How to | Sleep on a Sofa

Scene of sleepovers, telly fests and sloth – make sofa-sleeping more comfortable this
New Year’s Eve, whether you’re a guest or a host

At some point in all our lives, due to a unfortunate domestic squabble or the arrival of unexpected guests perhaps, we will find ourselves sleeping downstairs on the sofa*. This could mean a night of cramped discomfort and a face pressed against the button-back upholstery. 

Here are a few ways to help avoid potential insomnia:
1. Take as much bedding as possible – preferably a duvet, but a pillow at the very least. Scatter-cushions, a forearm or a bunched-up coat simply won’t do.
2. Remove the back cushions. This creates a surprising amount of room.
3. Lay a sheet on the sofa first, especially if you are on a leather or pleather sofa. Otherwise you will have to be unpeeled in the morning. 
4. Ensure any pets are in another room. There is no room on a sofa for unwanted marauders. 
5. If the TV is nearby, enjoy a spot of supine late-night viewing – one of the very few perks of sofa surfing.

* An average sofa will have been used as a bed for up to 489 visitors in its lifetime.

 This blog was originally published in December 2014.

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Nest | Soak in a spruce needle bath

Don’t throw away your Christmas tree clippings just yet. Spruce needles are an invigorating natural remedy, great for clearing the head. If you feel a cold coming on or are simply exhausted, have a bath with this spruce tree essence and let the scent of a forest work its magic

You will need:

3 fresh twigs from a spruce tree, washed
1 litre water

1 Cut the spruce twigs into small pieces, place them in a saucepan and add the water. Bring to the boil, reduce the heat to low and simmer for 10 minutes.
2 Now remove the pan from the heat, cover with a cloth, and let the solution of twigs infuse for another 10 minutes while you run your bath.
3 Strain and add the solution to your bath. Relax in the bath for 20 minutes, breathing in deeply and taking in all the wonderful forest scents.
4 Go to bed immediately and rest!

From Vinegar Socks, Traditional Home Remedies for Modern Living by Karin Berndl and Nici Hofer. This blog was first published in the January 2018 issue of The Simple Things.

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Make | A Seasonal Tonic

Make a batch of these immune-boosting shots to prevent a cold from ruining your Christmas

Opt for fresh, organic produce to maximise benefits – and if one ingredient is unavailable, just double up one of the others.

Makes 6 x 50ml shots
2 tbsp chopped garlic
2 tbsp chopped onion
2 tbsp grated fresh ginger
2 tbsp grated horseradish root
2 tbsp chopped cayenne pepper (or any other chilli)
350ml raw apple cider vinegar

1 Pile the garlic, onion, ginger, horseradish and pepper into a 350ml lidded sterilised jar. (To sterilise, wash it in hot soapy water, dry with a clean cloth, then place in a 200C/Fan 180C/ 400F oven for 10 mins.)
Fill the jar with raw apple cider vinegar, close the lid tightly and shake.
2 Store in a cool, dark place, shaking at least once a day for two weeks.
3 Filter the tonic through a clean piece of muslin, pour into a sterilised bottle. Take a 50ml shot three times a day (on an empty stomach) as soon as you feel the symptoms of a cold. It will keep at room temperature for up to six months.

Recipe from Tonics & Teas by Rachel de Thample (Kyle Books).

This blog was originally published in the December 2017 issue of The Simple Things.

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Traditions | The emergency present drawer

Kate Pettier explains the art of the emergency present drawer.

Tag-along cousins, pop-up neighbours – surprise guests over the holiday season are as inevitable as leftovers on Boxing Day. And leftovers, in the gift department, are exactly what you need. Not having bought someone a gift is one of those faux-pas that’s hard to laugh off. Emergency present drawer to the rescue!

In essence, it’s a stash of borderline impersonal gifts ready for dispatch. My mum’s was kept in a box in the under-stairs cupboard: gift-wrapped Elizabeth Shaw Mint Crisps, Yardley powder puffs and multipack men’s hankies were its staples. As a child, how I hoped there’d be unclaimed Orange Matchmakers...

The gifts may have changed, but for my own spare-present haul, I stick to Mum’s principle that it’s the thought that counts. Emergency gifts are less a display of wealth, more a social polyfilla with which we smooth over the awkwardness of someone having been overlooked by Santa. Notelets, scented candles, V&A hankies, truffles and gift-set toiletries wait in the wings to be given away at the last minute. And of course, ever the optimist, I leave the Orange Matchmakers till last.

This blog was first published in the December 2014 issue of The Simple Things.

CLOCKWISE FROM TOP LEFT:

1. Soy scented candles from Anthropologie, £14
2. Liberty print handkerchiefs, £5.95
3. Belleville Bakery body wash and body Lotion, & Other Stories, £14
4. Matchmakers, widely available, around £2.50
5. Letterpress pencil correspondence cards, Meticulous Ink, £20
6. Black Forest gateau truffles, Prestat, £12

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Recipe | A Christmas Eve spiced ale

This is a wassailing style drink for the season. Wassail, from Middle English wæs hæl, means ‘good health’. This hearty festive drink would be a welcome sight at parties and a warming companion while you wrestle the wrapping

This is a dry drink that works well with Guinness or stout as well as ale. This recipe makes enough for a gathering but you can alter it to just make enough for you and a friend or loved one to enjoy while you wrap the presents on Christmas Eve. Because is it even Christmas Eve if you haven’t become slightly tipsy, lost the scissors and called the Sellotape a rude name?

Serves 8–12
Handful of sultanas
150ml marsala, sherry, brandy or rum
100ml ginger cordial or 125g caster sugar
Pinch of grated nutmeg, ginger and cinnamon
2 litres ale, porter, stout or other dark ale
Ice, optional
Punchbowl and cups or glasses

1 Put the sultanas in the punchbowl, add the measured marsala (or alternative), plus the cordial or sugar, and the spices. Leave to macerate.
2 When ready to serve, add ice (if preferred) and the ale. Stir and serve in the cups.

Recipes and images taken from Artisan Drinks by Lindy Wildsmith, photography by Kevin Summers (Jacqui Small, £25). This blog was first published in the December 2014 issue of The Simple Things.

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Playlist | Christmas moments

DJ: Frances Ambler
Image: Adobe Stock

Introducing our December playlist. You can have a listen to it here. Pop it on while you write your cards, unwrap your pressies or just take a moment.
Our December issue celebrates all things calm, all things bright. It’s in the shops from 19 November.
You can have a browse of all our playlists here.

How to | Make a Could-Do List Happen

Apparently only one in ten of us sticks to our New Year’s Resolutions, although here at The Simple Things, we favour Could-Do Lists rather than strict rules and ideas that work at any time of year, rather than piling the pressure on all on one day.

These tips will improve your odds of making your could-do list happen… whenever you choose to do so…

1 Resolve to make a change that you want. Success is more likely when driven by internal, rather than external forces.
2 Focus on one thing. Scientists have shown that willpower requires energy. Channel it well.
3 Be specific about what you want to achieve, when and how. You’re more likely to succeed than if starting with a vague plan.
4 Tell those around you. In a study, more than 70% who sent weekly updates on their goal to a friend reported success (compared to 35% of those striving alone).
 

And here are a few ideas for things you might want to add to your 2025 Could-Do List…

• Mix a great martini 

• Book a trip somewhere on your bucket list

• Read a book by an author you’re unfamiliar with

• Spend a day wildlife-watching… birds, badgers.. it’s up to you

• Have a small party for no reason at all

• Spend time outdoors every day

• Learn a new craft

• Get a penfriend or strike up a correspondence with an old friend

• Go on a ‘pilgrimage’ to somewhere meaningful for you

• Use local ingredients to make a local recipe

• Watch a film in the open air or at a drive-through

• Keep a diary for a month and keep the habit if you enjoy it

This blog was first published in December 2018. You’ll find a Could-Do list in every issue of The Simple Things. Buy this month's The Simple Things - buy, download or subscribe

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Nostalgia | Christmas Biscuit Tins

Look back with us on biscuits of yesteryear and win some pretty, festive tins, too!

The arrival of the Christmas Biscuit Tin (initial caps our own) heralded the start of the festive season for us. (That and the moment you noticed that your mum was stockpiling large boxes of Amaretti biscuits, or the massive tin of Quality Street got opened).

In The Simple Things’ office, each of us clearly recalled at least one Christmas Biscuits Tin of our childhood fondly: a tall, round affair that was decorated to look like a festive fairground carousel and was so heavily coveted by all the children of the family it had to be thrown away to avoid a mutiny over who could keep the empty tin; one with a Victorian Christmas family carolling in the snow that was an annual feature of a trip to a maiden aunt’s; another a tasteful National Trust shortbread tin that became the home for the family’s more delicate Christmas tree decorations. 

Each wove their way into a family tradition or memory. Some are still being pressed into service today. 

It didn’t much matter what was in your biscuits tin back then. It was the fact that they were ‘special’ that mattered. A cranberry shortbread or foil-wrapped mint chocolate cream was always welcome, don’t get us wrong, but even a workaday fig roll seemed a bit magic when it came out of the Christmas Biscuits Tin. Heck, you could pass off a pink wafer as exciting in December, and as we all know, they are nine parts air to one part biscuit. 

Now we’re (a bit more) grown-up, the biscuits themselves take on a much more significant role in the choosing of a Christmas Biscuits Tin. But if you’ve got a lovely tin lurking in the cupboard already there’s nothing nicer than making some yourself. 

Back in our December 2019 issue, in our feature Tins of Comfort and Joy, Louise Gorrod invited us to her annual festive biscuit exchange, with a few friends and a Christmas tipple. You can buy a back issue from our online store.

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Recipe | Roasted Brussels sprouts with nuts, lemon & pomegranate

The most traditional of side dishes gets a vibrant makeover

The best sprout dishes balance any bitterness in the leaves – in this case with tangy lemon and pomegranate and earthy, toasted hazelnuts.

Serves 8
1kg Brussels sprouts, halved
Olive oil
Zest and juice of 1 lemon
2 handfuls hazelnuts, toasted and roughly chopped
Seeds from 1 pomegranate

1 Preheat oven to 200C/Fan 180C/ 400F. Put the Brussels sprouts in a single layer in a roasting pan; toss with a couple of glugs of oil and season with salt and pepper. Roast in the oven until they soften and begin to turn a light golden brown – about 30 mins, but check and toss after 20.
2 Transfer the sprouts to a large bowl and toss through the lemon juice and zest. Scatter with the pomegranate seeds and hazelnuts. Season with salt, as needed, and serve.

Find more festive feasts in our December issue, which is on sale now.

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Christmas: Choosing the tree

If you have a real tree, choosing ‘the one’ and is always a bit of a Christmas milestone

It’s the same every year, but then that’s the point: selecting the tree is one of the Yuletide rituals that we inherit, faithfully re-enact, then pass on, safe in the knowledge that while all around us changes, Christmas is as it ever was.

No matter whether you’re after a spruce, pine or fir, digging it up yourself or buying it at the garden centre, there’s that special moment when you’ve got it untangled from its cobwebby wrapping, chopped the top off because it was too tall for the room, and positioned it in the stand, all ready for embellishment.

There you are, surrounded by boxes of baubles from the loft. You’ve tested the lights still work; now Christmas can begin. It’s time to make magic in the corner of your living room.

How to choose a real tree

David Ware is from Edible Culture, a ‘peat, pesticide and single-use-plasticfree’ nursery in Kent that specialises in loal Christmas trees. Here, he offers his best advice for choosing a real tree…

• Always ask if your tree is locally sourced; it will show your supplier that you care.

• Consider your type of tree. Firs are known for holding onto their needles, and their stronger smell.

• Generally, spruces require a little bit more attention in that they need more water. The blue spruce is a delightful exception to this rule and is known for keeping its needles. It gets its name from its beautiful blue-grey hue (an effect created by the wax on its needles).

• Ask for the tree to be removed from its net to check it’s well balanced.

• Try to find a bare-rooted tree (one taken from the ground while still growing, roots intact), then you can pot it up yourself in peat-free compost. Once home, put it in a bucket of water straightaway in a sheltered spot, before potting up.

• Bring your tree into the house as late as possible. We always wait until Christmas Eve.

• However your tree was supplied, to help it last longer keep the compost moist by standing the pot on a saucer of water and topping it up regularly.

• Place the tree away from radiators.

• Ask if your supplier offers recycling facilities. If not, find out if and when your local authority collects. Some councils run schemes that turn your tree into chippings, which you can then use as mulch.

We interviewed David Ware in issue 90 of The Simple Things. You can order back issues from our online store.

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From our December issue…

Recipe | Fruit and nut chocolate discs

These eye-catching chocolates work with any mix of nuts and dried fruit that takes your fancy. Just the thing with coffee after dinner, or parcelled up as a gift. If you’ve neglected to buy a present for someone you’re seen in the Betwixtmas period, a bag of these would certainly be very welcome - and they’re a great way to use up the mountain of Christmas chocolate, too.

Makes 12 discs
150g dark or milk chocolate
Handful of pistachio nuts, crushed (place in a bag and crush with a rolling pin)
12 pecans
12 yellow raisins
Handful of cranberries

1 Melt the chocolate in a pan, or in the microwave in a glass bowl – 30 seconds at a time, to avoid burning the chocolate.
2 Line a cupcake tin with cupcake cases. Add a teaspoon of melted chocolate to each case, swirl with the back of the spoon to spread evenly. Add a generous sprinkle of crushed pistachios to each. Place one pecan and yellow raisin per disc and 2–3 cranberries.
3 Place in the fridge to set; they should be ready in 15–20 mins. When ready to serve, remove the discs from the cases. 

This recipe was originally published in our December 2017 issue.

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Christmas | Why do we kiss under the mistletoe?

This is still a matter for Christmas debate – up there with what is the best/worst Quality Street.

Some link it to the Norse tale of the goddess of love, Frigge: mistletoe’s berries are said to be the tears she cried for her son; others say it’s a symbol of fertility, thanks to its seasonal rigour.

Either way, kissing under it seems to have started in the 18th century in Britain, reached mass popularity in the 19th and has provided fodder for sitcom and soap storylines for as long as there has been Christmas TV.

This blog was first published in the December 2017 issue of The Simple Things.

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Make | Festive Things on Strings

The best decorations are the ones you make sitting round the table over mince pies and hot chocolates with carols on in the background. Here are a few things you can fling on strings and then hang about the house looking pleasingly cheerful yet rustic…

1. Popcorn. It’s our go-to garland string item. Fun to make, delicious to eat as you decorate, and it looks so pretty wrapped around the tree, too. (For most effective results, hang the popcorn garlands in a spiral going from the top to the bottom of the tree, widening with each circuit as you go). You can find out exactly how to make popcorn garlands on page 11 of the December issue of The Simple Things. 

2. Cranberries. Plump, deep pink and so Christmassy, cranberries look stunning threaded onto cotton. For more natural garland inspiration, turn to our home tour in the December issue and read about Christmas Crafting Queen Holly Grundy’s Norfolk home. 

3. Dried orange slices. Dried in a dehydrator or a very low oven, slices of orange look like tiny stained glass window when threaded onto cotton and hung in the light. They smell absolutely delicious, too. 

4. Dried apple slices. If you core the apple before slicing you’ll have rings which look charming with lengths of ribbon threaded through the holes. Try tying a cinnamon stick in for every few apple slices you thread for a more textured and even more fragrant look. 

5. Bay leaves. For a simple, evergreen look, strings of bay leaves look wonderful. You probably need a bay tree to pull this off or you’ll need to invest in an awful lot of Schwartz jars. 

6. Chillis. Festive and fiesta-ish, fiery chillies look fun strung up in the kitchen. 

7. Pretzels and monkey nuts. This is a fun one as an edible decoration for a pre-Christmas drinks gathering. Be prepared to clear up lots of crumbs. 

8. Wine bottle corks. Start saving them up and simply thread onto cotton with a needle. Whether you’ll look like a lush or just like you know how to throw a great party, we wouldn’t like to comment.

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Photography by Rebecca Lewis

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Christmas | Clementine and sage posset

Posset is a beautiful creamy dessert that is ridiculously easy to make, and here its richness is tempered by the addition of the sage

This refreshing dessert will perk up a leftovers lunch for friends and use up and double cream and clementines left over from Christmas.

Serves 6
600ml double cream
200g caster sugar
8 sage leaves
Zest and juice of 3 clementines
3 peeled and sliced clementines, to serve

you will need
6 small glasses or ramekins

1 Heat the double cream, sugar and sage leaves together over a low heat, stirring until all of the sugar grains have dissolved. Bring to a gentle simmer for 1 min, then remove from the heat and fish out the sage leaves. 
2 Add the zest and juice to the cream mixture and stir well, then divide the mixture between the glasses. Leave to chill for several hours (you can make this a day before and keep it in the fridge).
3 Serve with the sliced clementines, topped with chopped sage and a little honey.

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From our December issue…

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Christmas crackers: How to wear a paper hat plus six awful cracker jokes

There is a moment at every Christmas lunch when the paper hat is unfolded from
a cracker and plonked on the head. These crown shaped hats are peculiarly British and are said to either date back to Roman Saturnalia celebrations, or Twelfth Night knees-ups as a nod to the king or queen, depending on which source you believe. Whatever their provenance, these hats that suit no one are best worn without self-consciousness and endured until the turkey arrives, when they can be ‘accidentally’ brushed off and swept under the table.

Six awful cracker jokes

How do you drain your sprouts at Christmas?
With an advent colander.

Who hides in a bakery at Christmas?
A mince spy.

What do vampires put on their turkey?
Gravey.

Why did the turkey decide to join the band?
Because it had drumsticks.

What's the best thing to put in a Christmas pudding?
Your teeth.

What did one snowman say to the other snowman?
Can you smell carrot?

You’re welcome.
 

More Christmas fun…

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Rituals | The Christmas Decs Box

It comes out each year, like an old friend. Here are a few ways to mark the return of the Christmas Decorations Box

Getting the box of decorations down from the attic is the moment Christmas truly arrives, isn’t it? Lifting back cardboard and pulling away bubble wrap to find familiar jewel coloured baubles nestled beneath feels a bit like coming home. And the moment when all the decorations go back in the box for another years often feels a bit poignant too, as the celebrations come to an end and life returns to normal once more. 

We think our Christmas Decs Boxes deserve a bit of reverence. So we’ve put together a few ideas for small rituals that will help make the putting up and the bringing down of the decs a bit more special, and a bit less of a chore. 

Putting up the decs rituals

1. Pick a festive tipple to be the drink you always have as you dress the tree and deck the halls. It can be as simple as a sherry if you want but you might like to pick something a bit unusual that’s particular to your household - have a look at The Simple Things blog and search ‘tipple’ for more ideas on festive cocktails you can make. It doesn’t have to be alcoholic though; try a non-alcoholic eggnog perhaps? Or a clementine mockjito maybe?  (Clementine juice muddled with sugar and lemon wedges, poured over ice and topped up with sparkling water.) Having a special ‘get the decs up’ tipple really makes it feel like the festivities are beginning. You can keep the recipe for your tipple in your decs box in case you need reminding. 

2. Keep a Decs Box guest book. Pop a little notebook in your box and each year, make a note of the date you put the decorations up, who was there to help and what you did. You could pop a photo in too if you like. As it grows each year, it will become a lovely little piece of family history. 

3. Make a playlist. There’s absolutely nothing wrong with a bit of Carols from Kings as you detangle the fairy lights, but if you make your own playlist on Spotify you can add to it whenever you come across a track you like. Doesn’t even have to be Christmassy; anything that gets you in the mood for throwing holly sprigs on top of picture frames. 

Taking down the decs rituals

1. Have an online Decs Down party. Get your wider family, or just a good friend you’re long overdue a natter with, on a video call, make a cuppa (or something stronger if you like) and catch up while you wind lights around cereal packets and carefully nestle baubles back in egg boxes. This idea is great if taking the decorations down always makes you feel maudlin. Once you’ve got everything packed up and had a lovely chat, get someone else to run the Hoover round and before you know it, everything is clean and sparkling and you’re already looking forward to a new year and new plans. 

2. Pop a copy of this year’s Radio Times, or a newspaper if you like, into the decs box as you close it. There’s something oddly fascinating about looking back and seeing what you watched on telly at Christmas 2008 somehow - like your own Blue Peter time capsule. 

3. Write to your future Christmas self. You can tell yourself anything - what you did this Christmas, any highlights and lowlights, what you’re hoping for in the coming year, and maybe even what your dreams are for this time next year. It makes interesting reading when you get the box down from the attic again next December. 

The picture above is one of our ‘simple things’ from our December issue. If you’re feeling inspired by the Christmas Decs Box rituals, you might also like to read our feature The Calm Before Christmas, starting on page 82, which has lots of ideas for an alternative advent full of kind and quiet rituals and habits.

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Staple foods 7 | Champagne

Only at this time of year would champagne qualify as a staple - but it is a time to eat, drink and be merry

Native to Northern France, only 60 miles east of Paris, champagne is a sparkling wine from the region of the same name, which is home to 319 wine-making villages and more than 15,000 wine growers.

Traditionally, it is made of a blend of white and red grapes – pinot noir, pinot meunier and chardonnay. While still wine is the result of fermentation, champagne’s bubbles, like most sparkling wines, are the product of a second fermentation through the addition of yeast and sugar. Since 1936 it’s been awarded an AOC (Appellation d’Origine Contrôlée) thanks to its unique terroir, with its northerly latitude, cool climate and chalky soils.

Other sparkling wines are available round the world, from Spain’s cava and Italy’s prosecco to Germany’s Deutscher sekt. And you can find increasingly good sparkling wines from England, Brazil, Australia and South Africa. But a bottle of champagne is popped around the world every two seconds.

This feature was originally published in our December 2017 issue, but there’s always time for champagne. We hope whatever you’re drinking this evening, it brings a little sparkle with it. A very happy and hopeful 2021 from all of us at The Simple Things.

From our December issue:

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The art of the Christmas CD

The Guardian's Music Editor has found a tuneful way to send seasonal greetings

'Weekends in November become a hell in our house. Our family, you see, does not send out Christmas cards. We distribute CDs of Christmas music, researched, compiled, burned and then packaged by me, over the course of two or three weekends. So I spend November poring over MP3 blogs and sorting through my CDs to find the perfect 30 or so songs. Our tradition began at the end of my first year editing the Guardian’s music coverage, in 2006. Deluged in festive albums, I thought I’d turn them into something more fun than a Christmas card. The recipients seem to think so, too – as years have passed, I’ve started getting requests, and now I have to make around 200 of them. That’s where November goes. There’s a policy: the music must be either good or interesting. And preferably little known. No Slade, no Wham!, no Top of the Pops staples – soul, funk and folk provide rich pickings. The harder you look, the better the snippets – I’m proud of the year I topped and tailed the CD with Christmas messages from Mae West and the long-forgotten metal band Quiet Riot. As I write, I’m just starting to think about this year’s compilation. And wondering where I might find the perfect song no one has ever heard before.'

Michael Hann tweets at @MichaelAHann
 

This was originally published in our December 2015 issue but we think it’s always worth listening to Michael Hann’s festive suggestions so we’re sharing it again. We hope you enjoy it.

Listen to Michael's Christmas playlist now.

A few of our Christmas playlists…

Recipe | Root Veg Peel Crisps with Truffle Oil

Veggie peelings are given a new lease of life, transformed into these crispy, crunchy snacks

Serves 2

2 large sweet potatoes
3 large beetroots
2 parsnips
1 garlic clove, grated
30ml truffle oil
A few sprigs of fresh rosemary (optional)

1 Preheat the oven to 180C/Fan160C/ Gas 4 and line a large baking sheet with baking parchment. Use a vegetable peeler to peel thin slivers of the veg and place in a bowl. Add the grated garlic, a few sprigs of rosemary, seasoning and the truffle oil. Mix with your hands and then transfer to the baking sheet, spreading it out as much as possible.

2 Cook for 25 mins, turning the peel over half way through. When the peel is crispy (but not burnt), remove from the oven, allow to cool, then transfer to a serving bowl. Garnish with a few sprigs of rosemary and extra salt and pepper, if needed.

We recommend serving these root veg peel crisps alongside a mulled gin. Both recipes are from our feature It’s Crispmas! by Catherine Frawley, which you can find in the December issue, along with several more crisps and drinks recipes.

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Science | decorate a Christmas tree using maths

Is decorating a tree best done using science or plain good sense? Pick a method below and give it a go

Some people’s trees always just look stunning, don’t they? Don’t get us wrong, we’re big fans of a wonky tree ourselves, but we do sometimes wonder what their secret is. So we’ve done a bit of analysis to discover whether a Christmas tree is best decorated using hard science (or some tricky maths at least) or a good dollop of Simple Things style common sense.  Do give one a go and let us know how you got on.

Decorating a tree using mathematics

How much tinsel is too much? What quantity of baubles is enough? And is that angel too much? Take a deep breath. Maths students at Sheffield University Maths Society (SUMS - ho ho ho) have got all the answers. And they’ve shown their workings, too. 

Using 'treegonometry' they have calculated that a 152cm (5ft) Christmas tree would require 31 baubles, 776cm of tinsel and 478cm of lights with a 15cm star or angel on the top.

Length of tinsel = 13 x 𝛑/8 x (tree height in cm)

Number of baubles = √17/20 x (tree height in cm)

Height of star in cm =  Tree height in cm ÷ 10

If you’re no Pythagorus you can find a calculator here courtesy of Sheffield University to do the above sums for you. Just enter the height of your tree. 

Decorating a tree using common sense

Wondering whether a mono-colour tree would look stylish or ‘cold’? Or whether you need to put every last trinket on (even the ones the children made years ago and looked awful before they were stuck in the attic for a decade)? Fear not. We’ve got it all worked out, and not a sum in sight. 

Which baubles to put where? Easy. Breakables at the bottom so they have less far to fall, along with larger baubles. Work upwards in size order so you have the more delicate ones at the top and they won’t pull the more spindly branches down. For edibles such as chocolates, gingerbread biscuits and the like, take the height of your dog/child, triple it, and hang only above that height. 

How to design a colour scheme. Look at everything you have. Do you have basically one or two colours? If yes, decorate using only those. If no, mix it all up and go for a ‘lived in’ look.

In a knot with your lights? First make sure your tree is within reach of a plug socket. Pull the tree out to wrap the lights around it and push it back to the wall or corner afterwards to make putting the lights around it easier. Keep the lights rolled, unravelling only as you go. For a more professional look, start in the middle of the tree and take the lights out to the end of one branch and back to the middle, continue in the same way around the branches of the tree until you get high up enough that they can just be draped around. 

How to hide ‘homemade but horrible’ decorations. Put them round the back. Or if your tree is in a window, bury them in the bottom third round the side of the tree. 

Star or angel? Both, of course! It’s Christmas - you can’t have too many trinkets!

The very beautiful tree pictured above was decorated by Caroline Rowland, who has enough style running through her veins to be able to eschew both common sense and science. It’s just one of the trees we featured in our My Place feature starting on page 124.

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More Christmas decoration ideas…

More from our December issue…