be de trop at all though your family might. And if you’re having a small Christmas and therefore have a small audience, we’d say you’re completely justified in sharing your puzzle heavily on social media. If you have to put up with photos of people’s pets, kids and lunches all year, your friends owe you. 

Turn to page 42 of our December issue to read more about the joy of jigsaw puzzles. and some of the best in the shops now. And while you’re waiting for yours to arrive, we’ve made a few online puzzles you can do right now here.

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Science | decorate a Christmas tree using maths

Is decorating a tree best done using science or plain good sense? Pick a method below and give it a go

Some people’s trees always just look stunning, don’t they? Don’t get us wrong, we’re big fans of a wonky tree ourselves, but we do sometimes wonder what their secret is. So we’ve done a bit of analysis to discover whether a Christmas tree is best decorated using hard science (or some tricky maths at least) or a good dollop of Simple Things style common sense.  Do give one a go and let us know how you got on.

Decorating a tree using mathematics

How much tinsel is too much? What quantity of baubles is enough? And is that angel too much? Take a deep breath. Maths students at Sheffield University Maths Society (SUMS - ho ho ho) have got all the answers. And they’ve shown their workings, too. 

Using 'treegonometry' they have calculated that a 152cm (5ft) Christmas tree would require 31 baubles, 776cm of tinsel and 478cm of lights with a 15cm star or angel on the top.

Length of tinsel = 13 x 𝛑/8 x (tree height in cm)

Number of baubles = √17/20 x (tree height in cm)

Height of star in cm =  Tree height in cm ÷ 10

If you’re no Pythagorus you can find a calculator here courtesy of Sheffield University to do the above sums for you. Just enter the height of your tree. 

Decorating a tree using common sense

Wondering whether a mono-colour tree would look stylish or ‘cold’? Or whether you need to put every last trinket on (even the ones the children made years ago and looked awful before they were stuck in the attic for a decade)? Fear not. We’ve got it all worked out, and not a sum in sight. 

Which baubles to put where? Easy. Breakables at the bottom so they have less far to fall, along with larger baubles. Work upwards in size order so you have the more delicate ones at the top and they won’t pull the more spindly branches down. For edibles such as chocolates, gingerbread biscuits and the like, take the height of your dog/child, triple it, and hang only above that height. 

How to design a colour scheme. Look at everything you have. Do you have basically one or two colours? If yes, decorate using only those. If no, mix it all up and go for a ‘lived in’ look.

In a knot with your lights? First make sure your tree is within reach of a plug socket. Pull the tree out to wrap the lights around it and push it back to the wall or corner afterwards to make putting the lights around it easier. Keep the lights rolled, unravelling only as you go. For a more professional look, start in the middle of the tree and take the lights out to the end of one branch and back to the middle, continue in the same way around the branches of the tree until you get high up enough that they can just be draped around. 

How to hide ‘homemade but horrible’ decorations. Put them round the back. Or if your tree is in a window, bury them in the bottom third round the side of the tree. 

Star or angel? Both, of course! It’s Christmas - you can’t have too many trinkets!

The very beautiful tree pictured above was decorated by Caroline Rowland, who has enough style running through her veins to be able to eschew both common sense and science. It’s just one of the trees we featured in our My Place feature starting on page 124.

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Seven of our favourite card games

Join our card school and learn to play a few traditional games

When the evenings draw in and there’s a chill in the air, it’s the ideal time to dust off a pack of cards and cosy up for the evening. Whether you’re a green visors and whiskies card shark or more of a cup of tea and a quick hand of rummy before bed type, we hope you enjoy learning some of our favourite games.

Black Jack (Brit style)*

BASICS: 4-6 players; 52-card deck. Each player gets seven cards. Remaining cards are placed face down as stock with top card turned over as the starter. First player lays a card on the starter, which must match in either suit or rank, or draws a card from stock. The player continues laying cards in sequence until they can’t go or they lay an action card.

ACTION CARDS:
Two: next player picks up two cards, unless they can play a Two and make the next player pick up four.

Eight: next player misses turn.

Black Jack: next player picks up five cards. A second Black Jack makes the next player pick up ten. Red Jack cancels.

Queen: follow with a card of any suit.

King: reverses play order.

The first person to shed all their cards wins. However, when a player can win on their next go, they must call ‘last cards’ or have to draw a card.

*It’s different to the US gambling game ‘Blackjack’.

Eights

A game best played with two people, also known as Crazy Eights or Swedish Rummy

BASICS: 2–7 players; 52-card deck

Each player receives 5 cards (with two players, each receives 7 cards). Remaining cards are placed face down as the stock, with top card turned up as the starter. First player lays one card on the starter, which must match in either suit or rank. If unable to do this, the player must draw a card from the stock. When the stock is exhausted, a player unable to play must pass.

Eights are wild and can be played on any card, regardless of its suit or rank, with the player specifying its suit. Play ends when any player lays his last card. He scores the total of cards remaining in all other hands: Eights score

50, aces 1, face cards 10, the index value for all others. With two players, the first to reach 100 points wins.

Knockout whist

The classic family favourite. Sniggering at the word ‘trumps’ never gets old.

BASICS: 2–7 players; 52 card deck; Ace is high

Seven cards are dealt to each player. The next card is turned up and becomes the trump suit. The player to the left of the dealer places the first card. Each player must follow the suit led, if possible. If not, play any other card, including a trump card. The highest trump wins the trick or, if no trumps are played, the highest card of the suit led. The winner leads the next trick.

Once all cards are played, players without any tricks are eliminated. The player with the most tricks picks trumps for the next hand; if two people have the same amount of tricks, cut cards to decide. The number of cards dealt decreases by one each hand, until only one player – the ultimate winner – remains.

Ninety-Nine

BASICS: 2 or more players; 52-card deck; you’ll need chips or counters.

Each player is given three counters and dealt three cards.

To play, place one card face up in the centre of the table, calling out the total value of the face-up pile before drawing the top card from the stock. Each card adds its face value in points. Jacks and Queens count as 10.

The following cards have additional effects:

3: skips next player

4: no value, reverses play

9: value of 99

10: adds or subtracts ten from the total

King: no value

Ace: value of one or 11.

If the player cannot place a card without taking the value of the pile over 99, the round ends and they lose one counter.

The winner is the last person left with counters.

Oh Hell!

A trick-taking game, beloved by Bill Clinton and Steven Spielberg, in which the object is to take exactly the number of tricks bid

BASICS: 3-7 players; 52 card deck; Ace is high

Each player is dealt a hand. There are many variations but typically, with

3–5 players, 10 cards each; 6 players, 8 cards each; 7 players, 7 cards each.

Each successive hand is played with one card fewer. After dealing, the next card is turned up and becomes the trump suit. Each player now bids for the number of tricks he thinks he can win. The player to the left of the dealer starts. Each player must follow the suit led, if possible. If not, play any other card, including trump. The highest card of the led suit wins the trick unless ruffed, when the highest trump wins. A player who wins the exact number of tricks bid scores 10 plus the number of tricks bid.

Klondike Solitaire

BASICS: 1–4 players; 52-card deck

One of the most popular versions of Solitaire, Klondike is typically a solo game, but it can be played as a group activity where everyone works together to solve the same shuffle. Players sort cards into foundation piles from Ace to King by suit, while organizing cards into descending order with alternating colors in the tableau.

Klondike is perfect for those looking to relax or sharpen their strategic thinking, either individually or as a team. You can try Klondike Solitaire here and even compete to see who can solve it fastest.

Red Dog

Beat the top card of the pack by having a higher ranking card of the same suit.

Basics: 2–10 players; 52-card deck; Ace is high; you’ll need chips or counters.

Five cards dealt to each player face down (four if more than eight play). Players put up one or any number of agreed chips to make the pool. First player can bet one chip or up to the number in the pool (‘betting the pot’). The dealer turns the top card of the pack. If the player can show a higher card in the same suit he wins back his bet and the pool. If he can’t he adds his chips to the pool, discards his hand and it’s the next player’s go. You can forfeit a hand by adding a chip to the pot and discarding your cards. When there are no chips in the pot, each player adds more and play continues.

More fun and games…

More ways to stay cosy at home…

Halloween | Simple spells

It’s Halloween. Why not try a little magic?*

• When you’re in the shower, visualise the water removing any anxieties and worries from the day before.

• If you’re feeling unwell, make a soup and while stirring it chant, “Cold, flu and ills be gone, healthy body from now on.”

• Make a love oil. Blend 5 drops each of rose and lavender oil and 120ml carrier oil. Shake the jar and focus on the intent of the oil (to bring love or friendship, say).

• Be a positive force. Help others, act with love, cut the gossip and try not to judge.

*Adapted from The Good Witch's Guide by Shawn Robbins and Charity Bedell (Sterling)

More Halloween activities…

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From our November issue…