Nature | Pond-Dipping for Grown-ups

Illustration by Zuza Misko

No longer the preserve of primary school children, pond dipping is a simple and mindful pastime that is fascinating and fun. Here’s how to get started

You will need

A flat plastic tray (white is best for spotting pond life); a small net or sieve; a magnifying glass, a spoon. 

How to pond dip

1. Approach the pond slowly and quietly so you don’t scare off the wildlife. Lower the plastic tray into the water and fill it half full with pond water to put your ‘finds’ into. 

2. Using the sieve, scoop through the water nearish to the bottom of the pond and then quickly empty it into your plastic tray. Leave the tray of water to settle a bit.

3. Carefully and gently use the spoon to search through the water and weed for any wildlife. Use the magnifying glass for a closer look. You can photograph any interesting finds if you wish, and maybe sketch them later. 

4. If you have regular access to the pond you might like to start a notebook and date and log your finds along with any photos or sketches to allow you to track the pond’s wildlife across a year. 

5. Once you’ve finished, carefully lower the tray back into the water to let your finds go. Make sure nothing gets left behind in the tray.

What you might find

Water boatmen, leeches, water snails, diving beetles, dragonfly and damselfly nymphs, whirligig beetles, tadpoles, newts, toads, sticklebacks, backswimmers, pond skaters and much more… 

If you’d like to learn more about some of our native pondlife, don’t miss our Magical Creatures page this month, which is all about water boatmen.

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Learn | To Tell Moth Jokes

Longer evenings and lights on indoors mean we see a bit more of moths at this time of year. In case you meet a moth, here are a few of our favourite moth jokes to share with her

Why was the moth unpopular?

He kept picking holes in everything.

A man walks into a dentist’s surgery and says “Help! I think I’m a moth!”

The dentist replies "You shouldn't be here. You should be seeing a psychiatrist..."

The man replies, "I am seeing a psychiatrist."

The dentist asks, "Well, then what are you doing here?"

The man says, "Well, your light was on."

Why do moths like the light?

Because if they liked the dark, they’d be goths. 

Where do moths buy their suits?

Moth Bros.

What’s a moth’s favourite type of glasses?

Lamp shades.

What is the biggest moth called?

A mammoth.

Why did one moth kill the other moth?

He was a member of the mothia.

What did Mick Jagger do when he found moths in his wardrobe?

Nothing. A Rolling Stone gathers no moths. 

What do insects learn at school?

Mothematics.

A man in the cinema notices a moth sitting next to him. “Are you a moth?” he asks. “Yes,” replies the moth. “What are you doing at the cinema?” the man asks. “Well, I enjoyed the book,” says the moth. 

If you’d like to learn more about moths, you might like to read our Magical Creatures feature in our October issue. Buy this month's The Simple Things - buy, download or subscribe

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Magical Creatures | Weasels vs Stoats

How to tell a weasel from a stoat… because it’s a bit of a must(elid), actually

Weasels get a pretty bad press, don’t they? It’s the weasels we remember squatting in Toad Hall in The Wind in the Willows, eating all of Toad’s food, drinking his drink and generally carousing in a threatening manner. In fact, the Wild Wooders included many a mustelid in its number, including ferrets and - YES - stoats, but it’s always the weasels we remember. And weasels are portrayed no better in the Little Grey Rabbit books, where they peer through cracks in the walls of their criminal lair at passers-by. They don’t get a much fairer hand in etymology either, with all the connotations of weaselling one’s way out of something, or using ‘weasel words’ to dissemble. Cherchez the stoat, we say! Weasels can’t be the only wrong-uns of the mustelid family. 

Since it seems the horse has bolted in terms of weasels’ reputations, we thought the least we could do is ensure you can tell the difference between a weasel and a stoat, so there are no weaselly aspersions cast upon stoats and vice versa.

Size

The stoat is the bigger animal, though it’s a subtle difference. Stoats grow up to around 40cm, while weasels only tend to make it to 27-30cm. 

Gait

Stoats have a bounding movement and arch their back as they run, in rainbow-shaped arches. Weasels tend to shimmy along the ground more.

Coat

Both are brown but some stoats (particularly in Scotland) get a festive white coat in winter. 

Tail

The easiest way to tell a weasel from a stoat is to look at its tail. Stoats’ tails are quite long and have a black tip, like a paintbrush - think of all those black bits in ermine. Meanwhile, weasels’ tails are plain old brown and the shape is much stubbier. 

Habitat

You can find stoats and weasels throughout Britain, although in Ireland there are no weasels; only stoats. However, Irish stoats are known as weasels. Confused yet? Let us put it this way: if you’re in Ireland you are looking at a (British) stoat but you should address it as a weasel. Clear? 

Behaviour

Weasels are far more likely to break into stately homes and scoff all the comestibles and break everything. A stoat might be easily led into such bad behaviour but it’s unlikely he will ever be the instigator. If you have trouble with either stoats or weasels in your home, however, you should send in a badger, preferable brandishing a candlestick. 

The illustration above by Zuza Misko is from this month’s Magical Creatures page on the stoat. It’s in the January issue, which is on sale now. If you wish to, you can buy some of Zuza’s Magical Creatures prints from our online store.

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How to | Become a Dormouse Monitor

Here’s how you can do your bit to strengthen the dormouse population

Numbers of hazel dormice have dwindled dangerously in recent years but they’re still there, particularly in southern England and parts of Wales. They’re fascinating creatures, which you can read more about on our Magical Creatures page this month (page 33), and a joy if you manage to spot one, or even signs one has been about. 

The People’s Trust for endangered species has lots of information about dormouse monitoring on its website but here’s a bit about how to get started. 

Carry out a nut hunt

Dormice leave a distinctive hole in hazelnut shells. They eat them when they’re green straight from the tree but the empty shells later turn brown and fall to the ground and are a sure sign dormice are about. That information can help organisations like The PTES protect those dormice in the future by advising landowners and woodland managers on ways in which they can help look after the little fellers. 

It’s best done in Autumn when the shells start to fall but you can start looking for spots to monitor now, and the PTES have produced a really useful Dormouse Monitoring sheet you can print out on all you need to know but here are the basics so you can get thinking about it.

• First, identify some land with hazel (The PTES sheet has instructions on how to spot hazel), and make sure you have the permission of the landowner if needed. 

• Take a container with you and spend about 20 minutes gathering hazel nuts and shells beneath each tree, group of trees or section of hedgerow. 

• Once home, go through the nuts with a magnifying glass to identify any that may have been nibbled by dormice and set them aside. 

• You can then send them (or good quality photos of them) to the PTES along with your name and contact details and an Ordnance Survey grid reference for them to check. 

• Congratulations! You’re officially a dormouse monitor.

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Nature | Why Bats do Maternity Leave Best

A bit of female solidarity and a hygge attitude go a long way in the bat world

Cast aside all notions of vampires and haunted houses, bats on mat leave are all about getting cosy with their BFFs and looking after each other, and we’re just a little bit impressed by their initiative.

If you’ve ever sent a man out from under your feet because you just knew you’d get the job done quicker on your own, you might like to know that this is exactly what female bats do when it comes to giving birth. 

During pregnancy, a few bat ladies get together and form a maternity colony. A bit like an antenatal group, but with small flying insects to eat instead of cake, but about the same amount of sympathising about pregnancy aches and pains. Mostly these colonies are made up of fewer than ten bats, but they can be huge; Bracken Cave in Mexico has a maternity colony of around 15 million bats! 

Once a colony is formed, the bat babies (called pups) are born within a few weeks. (The male bats continue to stay out of things - we expect they’re at the pub, patting each other on the back for doing absolutely no hard work in all this at all). The female bats and young live together for the next few weeks to help each other out in the early days of parenthood. Bats usually only have one baby each, but they need to keep themselves warm in order to keep milk production going to feed their pups, so they all snuggle up together to benefit from each other’s warmth. 

After four or five weeks the bats begin to venture out to find solid food for their pups and slowly begin to fly the roost. Who ever said a woman needed a man about the house?

The Bat Conservation Trust has lots of advice on what to do if you think you have bats roosting in your property. They say that female bats in maternity colonies are particularly sensitive and will abandon their pups if disturbed so if you’re doing work in your loft or roof during summer time, it’s especially important to check for bats first. 

Bats are our ‘Magical Creature’ of the month in our October issue, so you can read more about them there. If you’ve ever admired the beautiful illustrations on our Magical Creatures series by Zuza Misko, you might like to know that you can buy them in our shop.

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Wildlife | make a hedgehog hotel

Reach out to a spiky friend and invite them to stay in your outdoor space

Having a hedgehog visiting your garden is pretty special. In our May Inspire issue (in shops and available to buy from our online shop now), our Magical Creatures slot celebrates the hedgehog. Turn to page 64 to read all about our favourite hedge-dwelling hogs.

At this time of year, hedgehogs are putting the finishing touches to their homes and getting ready for mating season. So what better time to build a hedgehog hotel? If you want to provide a dedicated boutique bolthole or a simple bothy for hedgehogs, hedgehogstreet.org has some good ideas, whatever your budget or DIY expertise. 

Self-catering hedgehog hostel

One of the best habitats you can provide is actually just to leave an area of your garden be. A compost or a wood pile that hasn’t been disturbed for a while is a favourite place for hedgehogs to lay their heads. And because insects will also make these areas their homes, your hedgehogs will never go hungry… there’s a full room service menu of grubs and bugs for them to choose from!

Simple hedgehog B&B

Use an upside-down crate or plastic storage box (add a few air holes) and cut an entrance into the front 13cm square. Cover the box with plastic sheeting and cover that with twigs and leaves. Finally, add a comfy bed (some pet straw or dry leaves). 

Five-star hedgehog hotel 

Using untreated wood, nail together a box. Leave the ‘roof’ loose so you can get in to clean it out when it’s uninhabited. Add batons underneath to lift it off the ground slightly and stop it getting too damp. Add a narrow tunnel at the front to prevent predators getting their noses in. You can find an easy to follow plan on the RSPB’s website. 

Whatever type of dwelling you go for, remember not to put food in it. Hedgehogs like their food a little way away from their beds. And it’s best to locate it at the boundary of your garden, within five metres of the house. If you also ensure that there are some gaps under your walls or fences, you’ll make it easier for hedgehogs to find you.

If you like the spiky little chap illustrated above by Zuza Misko, you might like to know that you can buy a print of him for £15 from our online shop. It’s one of four of our Magical Creatures that is available as a print.

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Romantic introverts | the newt

Why newts don’t do the dating scene

Newts are fascinating creatures and, if you’re lucky, now’s the time you might spot one in a pond, or hanging about among the weeds. In our April issue we have a feature in praise of the newt - we think they’re a bit magical. 

But, in their romantic lives, at least, they’re rather backward in coming forward. The smooth newt (the most common type of newt in Britain) is nocturnal, though not much of a party animal. During daylight hours they hide under stones or in compost heaps, which you wouldn’t think appeals to any newts of the opposite sex looking for love. But there it is. We can’t all be gregarious socialites. In fact, they hibernate between October and March so are out of circulation entirely for almost half the year. You’d think they’d relish the opportunity of some daylight during British Summer Time, really. 

But it’s at around this time that the males do start to show a little romantic interest. Being rather unpractised at enticing the fairer sex, they eschew boxes of Terry’s All Gold and bunches of carnations and go straight for the kill, wafting secretions from their glands towards lady newts to entice them their way. Paco Rabanne Pour Homme this stuff is not, unfortunately. 

Indeed, no one gets too close to anyone during smooth newt mating season. When Barry White and Candles Night arrives, the male newt simply drops off a packet of sperm near the female, which she collects at her leisure. Not even a peck on the cheek for her trouble. A week or so later, without further ceremony, she lays around 300 eggs on broad-leaved aquatic plants somewhere near her gaff. And that’s that. The romantic life of a smooth newt. Maybe if he were a bit more smooth he’d see a bit more romantic action. 

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Mythology | How the spider got eight legs

A little legend about one of our favourite creepy crawlies

There’s no doubt there’s something a bit special about spiders. In our October issue (in shops now), we are celebrating our eight-legged friends on our Magical Creatures page. But why did Mother Nature decide they needed quite so many legs? We suspect there’s a very scientific evolutionary answer, but we quite like this one...

The Greek myth of Arachne has several versions but Ovid told a slightly terrifying story about how the spider got eight legs.  

Arachne was a mortal woman, the daughter of a shepherd, and a top-notch weaver, but more than a little boastful regarding her skill. Foolishly, she began to boast that her weaving was better than that of the Goddess Athena, who overheard (as Gods are wont to) and popped to earth, disguised as an old lady to urge her to retract her claims in hopes the Gods would forgive her. 

Bumptious Arachne refused to say that her weaving was inferior to that of Athena’s and went one step further, in fact, saying that if Athena thought her weaving was so spectacular she should come to earth herself and join her in a weaving competition. Athena cast aside her old lady costume and they both began to weave. 

Athena’s weaving depicted contests between mortals and the Gods in which mortals were harshly punished for daring to set themselves against the Gods (an unsubtle hint of what was to come, but one Arachne chose to ignore). Arachne, meanwhile, ill-advisedly wove a picture showing the ways in which the Gods had abused mortals over the years. More inadvisedly still, her weaving turned out to be far superior than Athena’s.

Furious at both Arachne’s cheek and her talent, Athena struck her about the head three times and tore her work to pieces. Shamed and fearful, Arachne hanged herself.

Athena, who shows a frightening lack of moral compassion here, we must say, even for a Goddess, told her: "Live on then, and yet hang, condemned one, but, lest you are careless in future, this same condition is declared, in punishment, against your descendants, to the last generation!" She sprinkled her with some of Hecate’s poisonous herbs, at which point Arachne’s hair fell out, her nose fell off and her head and body shrank. Her talented weaver’s fingers stuck to her sides and became legs, which would spin thread from her belly for ever. 

The moral of the story? Keep your light under a bushel… unless you’re a Goddess with a bit of an anger problem. 

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Crabbing for grown-ups

Get your claws into this most summery of seaside activities

Summer time-wasting shouldn’t be the preserve of children. Rockpooling, building sandcastles and climbing trees are all noble pursuits that every adult should have the pleasure of indulging in, too. And there’s little more fun that grabbing a bucket and a line and going crabbing. Here’s how to do it properly.

Crabbing kit:

A bucket

A line (you can buy proprietary crabbing lines in most buckets-and-spades shops by the sea but any bit of string or line will do. You can add your own bag for putting bait in using an old washing tablet bag, washed out and something tied on for a weight). Never use a line with a hook on.

Some tasty crab bait. Bacon is good - they especially love the rind - or sardines

A net 

A lovely picnic lunch 

A friend (optional)

Where to go crabbing

Crabs like tidal waters and you need somewhere you can drop your line easily, such as a quayside. A nice spot where you can sit and dangle your legs over the harbour wall is always lovely. If you’re likely to get over-excited, look for a location with a waist-height wall that might prevent you enjoying a wild swim on the same day. 

Check locally that crabbing is allowed or ask the harbour master so you don’t irritate local fishermen.

How to crab well

1. Pop down to the water’s edge with your bucket and fill the bucket with sea water. Crabs do not like tap water.

2. Add a couple of big rocks and a bit of seaweed, if you can find it, to give the crabs a bit of shade and somewhere to hide while they’re in your bucket. Keep the bucket in shade while you have the crabs in there, too. 

3. Tie some bait onto your line or put it in the net bag. Large bacon lardons are crab favourites, particularly the rindy bits.

4. Drop your line into the water, sit down and make yourself comfortable. 

5. If you feel any tugging, very gently pull up your line. If you can see any crabs hanging on enjoying a snack, scoop your net underneath them so they don’t drop off and transfer them to your bucket.

6. Never have more than ten crabs in the bucket at the time - they get on each others’ nerves a bit. If any start fighting, put them back in at once. 

7. When you’ve got a few in there you can sit down and watch them scuttling around sideways, peering out at you and generally getting on with their crabby business. They’re fascinating crustaceany creatures. You can give them names, pick them up, either with one finger on the top of the shell and one on the bottom, or holding them either side of the shell, to have a good look at them, and get to know them a bit better, but obviously be gentle and don’t have them hanging about in your hands too long.

8. Try not to leave your crabs in the bucket longer than ten minutes. When it’s time to put them back always go down to the water’s edge. Throwing them over the quayside will stress them out and they could even be hurt. At the water’s edge, tip them out gently onto the sand or rocks and watch them scuttle back into the water. 

9. Change your water before dropping your line again to ensure there’s plenty of oxygen in it for your next catch.

Gone Crabbing is a shop in Burnham Deepdale, Norfolk, which has a useful crabbing guide on its website. you by Googling ‘where to go crabbing near me’. You’ll be surprised how many spots there are at your nearest stretch of coast or estuary. 

In our August issue, we are appreciating the crab in our regular Magical Creatures slot. Pick up a copy in shops now. And if all that crabbing has made you hungry, we have a delicious recipe for crab burgers in the same issue. Probably best to buy your crab meat locally. It seems rude to eat something you’ve shared a pleasant afternoon with. 

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How to: speak 'Rabbit'

Want to learn to understand these furry friends a little better? Twitch your nose twice for ‘yes’

Rabbits are creatures of few words, so, in honour of spring, we’ve put together this short guide to interpreting your pet rabbit’s innermost thoughts. The guide works for wild rabbits, too, but we’d be surprised if you got close enough to any wild rabbits to read their body language. Without further ado, here’s a guide to speaking rabbit, or ‘Leporid in Translation’, if you will…

Rabbit: Turns her back on you, or flicks her back legs towards you as she hops away.

English: I’m furious with you. What you’re seeing here is the rabbity hump. Be afraid.

Rabbit: Clicks her teeth.

English: I’m happy. What? You don’t click your teeth when you’re happy?

Rabbit: Grunts.

English: Leave me alone. I want some me-time.

Rabbit: Throws herself on her side.

English: I might look like I’ve fainted, in fact I’m just so chill I’m horizontal.

Rabbit: Pokes you with nose.

English: What does a girl have to do to get a nice stroke around here?

Rabbit: Ears flat back to head.

English: All is good in my world.  

Rabbit: Ears standing up straight.

English: I’m freaked out. Something here isn’t right. I’ve got a Mr MacGregorish feeling in my waters.

Rabbit: One ear back and one up straight.

English: I’m concerned something is amiss but I’m not sure. I’ll hedge my bets.

Rabbit: Binkies. (Does a little twisty jump in the air).

English: I’m so ecstatic, it’s like all my Carrotmases have come at once.

So now you know. If you want to read more about rabbits and why we think they are magical creatures, buy our April issue, in shops now.

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Five favourite fictional frogs

We take a look at some famous amphibious creatures

1. Jeremy Fisher

The daddy of fictional frogs - Beatrix Potter’s dear little amphibian who wore a read coat (a frog coat presumably) and had a near miss with a trout while catching minnows for a dinner party to which he’d invited his good chums Isaac Newton (a newt) and Mr Alderman Ptolemy Tortoise.

2. Kermit the frog

This muppet must be the most famous of all frogs worldwide. With his endearingly skinny legs and rubbery mouth, he lives a much more ‘Hollywood’ life than most of his fellow fictional frogs. But as he’s often said, it’s not easy being green. He uses his fame to good ends though. Here he is taking the ice bucket challenge [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Mmax3yEZX58] in 2014.

3. Frog from ‘Frog and Toad’

Arnold Lobel’s fictional friends, Frog and Toad, enjoy simple adventures together such as flying kites, cleaning their homes and providing short stories for early readers. Lobel’s daughter Adrianne has suggested that Frog and Toad were a little more than friends (now we’re wondering about Jeremy Fisher’s chums, too…) and were in fact the beginning of her father coming out. Lobel himself said they represented different parts of himself (the squatter brown part and the leaner green part, perhaps?)

4. The Frog Prince

The tale dates back to Roman times but the best known version is by The Brothers Grimm and tells the story of a princess whose ball is rescued from a well by a frog on the promise that he can be her constant companion. Against her better judgement she is forced by her father to hold good on her promise, but loses her temper with the frog and hurls him against a wall. Whereupon he turns into a prince and they live happily ever after. Note the lack of a kiss in this story; all that schmaltzy nonsense was added much later.

5. Oi Frog!

A recent entry but this is one frog sure to become a classic. The first in a series of rhyming books by Kes Grey and Jim Field features a bossy cat who tells Frog  he must sit on a log because frogs sit on logs. He can’t sit on a stool (mules sit on stools), he can’t sit on a sofa (gophers sit on sofas) and so on. Frog objects to sitting on a log (“They’re all knobbly and give you splinters in your bottom”) but Frog’s day gets worse when he asks what dogs sit on… (no spoilers here but it’s a heck of an ending).

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