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Illustration by Jenny Kroik

Fun | Lost Library Books

Iona Bower February 25, 2025

Ever felt the burning shame of the words “I’m afraid this is overdue so… there’s a fine unfortunately…” Feel instantly better with our countdown of some of the most overdue books in British history.

  • In at number five is The Adventures of Pinocchio by Carlo Collidi. Clearly the borrower learned nothing about lying well from reading the book, since he sheepishly returned it 63 years late to Rugby Library. Cleverly, he returned it during an eight-day amnesty on fines as it would have set him back more than £400 at a rate of 18p per day. 

  • Climbing the ladder of shame at number four is Stanley Timber by Rupert Hughes, which was borrowed from Dunfermline Central Library. Again, during a fines amnesty during the COVID pandemic, the daughter of the dastardly borrower posted it back to the library, 73 years overdue, avoiding the £2,847 fine. 

  • At number three, it’s our first school library crime. Edward Ewbank (stay behind after school please, Ewbank) borrowed The Poetry of Lord Byron from St Bees School in Cumbria  on 25 September 1911. It was returned 113 years overdue. Ewbank was sadly killed at the Battled of Ypres in 1916, so did not return the book himself, and avoided a detention. 

  • Just missing out on the top spot is The Microscope and its Revelations by Willian B Carpenter, which was borrowed by Arthur Boycott of Hereford Cathedral School at some point between 1886 and 1894. In Boycott’s defence, clearly he read the book carefully as he went on to become an eminent naturalist and pathologist. His granddaughter returned the book to the school some 122-130 years later. The school generously waived the fine of £7,446. 

  • And finally, at number one… a mysterious entry with no title, but known to be a German book about the Archbishop of Bremen, was borrowed by Robert Walpole from Sidney Sussex College’s library in Cambridge. It was discovered in the library of the Marquess of Cholmondley at Houghton Hall in Norfolk and returned to its rightful home between 287 and 288 years overdue. Despite not having a title of its own it is now the proud owner of the title Most Overdue Library Book in the Guinness Book of World Records. 

You can read a personal reflection on why we love a library by Frances Ambler in the February issue of The Simple Things.

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Reading | Books that Embrace the Cold

Iona Bower January 21, 2025

Photography by Joe McIntyre

There’s no time like January for hunkering down with a book but it’s not all about hiding inside from the winter weather. Here are a few of our suggestions for books that will help you to embrace the winter chill.

The Ice Palace by Tarjei Vessas

In a rural Norwegian community two young girls, Siss and Unn, meet and find they have a connection that neither of them fully understands. When Unn goes missing in the wintry landscape, Siss struggles with her disappearance. A wonderful, wintry story that should be a classic by rights. 

A Woman in the Polar Night by Christiane Ritter

A one-of-a-kind memoir from 1934, when the author accompanied her husband to the Arctic island of Spitzbergen for a year. At first she finds the cold and isolation tough but slowly she begins to fall in love with the wildlife and the wild landscape.

The Lion, The Witch and the Wardrobe by CS Lewis

A winter classic that you’re never too old to reread. Lose yourself in Narnia, condemned to an eternal winter by the White Witch, and its cast of enchanting characters. 

A Winter Book by Tove Jansson

A collection of beautifully crafted short stories by the Finnish creator of the Moomins. Spanning most of the twentieth century, this is a wonderful book to dip in and out of while the snow is falling outside.

The Turn of the Screw by Henry James

This Gothic novel opens with a storytelling session on Christmas Eve. The action then moves to follow the story of an unnamed governess, trying to protect her charges from evil supernatural beings in the house they share. Chills for chilly days. 

The Snow Child by Eowyn Ivey

Jack and Mabel are a childless couple living in 1920s Alaska. One day they build a child out of snow and a fairytale encounter begins…

Miss Smilla’s Feeling for Snow by Peter Hoeg

Set in Copenhagen, this novel follows in flashback Smilla’s relationship with a young boy called Isaiah who is part Greenlandic, as is she. During her own childhood in Greenland she developed an intuitive understanding of the various types of snow, which she used in her adult career as a scientist. Now, in the present day, it will help her to unravel a mystery surrounding Isaiah.

The Winter Ghosts by Kate Mosse

When Freddie’s car is forced off the road in a snowstorm he takes shelter in a tiny village on the edge of the Pyrenees, where he meets Fabrissa. They spend the night talking of love, loss and mourning but when day breaks… she vanishes. And that’s only the beginning of the mystery.

If you’re looking for more inspiration for winter reading, don’t miss our feature, Fireside Yarns, in our January issue, which is in shops now.

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In Think Tags winter reading, winter books, reading, books
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Playlist | A bit bookish

David Parker December 11, 2024

DJ: Frances Ambler
Image: Shutterstock

Introducing our January playlist…

To accompany our YARN issue, we’ve compiled a playlist of bookish pleasures. You can take a listen here.

Looking for something to read as you listen? We’ve compiled a selection of recommended reads in our latest issue, on sale in shops and supermarkets from 24 December. Or order yourself a copy through Pics and Ink.

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Photography by Alamy

Reading | Fenland Fiction

Iona Bower October 31, 2024

Mountains and rolling hills are inspiring but there’s something about a flat landscape that’s a bit special. Here are a few books that allow you to immerse yourself in the UK’s flat, low-lying areas and dream under big skies. 

Waterland by Graham Swift

Set in the Fens of eastern England, Waterland follows the story of Tom Crick but also spans 240 years of his family’s history. The flat countryside of the novel is almost the main character in this haunting, watery story. 

Fen by Daisy Johnson

Weird, wonderful and… flat, this collection of short stories takes inspiration from Graham Swift and lover of fairytales, Angela Carter, and celebrates myth, magic and eels. 

Coot Club by Arthur Ransome

Dick and Dorothea head to the Norfolk Broads to learn how to sail with Tom Dudgeon. But Tom has embroiled himself in trouble, having set adrift a motorcruiser moored among his beloved coots’ nests, and belonging to a bit of a rotter. 

The Wild Fens Murder Mystery Series by Jack Cartwright

Detective Inspector Freya Bloom has moved from her London post to a position in rural Lincolnshire, where she doesn’t always fit in with the locals, who are wilder than the fens themselves about Freya’s arrival. 

The Belton Estate by Anthony Trollope

Trollope was not a fan of the Fens but his portrayal of them in one of his lesser-known novels is still a joy to anyone who knows the area. When Belton himself walks to and from Denver Sluice, Trollope remarks drily that “a country walk less picturesque could hardly be found in England.”

Death of an Expert Witness by PD James

One for fans of Inspector Dalgliesh. When a girl’s body is found in a field the lab begins to investigate but soon one of their own is done away with too. Dalgliesh is called to the dark and gloomy Fens to solve the murders. 

Hereward the Wake by Charles Kingsley

The author of The Water Babies also wrote this historical novel based in the then very watery Fenlands, way before they were drained and became the flat lands they are now. This book looks back to a time when the marshes were sodden with myth and magic. If you thought The Water Babies was damp and a bit creepy… think again… 

The Nine Tailors by Dorothy L Sayers

This Lord Peter Wimsey novel is set in the Lincolnshire Fens and the plot revolves around bell ringing… and murder, of course. 

Fen Boy First by Edward Storey

Storey has written movingly about the Cambridgeshire fens where he grew up, largely in poetic form but this memoir is equally beautiful and very evocative of the magical, dramatic flat lands of England. 

Flatland by Edwin Abbot Abbot

Sadly you won’t find Flatland on a map but if you’re a fan of the flat you will love this satirical novella, set in the two-dimensional ‘Flatland’; a commentary on the hierarchy of Victorian culture. 

This blog was inspired by our Outing feature ‘Flat Out’ from our November issue, in which we discover the beauty of this country’s flat landscapes. 

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Pictured: The Bookshop, Hebden Bridge by Sarah Soltanowicz

The Best | Bookshops for Every Genre

Iona Bower April 9, 2024

Independent bookshops are always a joy but here we’ve rounded up some real specialists in their field. Whether your love is crime or cookery, there’s a bookshop somewhere dedicated to the genre…

Crime fiction

Murder & Mayhem, 5, Lion Street, Hay-on-Wye, Hereford

This bijou store in Britain’s bookshop capital specialises in the Golden Age of crime fiction as well as ghost stories, Sherlock Holmes and ‘cosy crime’. Don’t miss the chalk outline of a corpse on a floor or the amazingly detailed miniature reproduction of the shop itself in the window. 

Children’s books

Octavia’s, 24, Black Jack Street, Cirencester, Gloucestershire

Whether you’re shopping with children or simply ‘for’ children, a trip to Octavia’s is always a treat. Colourful interiors and comfy seats make it an oasis on this bustling high street, and staff are excellent at giving targeted recommendations. 

Travel Fiction

Daunt Books, Marylebone High Street, London

Inside this magical Edwardian building sit rows of books on polished oak galleried shelves. Its outstanding collection of travel books is arranged by country, which makes for a really pleasant afternoon’s browsing and the choice is unbeatable. Daunt now has several stores and even its own publishing arm but the MHS store is the first and the best. 

Gay and LGBT interest

Gay’s The Word, 66, Marchmont Street, London

Established in 1979, Gay’s the Word has always been much more than ‘just’ a gay bookshop; it’s a community and social hub where everyone is welcome with a thriving events programme as well as a beautifully curated selection of books. 

Natural History

Pemberley Books, 18, Bathurst Walk, Iver, Buckinghamshire

Books on every topic of natural history from agriculture to zoology, passing through everything from entomology to lepidoptera. Good antiquarian stock, also. 

Geography

Stanfords Books, London and Bristol

Stocking huge arrays of maps, atlases and globes since 1853. If you can find your way to one of the two branches of Stanfords you’ll be able to find your way to anywhere in the world. 

Poetry

The Poetry Bookshop, The Pavement, Lion Street, Hay-on-Wye

If poetry is what you’re after,

This airy shop is packed to the rafters

With shelves and shelves of poetry

‘Pon which they’re quite an authority. 

Cookery

Books for Cooks, 4, Blenheim Crescent, London

Cookery and food books from all over the world jostle for space in this amazing book store in Notting Hill, given over entirely to the art of cookery. Feel like you can almost smell the delicious dishes wafting off the page? That’ll be the test kitchen at the back where they try out the recipes they want to champion most. 

Science Fiction

Durdles Books, 51, Cole Bank Road, Birmingham

Specialising in Sci Fi and Fantasy - for both adults and children and incorporating both fiction and non-fiction, Durdles is a geek’s Aladdin’s cave of treasures. 


This bookshops round-up was inspired by our new series called My Living. The first feature in the series looks at people who run their own bookshops and it’s in the April issue, which is out now.

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Why We Love | Cosy Crime

Iona Bower January 16, 2024

When the outside world feels a bit bleak, there’s nothing like escaping into a cosy book and cosy crime is as comforting as it gets

4:50 From Paddington by Agatha Christie (HarperCollins) Crime wouldn’t necessarily be your immediate go-to for a comfort read. But, in their neat solutions to difficult problems, and where a sense of order is reached in a chaotic world, they offer an escape from the messy reality of life. For a gentle whodunit that still offers a satisfying brain tease, Agatha Christie is an excellent choice.

The ‘Miss Marple’ mysteries, featuring Christie’s famous sleuth, have a particularly cosy feel, and 4:50 From Paddington is one of the best. A friend of Miss Marple’s arrives for a visit in a terrible state: on her train from Paddington, she witnessed a woman being strangled in a passing train (this may not sound that comforting, but keep reading!). As no corpse is discovered, the police refuse to investigate, but Miss Marple believes that a crime has been committed. Feeling her age, she asks for help from the young, intelligent Lucy Eyelesbarrow, who wrangles a job as housekeeper at a large country house in the area.

Through their alliance, Miss Marple and Lucy uncover surprising secrets, and arrive at the truth of what happened on that fateful train journey in a particularly satisfying ending.

IF YOU LIKE THIS YOU COULD ALSO TRY: The Unexpected Inheritance Of Inspector Chopra by Vaseem Khan (Mulholland Books). In this Mumbai-based mystery, Inspector Chopra’s retirement is complicated by the arrival of a baby elephant bequeathed to his care and an accidental death that Chopra is convinced is, in fact, murder.

This extract is taken from our feature ‘The Comfort Zone’ from our January issue, with words and photography (above) by Miranda Mills. Turn to page 51 of the issue to rediscover cosy reads from childhood favourites and comic classics to rural escapes and period drams.


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Photography by Annette Dauphin Simon

For Fun | Spine Poems

Iona Bower October 18, 2022

Poetry can be found in the most surprising places. See if you can spot some in the wild

The wonderful thing about poetry is that you can find it anywhere. Look around you and you’ll find words creating images in billboards, graffiti, on cereal packets... A well-crafted poem is a thing of beauty, certainly, but ‘found’ poetry is somehow more magical: two words that accidentally rhyme, or mirror each other, or simply form a new meaning, having collided completely by accident feels like a happy secret. 

In our October issue, our ‘Gallery’ feature took images from the book Spine Poems by Annette Dauphin Simon (Harper Design). Spine Poetry (see the one above) began as a game in a Florida bookshop when Annette and her colleagues would compete to spot the hidden poetry in the spines of randomly stacked books. So the one pictured above reads:

Like my father always said

Listen to your mother

Listen to your heart

Listen to your Gut.

What’s for dinner?


Clever, isn’t it? You can read a few more of the Spine Poems from page 44 of the October issue. We were so enchanted by the idea, we thought we’d see what a Simple Things Spine Poem from the last 12 months would look like. For those who don’t keep their back issues lined up beautifully on their book shelves, here’s our Spine Poem taken from the magazine’s spines from last November to this October. 

Building Bonfires & making gifts

Taking time to live well

Candles & clementines

Snowdrops & seedheads

Bunches of flowers & sunny day cycling

Easter chocolate & spring adventures

Floral dresses & being outdoors

Salad days & summer nights

Lavender fields & lemon spritzers

Jolly sunflowers & going barefoot

Ripe tomatoes & trying something new

Birthday cake & gathering seeds


We’d love to see your spine poems, too. Do snap a picture and comment on our blog or tag us on your social media with your own Spine Poem pictures. 


Image taken from Spine Poems by Annette Dauphin Simon (Harper Design) which is released on 13 October and can be ordered now.

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Illustration by Christina Carpenter

Book Group | The Book Thief

Iona Bower October 2, 2022

The Book Thief by Marcus Zusak

Share with your book group, read alone and join us virtually on The Simple Things sofa, or simply find a bit of inspiration.

Not many books are narrated by Death himself, and that gives this novel set in 1939 Germany a unique perspective. We follow Liesel, a little girl being sent away to live with strangers whose brother dies on the journey. She steals a book and so begins a lifetime of finding comfort and strength in the pages of books.

Questions to ponder
How does this book compare to wartime stories from a British perspective? Are the concerns similar?

Further reading
The Book of Lost Things by John Connolly also looks at the impact reading can have on us. It follows an orphaned child who lives in an attic room, surrounded by books that have begun to whisper to him…

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Simple Things Tour | Oxford in Books

Iona Bower March 19, 2022

Follow in the steps of Lyra, Alice and Morse with a bookish outing around the dreaming spires of Oxford 

You could happily wander without aim around Oxford for an entire weekend, but if you would prefer a stroll with purpose, there are lots of places with literary connections to stop and stare at. We’ve put together a Simple Things literary outing to Oxford for you,  with suggestions for bookish sights to see and fictional food and literary lunches to fuel you along the way. 

  1. Christchurch College, Cathedral Garden
    Our tour begins in the south east corner of the city centre with an entry to the wonders of Oxford. On the wall between the gardens and the deanery is a very special gate, said to have inspired Alice’s door into Wonderland from the bottom of the rabbit hole. It’s said the ‘real’ Alice (Liddell) who lived at the deanery when her father was the Dean of the college, used to watch her father rush through the gate on his way to Cathedral services - always late, just like the White Rabbit. Only the Dean could cross the garden so Alice was only ever able to catch glimpses of it through the gate… 

  2. Christ Church Dining Room
    While you’re at Christ Church, do join a tour so you can poke your head round the door of the dining room and see the dining hall which is said to have inspired The Great Hall of Hogwarts in JK Rowling’s Harry Potter series. 

  3. The Botanic Gardens
    Just beyond the cathedral, are the peaceful Botanic Gardens. Take a bottle of Cointreau (or perhaps a coffee if it’s a little early still) and channel your inner Sebastian Flyte from Brideshead Revisited. Then make your way to the lower garden where you will find in one corner, the bench where Will and Lyra from Phillip Pullman’s His Dark Materials trilogy agree to meet each year. It’s charmingly covered in ‘Will and Lyra’ graffiti now and a beautiful spot to rest a while. 

  4. Merton College gardens
    Just around the corner at Merton College is an old hexagonal stone table where JRR Tolkien is said to have mapped out many of his story ideas. Take a good look round for hobbits, before you leave and walk up Logic Lane. 

  5. New College Lane
    At the top of Logic Lane, cross the high street and then walk up Queen’s Lane to New College Lane, where Dorothy L Sayers’ novel Gaudy Night ends. Here, Sayer’s crime writer character, Harriet Vane finally accepted Lord Peter Wimsey’s marriage proposal.

  6. The Ashmolean Museum
    Make your way past the Bodleian Library to the Ashmolean Museum where you can see the Oxford Dodo, stepped right out of Wonderland. The Ashmolean is also home to the gold posy rings that served as the inspiration for Tolkien’s One Ring in The Lord of the Rings. 

  7. The Morse Bar
    If all that museum wandering has left you with a thirst, fear not. It’s time for a real ale or two. Just around the corner is the wooden panelled Morse Bar at the Randolph Hotel, where Morse’s creator, Colin Dexter, is said to have written several of the books about everyone’s favourite Oxford detective. 

  8. The Covered Market
    After that ale, you should have worked up an appetite, so head south again past St Peter’s College to The Covered Market, where you might well spot Lyra, in an alternative Oxford, darting among the stalls and shops. We think if she were here today, Lyra would enjoy a Mediterranean lunch in the bohemian Georgina’s, perhaps washed down with a colourful milkshake at Moo Moo’s. 

  9. Exeter College
    Close by Lyra’s covered market is Exeter College, which Pullman based Lyra’s home, Jordan College, on. Pop your head into the courtyard and see if you can spot Lyra’s attic window she climbs out of onto the rooves.

  10. Lincoln College
    Leave Exeter and walk past Jesus college, which was once home to the author William Boyd, and make your way south to Lincoln College, where John Le Carre studied. Some of his later novels, such as Our Kind of Traitor, were based on his time at Oxford as an undergraduate. 

  11. St Mary’s Passage
    Head down Brasenose Lane and turn right in front of the Radcliffe Camera library. Down here, you’ll find St Mary’s Passage, and opposite the entrance to the University Church of St Mary the Virgin, you will find the Narnia Door, heavily etched and with a lion’s face in its centre. It’s apparently the inspiration behind CS Lewis’s wardrobe door into Narnia. 

We’ll leave you here. Don’t go accepting any Turkish Delight from ornately dressed, strange women, now…

Our tour of Oxford was inspired by our Weekend Away feature in our March issue, in which Lindsey Harrad stayed at Keble College. You can read all about it from page 114.

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Illustration by Beatrix Potter, courtesy of the V&A Museum

Code Breaking | Beatrix Potter

Iona Bower March 8, 2022

How the author and illustrator’s codes  were finally cracked with a little help from history              

You might not necessarily associate the unassuming author of Peter Rabbit with ciphers and code-breakers, but if we learned anything from our Looking Back feature on Beatrix Potter in our March issue, it’s that she is the last person you should assume anything about at all.

After her death, a series of notebooks full of tightly curled, tiny cipher were discovered by a family member. The coded books were written by Potter between the ages of 15 and 30, and utterly defeated the relative who uncovered it, so they enlisted the help of Potter Superfan Leslie Linder. 

Even so, it took Linder years of scrutinising the tiny, indecipherable handwriting to find a breakthrough, which turned out to be the year 1793 and the Roman numerals XIV (16). He worked out that it must refer to the execution of Louis XIV in 1793, and from there he was away… Well. We say ‘away’... 

Though it transpired the ‘code’ that had eluded everyone for years was a simple alphabetical cipher of the type Scouts might use, Potter’s handwriting was so small, it was years until the code was fully broken and Potter’s teenaged thoughts about artists, museum, exhibits and more, were finally uncovered. 

The code is a simple switch of letters for other letters, some numbers and a few symbols, too. You can find a full list here if you wish. And Atlas Obscura has still more information on the code

Now, what’s the Potter Code for ‘Mr MacGregor’s juiciest radishes: this way’? Asking for a (furry) friend. 

You can read more about Beatrix Potter in our March issue’s Looking Back pages. The exhibition Beatrix Potter: Drawn to Nature is on at the V&A until 8 January 2023.

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In Looking back Tags Looking back, illustration, books, codes
1 Comment

Photography: Emma Croman

Food | Fictional Feasts

Iona Bower February 12, 2022

Remembering a few of our favourite books in which fabulous feasts were served

Tables groaning with dishes, foodstuffs from days gone by or perhaps even foods that exist only in our imaginations… the feasts from some of our favourite books stay with us forever. Here are a few that still make us hungry to think about them…

 

The Count of Monte Cristo by Alexandre Dumas 

A fishy feast sets the scene for the meal over which the Count plots to bankrupt the evil Danglars.

"They began to pass around the dusky, piquant, Arlesian sausages, and lobsters in their dazzling red cuirasses, prawns of large size and brilliant colour, the echinus with its prickly outside and dainty morsel within, the clovis, esteemed by the epicures of the South as more than rivalling the exquisite flavour of the oyster, North. All the delicacies, in fact, that are cast up by the wash of waters on the sandy beach, and styled by the grateful fishermen “fruits of the sea.”

 

 Five Get Into Trouble by Enid Blyton

Famous Five Feasts must be among the most memorable in fiction but it wasn’t <all> lashings of ginger beer… 

“Once again they bought food for their lunch – new bread, farm-house butter, cream cheese, crisp lettuce, fat red radishes and a bunch of spring onions. Richard bought a magnificent chocolate cake he saw in a first-class cake-shop… ‘Woof,’ said Timmy longingly.”

A Christmas Carol by Charles Dickens

Dickens is synonymous with food, both for his depictions of the hungry and food-poor, best depicted in novels such as Oliver Twist, but also for his descriptions of food and its deeper meanings. Here’s one such meal from A Christmas Carol, a celebration of enough being as good as a feast…

"There never was such a goose. Bob said he didn’t believe there ever was such a goose cooked. Its tenderness and flavour, size and cheapness, were the themes of universal admiration. Eked out by apple-sauce and mashed potatoes, it was a sufficient dinner for the whole family; indeed, as Mrs. Cratchit said with great delight (surveying one small atom of a bone upon the dish), they hadn’t ate it all at last! Yet every one had had enough, and the youngest Cratchits in particular, were steeped in sage and onion to the eyebrows!"

Harry Potter and the Philosopher’s Stone by JK Rowling

Like Dickens, JK Rowling plays regularly on the differences between the haves and have-nots where food is concerned. Having seen Harry’s terrible life and meagre rations at his home with the Dursleys, as readers, we gasp along with him in Hogwarts Great Hall as he sees dish after dish of delicious food magically appear on a table. 

“Harry’s mouth fell open. The dishes in front of him were now piled with food. He had never seen so many things he liked to eat on one table: roast beef, roast chicken, pork chops and lamb chops, sausages, bacon and steak, boiled potatoes, roast potatoes, chips, Yorkshire pudding, peas, carrots, gravy, ketchup and, for some strange reason, mint humbugs.”


The Great Gatsby by F Scott Fitzgerald

Gatsby’s ridiculous parties on Long Island must get a mention in any rundown of fabulous fictional feasts…

"At least once a fortnight a corps of caterers came down with several hundred feet of canvas and enough coloured lights to make a Christmas tree of Gatsby’s enormous garden. On buffet tables, garnished with glistening hors-d’oeuvres, spiced baked hams crowded against salads of harlequin designs and pastry pigs and turkeys bewitched to a dark gold. In the main hall a bar with a real brass rail was set up, and stocked with gins and liquors and with cordials so long forgotten that most of his female guests were too young to know one from another."

 

The Hobbit by JRR Tolkien

There’s nothing quite so irritating as unexpected guests is there? But even an enforced fictional feast has an air of jollity about it…

"Already it had almost become a throng. Some called for ale, and some for porter, and one for coffee, and all of them for cakes; so the hobbit was kept very busy for a while. A big jug of coffee bad just been set in the hearth, the seed-cakes were gone, and the dwarves were starting on a round of buttered scones, when there came-a loud knock. ‘I hope there is something left for the late-comers to eat and drink!’

‘What's that? Tea! No thank you! A little red wine, I think, for me.’

‘And for me,’ said Thorin. 

‘And raspberry jam and apple-tart,’ said Bifur. 

‘And mince-pies and cheese,’ said Bofur. 

‘And pork-pie and salad,’ said Bombur. 

‘And more cakes-and ale-and coffee, if you don't mind,’ called the other dwarves through the door. ‘Put on a few eggs, there's a good fellow!’ Gandalf called after him, as the hobbit stumped off to the pantries. ‘And just bring out the cold chicken and pickles!’”

We were inspired to recall these fictional feasts, having enjoyed our Gathering feature in our February issue: Book Club Supper. It includes recipes by Louise Gorrod for a Fig Dark and Stormy cocktail, vegetarian mezze platter, stuffed giant pasta shells and a chocolate ginger cake. The issue is on sale now or you can buy it in our online store.

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In Fresh Tags issue 116, books, book club, gathering, feasts
1 Comment
Photography: James Gardiner; Project:: Hester Van Overbeek

Photography: James Gardiner; Project:: Hester Van Overbeek

Neighbourly books for your neighbourhood library

Iona Bower October 3, 2021

Books about neighbours to start a neighbourhood library

In our October issue, we have a weekend project on how to make a tiny neighbourhood library for your front garden. Obviously, we were immediately sold and already measuring up planks of wood before the ink was dry on the pages. You can find the project on page 84.

Once you’ve knocked up your tiny neighbourhood library, you’ll want some books in it, and we think for the launch, some books that focus on neighbourhoods and neighbours might tempt the folk on your street to get lending and borrowing. Here are a few to get you going…

 

The Quiet at the End of the World by Lauren James

The story of Lowrie and Shen, the two youngest people left on earth after a pandemic causes mass infertility, and the community that reveres them.

 

The Woman Next Door by Yewande Omotoso

Hortensia and Marion are next-door neighbours in post-Apartheid Cape Town. One is black, one is white, and they are sworn enemies, until an unforeseen event begins to change things.

 

The Stars Beneath Our Feet by David Barclay Moore

The Christmas after Lolly Rachpaul’s brother is killed in a gang-related shooting in Harlem, his mother buys him a huge box of Lego. While he tries to avoid the bad gangs in the city, he’s also building an amazing Lego city at the community centre which starts to become his way back into the neighbourhood.

 

The New Neighbours by Diney Costeloe

The residents of quiet and exclusive cul-de-sac, Dartmouth Circle have their peace shattered by the arrival of a bunch of students. Will there be hilarious antics, upset and changes of heart? We think it’s likely.

 

A Year of Marvellous Ways by Sarah Winman

Eighty-nine-year-old Marvellous Ways lives on the edge of a river in Cornwall, where she often sits on the banks with her telescope. One day a young soldier called Drake is washed up in the river, broken, bloodied and in need of help, and of course, Marvellous obliges.  


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In Fun Tags issue 112, books, little free library, library, neighbours, community
Comment
Skirt (with excellent pockets) by Kemi Telford

Skirt (with excellent pockets) by Kemi Telford

Quiz | What's in my pocket?

Iona Bower April 18, 2021

It’s quiz time! Can you match the fictional character to the contents of their pocket?

We’ve made a list of items found in the pockets of people from the literary world. Can you guess which item was kept in which person’s pocket? Scroll down for the answers.

The unnamed 7-year-old narrator of The Witches (Roald Dahl)

Mr Pepperpot in the Mrs Pepperpot series (Alf Prøysen)

Sherlock Holmes in A Study in Scarlet (Arthur Conan Doyle)

Virgina Woolf

Bilbo Baggins in The Hobbit (JRR Tolkien)

Marian in Tess of the d’Urbervilles (Thomas Hardy)

William Brown in William Below Stairs (Richmal Crompton)

Hansel in Hansel and Gretel (The Brothers Grimm)

The Artful Dodger in Oliver Twist (Charles Dickens)

Harry in Harry Potter and the Philosopher’s Stone (JK Rowling)

Lennie in Of Mice and Men (John Steinbeck)

The soldier in The Tinder Box (Hans Christian Andersen)

Douglas Gold in the story Triangle at Rhodes from Murder in the Mews and Other Stories (Agatha Christie)

1 Gold coins

2 Breadcrumbs

3 Gin

4 The One Ring

5 Strophanthin

6 Stones, top, penknife, bits of putty, and other small objects… and a dying lizard

7 Silk handkerchiefs

8 Heavy stones and a heavy heart

9 A blood red stone

10 A dead mouse

11 Mrs Pepperpot

12 Two mice called William and Mary

13 A magnifying glass and a tape measure



In our April issue, we take a look at pockets and why it’s so important for women’s clothing to have them.

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Answers

1 Gold coins - The soldier in The Tinder Box (Hans Christian Andersen). 2 Breadcrumbs - Hansel in Hansel and Gretel (The Brothers Grimm).  3 Gin - Marian in Tess of the d’Urbervilles (Thomas Hardy). 4 The One Ring - Bilbo Baggins in The Hobbit (JRR Tolkien).  5 Strophanthin - Douglas Gold in the story Triangle at Rhodes from Murder in the Mews and Other Stories (Agatha Christie). 6 Stones, top, penknife, bits of putty, and other small objects… and a dying lizard - William Brown in William Below Stairs (Richmal Crompton). 7 Silk handkerchiefs - The Artful Dodger in Oliver Twist (Charles Dickens). 8 Heavy stones and a heavy heart - Virgina Woolf. 9 A blood red stone - Harry in Harry Potter and the Philosopher’s Stone (JK Rowling).  10 A dead mouse - Lennie in Of Mice and Men (John Steinbeck). 11 Mrs Pepperpot - Mr Pepperpot in the Mrs Pepperpot series (Alf Prøysen).  12 Two mice called William and Mary - The unnamed 7-year-old narrator of The Witches (Roald Dahl).  13 A magnifying glass and a tape measure - Sherlock Holmes in A Study in Scarlet (Arthur Conan Doyle)

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In Fun Tags issue 106, quiz, books, pockets
Comment
Image courtesy of Mills and Boon

Image courtesy of Mills and Boon

Why we love | ridiculous romantic novel titles

Iona Bower April 11, 2021

We know you should never judge a book by its cover but sometimes it is rather fun

In our April issue, we’ve been celebrating the romance novel in all its forms. From Austen heroes brooding in drawing rooms, to steamy scenes from more modern times, romance as a genre is something we can all relate to and something we love to love, even though we know it’s just a bit silly. So in honour of all that, we’ve collated eight of the more silly and very real titles of romance novels we encountered and have imagined how their plots might pan out. 

Mad, Bad and Dangerous in Plaid

Two kilt makers in the Highlands are driven to a turf war over ownership of a design. The last thing they expected was for love to blossom over a patent rights dispute. 

Beginner’s Guide to Rakes

When Susan gets her first allotment, she is confused by the range of garden and DIY tools on offer in her local Homebase. Fortunately, Roger is there to lend a hand. 

Aroused by Two Lions

A chance encounter while on a day trip to Whipsnade brings more than Elsa bargained for.

Emily’s Magical Bejewelled Codpiece

Tudor historian Emily discovers the costume department of the museum contains a secret door to the court of King Henry VIII and adventure awaits. 

Desert Prince, Defiant Virgin

Prince Ali has never left his village home on the edge of the desert and decides if he is to find love, he must take his search to further flung lands. Unfortunately, due to Richard Branson’s cuts, the flight is cancelled. 

Grace Before Meat

The Reverend John Alford is a regular at his village butcher. Then one day a new apprentice arrives in the form of beautiful Emily Bones, and love blossoms over the lamb shanks.

Romance Goes Tenting

A dark and rainy night, a young couple on their first holiday… a row over why on earth he didn’t book the caravan as she’d suggested. Things are going to get stormy before they get steamy. 

Apollo’s Seed

An unlikely romance blooms between Ted, who is putting in his annual Thompson and Morgan’s seed catalogue order, and Octavia, a young Greek woman, working at the call centre. 

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More from our April issue…

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In Fun Tags issue 106, romance, books, reading
Comment
Adrian Mole.jpeg

Life lessons | from Adrian Mole

Iona Bower February 7, 2021

We can learn all sorts of life lessons from a peek at the pages of someone’s diary (particularly those of teenaged intellectuals, of course). 

Stuck at a crossroads in life, or struggling with a moral conundrum? Look no further than the diaries of our favourite young Intellectual. Adrian Mole, who always has words of wisdom, whether you’re struggling with a friend who has become a punk or a lack of correspondence from Malcolm Muggeridge. 

When simple pleasures present themselves, make the most of them and store them away in your memory to cheer you another time. 

“At four o’clock I had one of those rare moments of happiness that I will remember all my life. I was sitting in front of Grandma’s electric coal fire eating dripping toast and reading the News of the World. There was a good play on Radio Four about torturing in concentration camps. Grandma was asleep and the dog was being quiet. All at once I felt this dead good feeling.”


Living an authentic life is important, but sometimes warmth and comfort are more vital still.

“Nigel is a punk at weekends. His mother lets him be one providing he wears a string vest under his bondage T-shirt.”


Looking after your body will improve energy levels but so much of it is about taking good care of your wellbeing, too. 

“My skin is dead good. I think it must be a combination of being in love, and Lucozade.”


Home is where the heart is but often it pays to expand one’s horizons if adventure is what you want. Just be sure it is what you want. 

“I have never seen a dead body or a female nipple. This is what comes from living in a cul de sac.”


To have a real chance at achieving your dreams, you should plot a route backwards from where you want to be to where you are now. And play to your strengths.

“Had a long talk with Mr Vann the Careers teacher today. He said that if I want to be a vet I will have to do Physics, Chemistry and Biology for O level. He said that Art, Woodwork and Domestic Science won’t do much good. I am at the Crossroads in my life. The wrong decision now could result in a tragic loss to the veterinary world.”


Don’t waste your time on things you think you should like; life is short and there are many things out there that will give your pleasure. 

“I think Jane Austen should write something a bit more modern.”


Only give for the joy of giving, rather than the prospect of receiving thanks.

“I remembered my resolution about helping the poor and ignorant today, so I took some of my old Beano annuals to a quite poor family who have moved into the next street. I know they are poor because they have only got a black and white telly. A boy answered the door. I explained why I had come. He looked at the annuals and said, ‘I’ve read ’em,’ and slammed the door in my face. So much for helping the poor!”


Remember that ‘there but for the grace of God… before criticising others’

“My grandma let the dog out of the coal shed. She said my mother was cruel to lock it up. The dog was sick on the kitchen floor. My grandma locked it up again.”


We’re all allowed to have off days, so don’t be hard on yourself. Especially if you are extraordinary. 

 “I still haven’t heard from Malcolm Muggeridge. Perhaps he is in a bad mood. Intellectuals like him and me often have bad moods. Ordinary people don’t understand us and say we are sulking, but we’re not.”


Whatever the situation, your grandmother was probably right about it. 

“Grandma rang and said that it was all around the Evergreens that I was ‘keeping bad company’. She made me go round for tea.”


We were inspired to turn to Mole after reading our feature Dear Diary, about great diarists in our February issue, which is on sale now.

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In Think Tags issue 104 Issue 104, diaries, diary, books, literature
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@finepreserversbooks Bookshelves.jpeg

Think | Bookshelf psychology

Iona Bower December 28, 2020

Photograph courtesy of @finepreserversbooks

Looking through someone’s books can tell you so much about them, but the way in which you organise those books may say as much about you as the books themselves. Which of these bookshelf styles is yours and what does it tell passing visitors about you?

The Colour Co-ordinator

Colour co-ordinated bookshelves speak of someone who regards their books as part of their decor. Colour Co-ordinators have occasionally been derided by bookshelf psychologists and accused of caring more about the look of their books than what’s inside them. But often it’s more about making books part of your home and displaying them almost as art, rather than simply something to be shelved. 

The Alphabetical Arranger

If it’s good enough for bookshops, it’s good enough for us. The big question is: do you go full alphabeticisation or do you organise alphabetically, within genre? And do you alphabetise your genres, too, from Adventure down to Young Adult, or is that overkill? Either way, Alphabetical Arrangers tend to be neat and tidy types who like a simple system that enables them to lay their hands on what they want immediately. 

The Genre Grouper

Organising your books by type is probably the purist’s way, being closest to the Dewey Decimal system. It makes sense, after all, to have all your crime novels together, biographies nestling side by side and nature writing cosying up in the same corner. Those who organise by genre tend to be wide readers (those of us who only read chick lit clearly have no need of such methods) and they tend to be really thoughtful and scientifically minded. If you’re the sort of person who sees the inherent evil in having Jeffrey Archer cuddling up to Aristophanes you might well be a Genre Grouper. If you can’t see the inherent evil in that, you might want to take a good hard look at yourself.

The Chronological Curator

There are two methods of organising your books chronologically. One is to shelve by date of publication, so Greek myths at one end, the latest Val McDermid at the other. The other is to shelve by date you bought them. Now, bear with us, because this isn’t as mad as it sounds. If you’re someone who easily forgets author names or book titles, you might find you can more easily remember that you read a book on a certain holiday back in 2011, or that someone bought you a particular book for Christmas last year. It makes a kind of logical sense in a way. Either way, Chronological Curators are usually mathematical, ordered types. They think in a linear way but aren’t without romance where books are concerned, after all, there’s something lovely about seeing the whole of your book collection laid out like a timeline - of either literary history or your own personal reading history. 

The Slapdash Stacker

Eschewing organisation in favour or a more ‘organic’ way of storing books, these types stack their books both vertically and horizontally, creating a higgeldy piggeldy but joyous library. You might assume a Slapdash Stacker is not a lover of books but often this method of book storage is used by real reading fanatics, who find that other methods are simply too restrictive. If a tall hardback doesn’t fit where it should on its genre shelf, where does one put it? And if your ‘H’ shelves are packed but you’ve bought a new Joanne Harris, you’ll have to get rid of a Mark Haddon, which might be very upsetting. Whereas if you’re a Slapdash Stacker, there’s always room for one more book… somewhere… 

The Pages Out Proponent

If you’ve not come across this phenomenon, you might want to sit down for this one. Suddenly fashionable is storing your books with the spines turned in so that only pages face outwards, giving a uniform look… but meaning you can’t actually see any of the titles. Defendants of this method claim that actually in centuries gone by, titles were often printed on the side of the cut pages rather than on the spine, so it makes a kind of sense. We don’t like to be prescriptive but this is patently nonsense. We are not in the 16th century and people who stack their books this way are perverse. <gavel>

If you love looking at other people’s bookshelves as much as we do, don’t miss our My Place feature in our January issue, in which we feature some of the most beautiful bookshelves we’ve seen, such as this one, pictured above by Maureen of @finepreserversbooks.

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In Think Tags issue 103, Issue 103, books, bookshelves, my place
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Emma Paton @finlay_fox attic pic.jpg

Five fictional (and factual) attics

Iona Bower September 5, 2020

We’re all predisposed to love an attic aren’t we? The chance of finding a long lost treasure, the secrecy of a huge room, hidden at the top of a house, the thrilling idea that it could be a private space just for us? 

It’s little wonder they feature in so many books, both fiction and factual. The attic is a metaphor for the brain - a space right at the top of the house, where all manner of creative and imaginative happenings might occur, a place where memories are stored, and made. How many writers scribbled in garrets, locked away in a dusty loft, after all? You don’t hear of many writers furiously penning novels in sparkling open-plan kitchens, do you? They’re a space to get away, feel ‘above’ mere mortals bumbling about in living rooms and bedrooms. Here we celebrate five literary attics: 

1. Thornfield Hall’s attic in Jane Eyre

The first Mrs Rochester is the inhabitant of the attic in Charlotte Bronte’s best-known novel. Jane hears various crashes, moans and the like and it transpires that the source of them all is Bertha Rochester, one-time beauty and now ‘demon’ in the attic who starts fires, bites visitors and chews up Jane’s wedding veil. Since we know Rochester is about to marry Jane bigamously, frankly we’re with the first Mrs R on this one and think the veil-shredding (and probably some of the biting) is fair enough. (Also, Mr Rochester is pretty irritating. We might have bitten him too.) Poor Mrs R jumps to her death during a fire at Thornfield but holds a special place in our hearts as the first and our favourite ‘mad woman in the attic’. 

2. Jo March’s attic in Little Women

Like many women writing in attics, Jo is a bit of a bluestocking, who wished to be a boy and found her skirts cumbersome. She writes her way out of her femininity, wearing a ‘scribbling suit’ of a black pinafore to soak up the ink and a feathered cap, like a master craftsman, and into a comfortable inhabitation of confident womanhood. Again, the attic is both an escape and a sign of Jo’s superior intellect. And we loved her for her inky hands and the rats that nibbled her pencils. 

3. Anne Frank’s attic in the secret annex

Never could an attic be more thrilling than the real attic in Amsterdam in which Anne Frank enjoyed some fresh air, away from the stuffiness of the rest of the annex each morning. Anne wrote her famous diary in the secret annex in which she was hiding and the rat-infested attic, which was mostly used for storage was her escape, with one little window that it was possible to look out of without fear of being seen. 

4. The attic in Flowers in the Attic

Much though we love a creepy Gothic tale in autumn, we might not linger too long on this very disturbing tale by VC Andrews of incest and abuse that haunted many of our teenaged years. Suffice to say, the attic here holds many a secret and spawns many more secrets of its own. <Shudder> 

5. The attic in The Yellow Wallpaper

It’s the decor that’s the real star of this novel by Charlotte Perkins Gilman. When a young woman is sent to spend a period of rest in a colonial mansion at the turn of the last century, she’s shut up in the old nursery on the top floor of the house. Far from resting her mind, the room itself turns her imagination inside out as she endlessly describes the wallpaper, comes to believe there is a woman trapped inside it and then becomes that woman herself. A beautiful feminist novel that’s deliciously creepy, too. You aren’t sure whether you want to never go upstairs again or disappear to the top of the house forever. 

In our September issue our My Place feature is all about (much less creepy and much more beautiful) attic rooms like this one above by @finlay_fox.  Buy this month's The Simple Things - buy, download or subscribe

More from our September issue…

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In Think Tags issue 99, attics, home, books
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Photography: Petek Arici/istock

Photography: Petek Arici/istock

Reading | Flash Fiction

Iona Bower July 23, 2020

If you like a short story, you might enjoy these ‘flash fiction’ tales

We’re big fans of flash fiction – especially, if you see our feature in our August issue, when you’re struggling to read right now. 

Back in 2018, we asked you to write a 100-word flash fiction story on the theme of ‘summer’. And you did not disappoint. We’ve reprinted some of our favourites below. And, should you feel inspired, we’ve a new flash fiction competition with Seasalt launching in our September issue – watch this space.  

 

The five-second flight by Kirsty Boswell 

“Go long!” he yelled. So long I went. As I meandered around strewn towels, flicking sand up off my feet with every stride, I turned my head to see him release with the force of an Olympic discus thrower. It soared through the air, a bright blue UFO. Over the crimson crowns of balding dads waiting for beeps to reveal hidden treasure. It floated above the boy burrowing a magnificent crater, searching for the middle of the earth. It swooped over the baby enjoying a mouthful of sand, and crashed straight in to Mum’s 99. And then we ran. 

 

Before the flood by Agnes Halvorssen 

 Summer has gone off the rails. Doors slam and the hot sun shakes in the sky, the clouds pull close and raise their arms. She does not blow them away to reveal a clear blue, but pulls them nearer. There are rumours that she has been spending time with Winter. She comes back cold to the touch, icicles hiding in her golden locks, the tip of her nose red and damp. And nowadays Winter has a wild faraway look in his eyes, and pools of water gathering around his boots. 

 

Don’t look now by Gemma Smith 

‘Beware,’ shrieked the sign on the wall, ‘ignore at your peril.’ Eyes darting wildly, I make a bid for safety, clutching my prize to my chest as if it might evade me at the first opportunity. Lulled by its gentle rhythm, the ocean pulls me to it; the sun’s glow enveloping me as I step out from the dark cobbled streets, trance-like, into the open harbour. Feverishly unwrapping the pristine white paper, I marvel at the molten gold within, and then…GONE. Circling like a feathered storm in a squawking flurry of teacups, my aerial pursuers strike. Bloody seagulls. Bloody toastie. 

 

Hanami by Christopher P Davis 

They were midway through lemon-scented drinks when a wisteria flower descended feather-lightly into his glass and stirred the bittersweet memory of the previous summer. The two of them had hired bikes at dawn and rode across Tokyo, eventually finding their way to Yoyogi Park, where they spent the afternoon beneath purple trees, watching the dancers and talking, while he stroked her hazel-brown hair. A year had passed since then and he still wondered whether they had made the right decision. “What are you thinking about?” his date asked, noticing his faraway gaze, and tucking a blonde lock behind her ear. 

 

Summer wardrobe by Kate Life 

The seasonal shift sent her packing. Carefully she exchanged cashmere and tweed for cottons in shades of citrus zest and ice-cream scoops. Folding corduroy, she thought of Tom. He was the scent of wood-smoke, a trudge through leaves, crumble, and chilled fingers that had chivalrously scraped her windscreen clear. She transported him to the world of summer: petrol fumes heavy in sluggish air, the pop of fizz, and songs that would grate when autumn came. “Oh well,” she thought, shoving the last zippered package into the depths of the bed, “I can mothball him, till October at least.” 

 

Daisy days by Hannah Pank 

The pleasantly warm air of summer has finally tempted my head above the soil, a crown of pure, brilliant white petals encircling my golden yolk of a centre. A young girl is dancing upon the ground beside me, bare feet barely indenting the warm grass beneath. She stumbles over in a fit of laughter, giggles erupting from dimpled cheeks. Chubby fingers clumsily begin to interlock the bodies of my sisters, weaving them into a crown. Then I am chosen to adorn the head of the girl of my dreams. Together we dance toward the sunset. 

 Buy this month's The Simple Things - buy, download or subscribe

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In Think Tags issue 98, August, flashfiction, books, reading
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Photo of the very real Steyning Bookshop, West Sussex

Photo of the very real Steyning Bookshop, West Sussex

Four fictional bookshops

Iona Bower June 23, 2020

Join us as we browse the shelves of our favourite fictional bookshops

Is there a better place to spend a quiet afternoon than browsing in a really lovely bookshop? One with an expansive fiction section but also some surprises: maybe a really good maps or travel corner or a shelf of cookery books that you can lose an hour in. Browsing in bookshops has been one of the things we have missed most during lockdown, so we’re pleased to see them beginning to open up.

This week is Independent Bookshops week and there are many ways to support your local emporium of words, from buying books from them online or over the phone to purchasing book tokens to be spent there in the future when browsing will hopefully be back to normal. In the meantime, we’ve been reminiscing about our favourite bookshops from books, TV and films. Here are a few we remember fondly…

Marks & Co

Located at the eponymous 84, Charing Cross Road, Marks & Co is a bit of an interloper in this list, as it wasn’t fictional at all. But it’s surely one of the most famous bookshops from a book ever to exist so we had to include it here. For those who haven’t yet read it (and it is a case of yet - you really must read it) the book is a collection of letters between the author, Helene Hanff, and the staff of Marks & Co, primarily Frank Doel. New Yorker Hanff wrote to the bookshop having heard they were specialists in out of print books, to ask for a number of titles she couldn’t get in the US. From there began a correspondence that spanned two decades. Sadly, by the time Helene made it to England the shop had just closed its doors for the final time, but the shop lives on in her book which was eventually published in 1971 and later became a film (starring Anthony Hopkins and Anne Bancroft) and a screenplay. 

Black Books

This warm early noughties sit com, created by Dylan Moran and Graham Linehan, followed the lives of irascible bookshop owner Bernard Black, his assistant Manny and friend and neighbour Fran. The real star of the show, however, was the London bookshop itself. Infested with vermin and other creatures unknown, filthy to the extent of being unlivable, and languishing in a permanent fug of Bernard’s cigarette smoke and alcohol fumes, for some reason we all wanted to own Black Books, too. We’re still not sure why, but there it is. 


The Travel Book Co

William Thacker’s (Hugh Grant’s) bookshop in the film Notting Hill was a charming emporium with the sort of romantic atmosphere that only comes with being in a beautiful building surrounded by enchanting tales from across the globe. So it’s no wonder American superstar Ann falls for the slightly bumbling English eccentric Will. We’d probably all be endlessly attractive if we all owned such as bookshop. The real-life location (142 Portobello Road) has actually never been a bookstore, but The Travel Book Co was based on the real-life Travel Bookshop nearby at 13 Blenheim Crescent. 

Flourish and Blotts

No bookshop makes us want to go straight back to school more than Flourish & Blotts of Diagon Alley from the Harry Potter stories: ‘The shelves were packed to the ceiling with books as large as paving stones bound in leather, books the size of postage stamps covered in silk, books full of peculiar symbols and a few books with nothing in them at all…’ The owners are regularly confounded by titles such as The Invisible Book of Invisibility, which appears never to have turned up, and The Monster Book of Monsters, copies of which attack the manager and tear each other to pieces. Just magic. 

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In Fun Tags issue 89, bookshops, books
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Jane_Eyre Megan Westley.jpg

Domestic life hacks from Jane Eyre

Iona Bower March 7, 2020

Photography by Megan Westley

There’s plenty of strong advice we can take from Jane, one of our favourite fictional heroines, about the nature of love, finding inner resilience and more. But if you’ve no time for big changes here are a few simple things you can do to bring a bit more Jane into your life. With apologies to Charlotte Bronte.


  • Take up bird watching. It’s a relaxing diversion in times of crisis, particularly if your cruel cousins are being unkind. Losing yourself in Bewick’s History of British Birds is the best response and come Great Garden Birdwatch time in January, you’ll be pleased you spent the time so usefully.

  • Should you find yourself living at a charity school for girls, and your pitcher for washing your face is frozen solid in the morning, sprinkle a little rock salt on the surface to thaw it.

  • In times of distress, tea and seed cake is almost always a salve for the soul.

  • A sprained ankle, after a fall from a horse, perhaps, can be easily treated at home. NHS Direct prescribes rest, ice, compression and elevation. If the injured party can’t put weight on the ankle, offer assistance in walking home. Reader, I carried him.

  • You can remove the smell of damp dog from a rug by sprinkling the area liberally with baking soda and then Hoovering up the following day. Down, Pilot!

  • Noisy upstairs neighbours are a trial. Remember you can’t necessarily change their behaviour but you can change yours. Try to distract yourself and relax as much as possible before bedtime (perhaps with a cup of tea and some seed cake) to give yourself the best chance of dropping off, despite the din upstairs.

  • Candles can bring a relaxing atmosphere but if you’re going to have them in the bedroom make sure you don’t have long drapes around the bed. A simple divan looks cleaner and is less of a fire hazard.

  • If your house is larger than you need and expensive to heat, you can always consider closing off entire floors. Better still, think about downsizing to somewhere a little easier to maintain. 

  • Never trust a fortune-teller arriving at your door unannounced during a party.

  • If you’re rather plain, don’t waste time and money on rouge and pearls, you can’t make a silk purse out of a sow’s ear, but you’re sure to have other talents to commend you to others. Perhaps potential suitors would like to hear your talk about British birds? 

Fans of Jane Eyre shouldn’t miss our What I Treasure page in the March issue, in which Megan Westley tells us about her most treasured possession, the beautiful copy of Jane Eyre, pictured above.

Buy this month's The Simple Things - buy, download or subscribe


More from our March issue…

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Mar 27, 2020
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More literary things for bookworms…

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Apr 3, 2025
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Mar 7, 2020
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In Fun Tags issue 93, March, Blossom, literature, writers, books
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  Buy ,  download  or  subscribe   See the sample of our latest issue  here   Buy a copy of our latest anthology:  A Year of Celebrations   Buy a copy of  Flourish 2 , our wellbeing bookazine  Listen to  our podcast  - Small Ways to Live Well
Feb 27, 2025
Feb 27, 2025

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See the sample of our latest issue here

Buy a copy of our latest anthology: A Year of Celebrations

Buy a copy of Flourish 2, our wellbeing bookazine

Listen to our podcast - Small Ways to Live Well

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The Simple Things is published by Iceberg Press

The Simple Things

Taking time to live well

We celebrate slowing down, enjoying what you have, making the most of where you live, enjoying the company of of friends and family, and feeding them well. We like to grow some of our own vegetables, visit local markets, rummage for vintage finds, and decorate our home with the plunder. We love being outdoors and enjoy the satisfaction that comes with a job well done.

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