Life Advice | From Roald Dahl

In our September issue, you can take our quiz to find out which Roald Dahl character you are most like. While we were doing the quiz ourselves, it occurred to us just how much sense many of Dahl’s characters speak, and how much of that wisdom chimes with all the things we try to fill The Simple Things’ pages with each month. Here are ten life lessons from Dahl Land that we think will help you live a simpler and better life. 

Be curious

‘There are a whole lot of things in this world of ours you haven’t started wondering about yet.’ 

James and the Giant Peach

Enjoy armchair travel

‘The books transported her into new worlds and introduced her to amazing people who lived exciting lives. She went on olden-day sailing ships with Joseph Conrad. She went to Africa with Ernest Hemingway and to India with Rudyard Kipling. She travelled all over the world while sitting in her little room in an English village.’

Matilda

Believe in magic

‘Above all, watch with glittering eyes the whole world around you because the greatest secrets are always hidden in the most unlikely places. Those who don't believe in magic will never find it.’

Billy and the Minpins

Think good thoughts

‘A person who has good thoughts cannot ever be ugly. You can have a wonky nose and a crooked mouth and a double chin and stick-out teeth, but if you have good thoughts they will shine out of your face like sunbeams and you will always look lovely.’

The Twits

Read more books

‘So please, oh please, we beg, we pray, go throw your TV set away, and in its place you can install a lovely bookshelf on the wall. Then fill the shelves with lots of books.’
Charlie and the Chocolate Factory

Cherish silliness

‘A little nonsense now and then, is cherished by the wisest men.’

Charlie and the Great Glass Elevator

Throw yourself into what you love

‘I began to realise how important it was to be an enthusiast in life. He taught me that if you are interested in something, no matter what it is, go at it at full speed ahead. Embrace it with both arms, hug it, love it, and above all become passionate about it. Lukewarm is no good. Hot is no good either. White hot and passionate is the only thing to be.’

My Uncle Oswald

Suspend your disbelief

‘The matter with human beans,’ the BFG went on, ‘is that they is absolutely refusing to believe anything unless they is actually seeing it right in front of their own schnozzles.’

The BFG

Retain a sense of childish wonder

‘Never grow up,’ she said, ‘always down.‘

George’s Marvellous Medicine

Travel widely, especially within your own imagination

‘That’s why they alway put two blank pages at the back of the atlas. They’re for new countries. You’re meant to fill them in yourself.’ 

The BFG

You can take the Which Roald Dahl Character Are You quiz in our September issue from page 37, and if you feel like dressing up as your Dahl character, Roald Dahl day is on 13 September. 

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Quiz | What's Your Board Game Personality

Are you a role player or a traditional race gamer? Card shark or collaborator? Take our Simple Things Board Games quiz and find out what your board game strengths are and which sorts of play you would be best suited to. Let the games begin!

1. What was your best subject at school?

A. Probably PE. It was always great to get outside from a stuffy classroom and I was on all the school teams. 

B. Drama. I threw myself into every school play. I was always a bit of a nerd and felt happier when hiding behind a role. 

C. I was barely there! I’d go into school in the morning for registration, then get changed in the girls’ toilets and head into town for the day over the back gate. 

D. I was a bit of a maths genius. I’m still faster than the till in the supermarket!

E. Geography. I like seeing the world from others’ perspectives

2. What’s your greatest fear?

A. Losing. 

B. Real life. 

C. Being bored.

D. I’m not saying. 

E. Upsetting others.

3. What’s your ideal board games night snack?

A. Something quick and easy to eat like a pile of nachos.

B. Cran (dwarven bread) and a selection of rustic cheeses.
C. A huge seafood platter, with lobster crackers to get into the crustaceons. Your guests are going to have to WORK for their snacks.
D. Hard liquor. 

E. A few sharing platters, taking into account the vegans, low-carbers and kids. 

4. What’s your motto in a crisis?

A. If you’re going through hell, go fast.

B. Be yourself and if you can’t be yourself, be a Dragon Queen!

C. In. Out. Get the kettle on. 

D. Just roll the dice and see what happens. 

E. No person left behind. 

5. What’s your aesthetic?

A. Simple and classic never lets you down. 

B. A little edgy. Steampunk with a bit of buxom wench thrown in. 

C. Outdoorsy and practical. There’s no such thing as bad weather - just the wrong clothing.  

D. Sleek and smart. You can’t go wrong with a little black dress. 

E. Cottage core and a bit countryside chic. 

6. What’s your Simple Thing?

A. A run round the park, taking in the outdoor gym.

B. Losing myself in a story. 

C. Wild swimming in winter. 

D. Getting the last space in the car park just ahead of someone else!

E. Crafting with friends around the kitchen table.

Now add up your scores…

Mostly As

You’re best at traditional ‘race’ games such as Snakes and Ladders. You like to know exactly what the parameters of any challenge are but you accept that luck plays a large part in life. 

Board game recommendation: Escape from Colditz.

Mostly Bs

Your gaming style is RPG (role play games) like Dungeons and Dragons. You throw yourself wholeheartedly into occasions, never being too embarrassed to give something your all (especially if it involves fighting an orc or stealing a dragon’s gold).

Board game recommendation: Munchkin.

Mostly Cs

You’re an Escape Room aficionado. You like thrills and spills and an element of danger and love to live life bu the seat of your pants. 

Board game recommendation: Cluedo Robbery at the Museum: an escape and solve game.

Mostly Ds

Your gaming style is ‘card shark’. You take games seriously and are always first to suggest getting the wallets out to ‘make it more interesting’. It’s hard to tell when you’re having fun though, due to your poker face. 

Board game recommendation: Splendor. 

Mostly Es

You’re the sort of person who likes collaborative games. You don’t really like anyone to lose and just want it to be fun for everyone. 

Board game recommendation: Mysterium

This quiz was inspired by our Gathering feature in our January issue, which is a menu designed for a board games evening, with food you can eat one-handed and share with your team mates easily. It includes halloumi and cauliflower bites, winter slaw, mac and cheese balls, two types of burgers, churros and root beer floats. 

More games and fun…

More from the January issue…

Quiz | Which member of The Famous Five are you?

Hallo! We’ve a jolly exciting quiz for you all! Just answer the questions below and you’ll discover which Famous Five character you are most like. “Gosh,” we all said. “Woof!” said Timmy. 

1. Which page of The Simple Things magazine do you always turn to first?

1. I always read the Editor’s message. I like to know what the issue is about and make sure I’m clued up as to what it’s all about. 

2. I love to read about others’ adventures and often turn to the Wisdom pages first to be inspired by people doing something new and different. 

3. Anything outdoorsy, especially if it’s on water - wild swimming, boating, paddle-boarding. 

4. Home Tour! I just love seeing the beautiful ways in which people turn a house into a home. And the recipes! I love to whip up a batch of something sweet for my friends!

5. Cake in the House. I could just woof it down in one go. 

2. What’s your ‘role’ in your friendship circle?

1. I’m the leader. To be honest, I don’t know where they’d all be without me. 

2. I’m the crisis manager. I tend to be the one that sorts out all the problems and gets my hands dirty - even though I don’t get much credit for it.

3. I’m the ideas person, I tend to drive our meet-ups, be the one who comes up with the ideas and then sees it through. 

4. I’m the calming influence. It’s always me clearing up at the end of a good night. Someone has to I guess!

5. I’m the loyal one and the glue between us all. I’d do anything for my friends. 

3. What is your must-have picnic item?

1. A delicious ham. An army marches on its stomach and so do I!

2. Spam sandwiches. Easy and delicious. And even better sheltering under a tree in the rain. 

3. Ginger beer! Lashings of it!

4. Hard-boiled eggs. 

5. Potted meat - or a juicy bone!

4. You have caught a cold (due to swimming in the sea in April) and are unable to go on your planned holiday. What will you do instead?

1. I’d look into the mystery of the birdwatchers down by the old ravine. I suspect they are forging banknotes!

2. I’d help Uncle Quentin with his investigations into two scientists who have gone missing, suspected of selling secrets to the Russians!

3. I’d just go swimming some more. 

4. Tuck myself up in bed with a good book and make sandwiches for my holiday pals for when they return. 

5. Round up some other friends and go for a nice walk in the sunshine. 

5. You’ve been locked in a deserted house on an island by smugglers. What do you do?

1. I would delegate someone to alert the police, someone to distract the smugglers and I would get the boat ready to make good our escape. I’m a bit of a hero like that. 

2. I would rig up a rope and pulley system to climb to the top of the roof and use a magnifying glass to start a small fire and alert the coastguard. Then I would swing down and make a citizen’s arrest just in time for the police to arrive. 

3.  I would tear the smugglers off an absolute strip. It’s not their bally island anyway. It’s my island. 

4. Sit tight and wait for help to arrive. Oh, and I’d make everyone a strong cup of tea to see us through. 

5. Run for help. Untie a boat using only my teeth and then float it out to sea and shout loudly for help until someone followed me back to my friends. 

6. What is your ‘Simple Thing’?

1. A job well done. 

2. Small adventures.

3. Swimming outdoors.

4. Making my home cosy. 

5. A good long walk.

Mostly As

You are Julian. A born leader and a great organiser. But perhaps try not to let it always <show> quite so much?

Mostly Bs

You are Dick. You’re always in the thick of the adventure and can be depended on to show no fear.

Mostly Cs

You are George. You love the outdoor life (and your dog) but can sometimes be a bit blinkered to the needs of others at the expense of your own needs. 

Mostly Ds

You are Anne. Welcoming and a wonderful host, you love nothing more than home-making and helping others feel at home, too. 

Mostly Es

You are Timmy the dog. You are loyal, brave and love tasty treats and a good walk!

Read our ‘Nostalgia’ feature, Lessons From The Famous Five, in our September issue, in shops now. 

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Quiz | Run Away to the Circus

Had enough or the daily grind? Roll up for our Circus Career Quiz and you could be off to a new life in the circus today

We all occasionally reach a point in life, where we just want to down tools and run off to join the circus. Easier said than done, you might think? Not so, with our New Life in the Circus Quiz.  Find out where your Big Top Niche lies and where you could best employ your transferable skills. 

Q1. What sector do you work in?

A I don’t work. Well, I do have a couple of volunteer roles. And I do some occasional freelance work. And I help out at my children’s school. And I look after my dad who’s quite frail now. And just, you know, the shopping, house admin, DIY and all that. But no, I don’t do much really. 

B Engineering

C Entertainment

D Emergency Services

E Project management

Q2. How do you like to relax?

A By doing hobbies. I always have at least two things on the go. 

B I’m an adrenaline junkie. I can’t relax until I’ve had a good long run or a sea swim, or been climbing. 

C Just having a giggle with friends. 

D You’ll laugh, but I love firewalking. It’s an amazing experience and you feel so serene afterwards. 

E. I’m not very good at relaxing. It makes me edgy. 

Q3. Who is your favourite famous clown?

A. Krusty the Clown from The Simpsons

B. Grock, the Swiss Acrobat/Clown

C. Lou Jacobs - the inventor of the clown car.

D. Pennywise from Stephen King’s It. 

E. Grimaldi, of course, the Father of Clowning

Q4. What would be your last meal?

A I’d cook a roast dinner with all the trimmings. 

B A huge stack of pancakes, flipped and stacked with loads of syrup.

C Custard pie.

D A vindaloo. With extra chillies.

E Something with a bit of showmanship, maybe a Steak Diane, followed by Bananas Foster. 

Q5. What is your greatest skill?

A People often say I’m a great multitasker.

B I’m very flexible and adapt easily to any new situation. 

C I think I make people laugh. 

D I’m fearless.

E I’m highly organised and I think people respect that. 

<Drumroll…> And the results are in!

Mostly A 

You’re a juggler. Never one to stand still, you have no problem with keeping your eye on the ball and with handling more than one task at a time. 

Mostly B 

You would make a great acrobat. You’re fast, flexible and ready for anything. Maybe you could turn those skills to a physical arena and find a new life up on the high wire.

Mostly C 

You’re a born entertainer and would make a fabulous clown. You make people smile and don’t take yourself too seriously but you’re also a sensitive soul who people empathise with. Just don’t offer to do any driving as part of your new role. And if you do, don’t offer a lift to all your friends. 

Mostly D 

Danger is, if not your middle name, then definitely your watchword. With your can-do approach to life - and a slight dare devil streak, dare we say? - we think you’d make a great fire eater. Please leave the man-made fibres at home, though.

Mostly E 

In your current life, you’re the one that holds it all together. People look to you for direction and you’re usually meticulously well organised. If you ran off to the circus, we think you’d swap your online organiser for a whip and work your way up to being ring master in no time.

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Quiz | Which is your Spiritual Fictional Boarding School?

It’s almost time to pack up your pencil case and head back to school for the new term. But which school is the right fit for you? Take a trip through your childhood bookshelves with our back to school quiz and find out where you’re packing your cases for. 

1. How do you feel about academia?

a. It’s important to do your best, but far more important to be a well-rounded, solid young woman; the sort your school can be proud of.

b. Skool is wet and weedy. And thus only for wets and weeds. Generally I manadge  to bish it up sumhow.

c. I enjoyed the Latin I did with Father. But my governess says, that while a little culture is important, becoming a home-maker is what really counts. I’m hoping to apply myself a little more to my needlework this term.

d. I went to the local comp and it was fine but I always felt something was ‘missing’ that I couldn’t quite put my finger on. What I need is a little more guidance from the adults in my life. 

e. I try my best. It just always seems to go wrong somehow. 

2. How do you wear your school uniform?

a. Properly and with pride, naturally! I always feel a swell od satisfaction when I look at myself in the mirror in my smart tunic and boater. 

b.  At a rakish angel, as eny fule kno.

c.  Oh, I’m never out of it. It’s jolly attractive, you know. The deep blue really sets off my eyes, and the crimson honeycombing at the waist and white revers on the shoulder give it some lovely detailing. I think a good uniform is so important. 

d. There’s a lot of clobber and it tends to get rather a battering but there’s nothing an invisibility cloak won’t cover up. 

e. I never look quite right in it. My socks are usually falling down around my ankles and my boot laces trailing. My hat is usually either lost or bashed in on one side. 

3. What’s your ideal school dinner?

a. Not a word to matron, but obviously it’s a midnight feast! Tins of Carnation milk, sardines and perhaps even some chocolate if someone’s folks have been down for exeat weekend. 

b. Is ther indeed eny such thing? I hav lookd on in horror as the skool dinner lady serves up the peece of cod that passeth understanding and been ever after grateful to receev a simple skool sossige (assuming the rotten skool dog hav not already ate i)t and a spotted dick and custard. 

c. Sunday breakfasts are a firm favourite with me: get up late at nine, and then tuck into coffee with rolls and honey. 

d. Anything that’s followed by treacle tart. Magic!

e.  Tea, crumpets and butter, taken in front of the fire. 

4. What’s your strongest memory of school?

a. The words of my head teacher will always stay with me and I try to put them into use every day: “You’ll get a lot out of school. See that you put a lot back.”

b. My torture at the hands of the skool bully, Graber, captane of evry sports team, winner of the Miss Joyful Prize for raffia work and all round cad and bounder, is sumthing that will remane with me.

c. Golly, there was so much drama, I could scarcely say. Some poor girl was almost always succumbing to tuberculosis or getting caught in an avalanche and having a scrape with death. And we once had a spy in the school during the war. That was jolly exciting.

d. I had a couple of run-ins with an arch nemesis that definitely stick in the mind. 

e.  Being turned into a frog. 

5. What do you want to be when you grow up?

a. I know my folks would be rather pleased if I married a doctor like my father but I loved school so much, I think I’d like to be a teacher. 

b. Anything that gets me out of this skool, which is a bit of a shambles, as you can see. In fact, sumthing as far away as possible, so perhaps a career in space. Sumthing in a rocket that go ‘ur ur whoosh’ and fly me up to the moon, from were I may look down on skool and all the clot-faced wets therein and larf. 

c. I’d like to go back to England and go up to Oxford, which would make Mummy terribly proud, but if not, I shall probably study at one of the art needlework schools and start a family. I’m not sure there’s much in between is there?

d. I’m keeping an open mind. I’d just like to follow my destiny really. 

e. Something working with animals. They understand me better than people. 

Answers

Add up the number of As, Bs, Cs etc to find our which is your Spirit Boarding School

Mostly As: Lacrosse sticks at the ready: you’re off to Malory Towers. Hurrah!

Mostly Bs: CAVE! CAVE! It’s the beak:  you’re off to St Custard’s with Molesworth and co.

Mostly Cs: Lummy, don’t forget your snow shoes: you’re off to the Chalet School. 

Mostly Ds: Lumos! Don’t be late for the Hogwarts Express. You’re going to wizarding school!

Mostly Es: Drat! You’re off to Miss Cackle’s Academy for Witches. Let’s hope you’re not the Worst Witch there.

If that has got you feeling nostalgic for more books you once owned, don’t miss our Looking Back feature on children’s fiction in our September issue.

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Quiz | What Species of Dragonfly Are You?

Take our quiz to find out what your dragonfly style is

Our Magical Creature for June is the dragonfly. You can find out all about them on page 21 of the June issue. We were surprised to hear that there are around 30 species of dragonfly, darting about the British Isles. We thought it might be fun to see which species we all most identify with. Answer the questions below to find out.

What’s your summer wardrobe style?

A Always practical, so you can make the most of exploring the countryside: hardwearing khaki trousers, lots of layers and reflective trims in case you stay out after dark. 

B Earthy shades with global influences. 

C Casual - you’ve usually come straight from the garden. Jeans, Birkenstocks and a strappy top. 

D Sporty. Cyclist’s Lycras and swimwear, if you have anything to do with it. Summer is for getting stuck in. 

E Jewel shades and elegant lines, perfect for long, warm evenings.

Where are you spending your time off?

A On a road trip around Britain. You enjoy driving and want to see more of the country. 

B Somewhere in the Lakes or definitely somewhere with a pool where you can lounge by the water’s edge.

C You don’t know yet but when you get there it’s going to be a totally relaxing week. Just you, a pile of books and some good food. 

D You’re having a proper staycation but that’s not to say you won’t get lots done. You’re using the time to completely redesign the garden, will be catching up with friends and family you’ve not seen in months and are planning to sign up to a course to learn upholstery. 

E You’ve got a few trips here and there booked. Europe if it’s allowed. A weekend with female friends to a fab pub with rooms in the Cotswolds. And a week glamping with family. You’re not stopping until summer’s all over!

What’s your approach at a summer gathering?

A Mingle with lots of people and hopefully make a few new friends.

B Hide in the kitchen and hope you find some like-minded introverts. 

C You’ll be at the buffet. The best bit of any party. 

D You’ll be wherever the action is! Flitting about among the guests, investigating the food, making interesting conversation with new people and on the dancefloor until the end of the night when it’s back to yours for the after party!

E You’re a party lounge lizard. You’ll arrive (looking fabulous of course) and the party will simply find you. 

Reveal your dragonfly type

Mostly As: You’re a Hawker. Hawkers cruise around any eye level, flying many miles in a day.

Mostly Bs: You’re a Skimmer. They fly low across the water and are from one of the largest dragonfly families in the world. 

Mostly Cs: You’re a Chaser. Chasers are broader bodied and tend to be more still, shooting out at passing prey from a nearby perch when necessary. 

Mostly Ds: You’re a Darter. Darters are busy fellows, always dashing from place to place. They’re distinctive without being showy, common in gardens and are usually the last dragonfly species to be seen in Autumn.

Mostly Es: You’re an Emperor. These are brightly coloured dragonflies, very active, and rarely settle except in cool weather. 

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Quiz | What's in my pocket?

It’s quiz time! Can you match the fictional character to the contents of their pocket?

We’ve made a list of items found in the pockets of people from the literary world. Can you guess which item was kept in which person’s pocket? Scroll down for the answers.

The unnamed 7-year-old narrator of The Witches (Roald Dahl)

Mr Pepperpot in the Mrs Pepperpot series (Alf Prøysen)

Sherlock Holmes in A Study in Scarlet (Arthur Conan Doyle)

Virgina Woolf

Bilbo Baggins in The Hobbit (JRR Tolkien)

Marian in Tess of the d’Urbervilles (Thomas Hardy)

William Brown in William Below Stairs (Richmal Crompton)

Hansel in Hansel and Gretel (The Brothers Grimm)

The Artful Dodger in Oliver Twist (Charles Dickens)

Harry in Harry Potter and the Philosopher’s Stone (JK Rowling)

Lennie in Of Mice and Men (John Steinbeck)

The soldier in The Tinder Box (Hans Christian Andersen)

Douglas Gold in the story Triangle at Rhodes from Murder in the Mews and Other Stories (Agatha Christie)

1 Gold coins

2 Breadcrumbs

3 Gin

4 The One Ring

5 Strophanthin

6 Stones, top, penknife, bits of putty, and other small objects… and a dying lizard

7 Silk handkerchiefs

8 Heavy stones and a heavy heart

9 A blood red stone

10 A dead mouse

11 Mrs Pepperpot

12 Two mice called William and Mary

13 A magnifying glass and a tape measure

In our April issue, we take a look at pockets and why it’s so important for women’s clothing to have them.

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Answers

1 Gold coins - The soldier in The Tinder Box (Hans Christian Andersen). 2 Breadcrumbs - Hansel in Hansel and Gretel (The Brothers Grimm).  3 Gin - Marian in Tess of the d’Urbervilles (Thomas Hardy). 4 The One Ring - Bilbo Baggins in The Hobbit (JRR Tolkien).  5 Strophanthin - Douglas Gold in the story Triangle at Rhodes from Murder in the Mews and Other Stories (Agatha Christie). 6 Stones, top, penknife, bits of putty, and other small objects… and a dying lizard - William Brown in William Below Stairs (Richmal Crompton). 7 Silk handkerchiefs - The Artful Dodger in Oliver Twist (Charles Dickens). 8 Heavy stones and a heavy heart - Virgina Woolf. 9 A blood red stone - Harry in Harry Potter and the Philosopher’s Stone (JK Rowling).  10 A dead mouse - Lennie in Of Mice and Men (John Steinbeck). 11 Mrs Pepperpot - Mr Pepperpot in the Mrs Pepperpot series (Alf Prøysen).  12 Two mice called William and Mary - The unnamed 7-year-old narrator of The Witches (Roald Dahl).  13 A magnifying glass and a tape measure - Sherlock Holmes in A Study in Scarlet (Arthur Conan Doyle)

More from our April issue…

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Quiz | Your Fictional Christmas Persona

Grab a sherry, a snack and a quiet half and hour and take part in our fun, festive quiz to discover who
your fictional Christmas persona is…

1. When do you usually start planning for Christmas?
A Usually just in the nick of time.
B I’ve been ticking off the sleeps since summer ended.
C When the first frost arrives.
D It’s Christmas? Oops. When do the shops shut?
E Plans? Well, for planning I care not a jot
The plans that I plan you’d call more of a plot!

2. When does your tree go up?
A Not until all the family are home to do it together.
B On Christmas Eve, as is traditional and correct, of course!
C I prefer to put some outdoor lights around a few of the firs in the garden. All those trinkets indoors make me feel a bit giddy.
D I’ve usually got quite a lot on my plate. Hopefully my other half will get it sorted.
E I steal all the tinsel as soon as I durst,
And I stuff up the tree on December the first.

3. Favourite Christmas food or tipple?
A A flaming rum punch, no, wait!… A mulled wine, extra heavy on the cinnamon.
B Sugar plums dusted with icing sugar and bowls of golden nuts.
C A simple candlelit supper does it for me, or a winter picnic outdoors.
D A whisky Mac.
E I never try anything far too ambitious,
But a simple roast beast is always delicious.

4. What would your ideal Christmas gift be?
A I’d always go for an ‘experience’ type of gift, something that would allow me to spend time with those that I love.
B Something beautiful and magical – a snow globe or a music box? Something that’s well-crafted, which I can treasure.
C A really simple but lovely hat and scarf to keep me toasty outside.
D A pair of socks. Or some slippers. Actually, anything wardrobe-based really, I seem to be running low on everything. And a German phrasebook.
E I don’t get many gifts, which I find quite upsetting.
Christmas for me is all about GETTING!

5. What’s your favourite part of the festivities?
A Listening to the bells ring after Midnight Mass and remembering what it’s all really about.
B The anticipation of Christmas Eve as family arrive and the tree sparkles, packed with presents.
C A walk out in the cold first thing on Christmas morning while everyone else sleeps on.
D Finally getting home from work and putting my feet up. But I like to keep moving over the holiday, too, with some blustery walks out at the coast and a bit of hill walking.
E Not a lot about Christmas impresses me truly
But I do like the chance to be wild and unruly.

6. What’s your Christmas tradition?
A Putting the angel at the top of the tree with my loved ones.
B A trip to the ballet. Always beautiful at this time of year!
C I much prefer to celebrate Midwinter. Usually an outdoor gathering with friends and plenty of fresh air.
D A quiet whisky by myself in my favourite chair before dealing with the hordes of uninvited guests.
E On Christmas Eve night in homage to St Nick
I sneak out of my house and I trick a few tricks.

7. What do you find most tricky about this time of year?
A Wanting to be able to make everyone else happy.
B Getting to sleep on Christmas Eve. It’s just all too exciting!
C Accepting that this special time is all over in the blink of an eye. Nothing lasts forever.
D The public displays of affection and keeping track of the names of everyone you meet at parties.
E The singing, the squealing of girls and of boys,
It’s not the children I loathe, it’s the noise, noise, noise, NOISE!

8. How do you feel once it’s all over?
A Tired but happy, and looking forward to a new year.
B A little melancholy that all the magic is over for another year.
C Christmas is only part of the celebrations. I love the hygge aspect of it and enjoy the dark evenings until spring arrives.
D Exhausted, relieved and in need of a long lie down.
E Having carped about Christmas I will often admit
I find I rather like it, at least a small little bit

Now add up the numbers of As, Bs, Cs etc and scroll down to find out which Christmas character you are.

MOSTLY As Clarence Odbody, the imperfect Christmas fixer
Clarence Odbody is the angel (second class) from It’s a Wonderful Life. While a little way off being positively saintly, you do your best, and for you, this season is all about family, friends and the true meaning of Christmas. You love connecting with those close to you at this time of year. Remember to take some time just for you, though. There’s nothing wrong with a few frivolous pleasures and you deserve to be as happy as the people around you that you work so hard for.

MOSTLY Bs Clara from The Nutcracker, the bringer of the magic
A lover of the magic of Christmas, a little part of your Christmas self never progressed from being six years old – in a good way! The people you spend this time with value you for your never-ending enthusiasm, your unsurpassed mince pies and your wish to always ‘do things properly’ and immerse yourself in the seasonal spirit.

MOSTLY Cs The Snowman, the outdoorsy type
Raymond Briggs’ frosty creation, you feel a need to be out in nature at this time of year. You love the quiet and the dark perhaps more than all the gaudy baubles and lights indoors – and your ideal winter days are spent out in the fresh air noticing how nature persists, even in the coldest months. Your Christmas style can best be described as Hyggelig; a little bit Scandi and pared back, with greenery in abundance. Much as you enjoy the outdoors, you still love coming back to the warmth of your home and gazing into the fire.

MOSTLY Ds John McClane, hero of Die Hard, the festive triumpher over adversity
It’s fair to say John McClane (played by Bruce Willis) doesn’t have an easy Christmas Eve. You might also feel as though the festivities are an insurmountable task and events always seem to conspire against you at this time of year (albeit with less gunfire). Remember you don’t have to take on every task that gets thrown your way; it’s fine to delegate or just decide not everything is getting done. No one will notice (assuming you’re not in a hostage situation like John, of course).

MOSTLY Es The Grinch, the humbug who, secretly, quite likes it all
You find the festive season a bit much and the irritation of it all can bring out your mischievous side. Whatever the reason why, we’d hazard a guess that, unlike the Grinch, it’s not that your heart is two sizes too small. Find the bits of Christmas that you love and throw yourself into them, whether that’s country walks, a phone call with an old friend, or sitting down with a new book. Once the festivities are over, you’ll likely find that, actually, you had a lovely time.

More festive fun for you…

From our December issue…

Game: Charlie and the Chocolate Factory Puzzler

Match the children who visited the factory to their grisly, confectionery fates

Here’s a little brainteaser for Easter. Five children won Golden Tickets to visit Willy Wonka’s chocolate factory in Roald Dahl’s Charlie and the Chocolate Factory. But can you match the child to their fate in the plot? Scroll down for the solution.

1 Augustus Gloop

2. Verruca Salt

3. Mike Teavee

4. Violet Beauregarde

5. Charlie Bucket

a) Becomes a giant blueberry

b) Inherits the factory

c) Is declared to be a ‘bad nut’ by the squirrels in the nut room and thrown down a rubbish chute

d) Falls into the chocolate river and is sucked up the pipe into the fudge room’s mixing machine

e) Is shrunk by a miniaturisation machine and then stretched back in the gum stretching room, but leaves the factory 10 feet tall.

In our April issue, our Outing feature is all about chocolate. While you sadly can’t visit Willy Wonka’s chocolate factory yourself, you can visit the Cadbury factory (pictured above) that inspired Dahl. Just don’t go drinking from the chocolate river.

Get hold of your copy of this month's The Simple Things - buy, download or subscribe

Answers: 1d; 2c; 3e; 4a; 5b

More from our April issue…

Chocolatey recipes for big kids…

Think: Discover your dosha

In September's The Simple Things we meet Sebastian Pole, herbalist, tea-maker and co-founder of Pukka who turned his fascination with herbs into one of the biggest do-you-good cuppa brands, learning a few life lessons along the way. Read the interview on page 32. 

Try Pukka’s quiz to discover your dosha, designed to help you understand more about yourself, what’s good for you and what’s not. It's an amazing way to find out more about who you are and provides tips for your own personal health and happiness – including ways in which you can sleep better.

The theory behind the quiz comes from ancient wisdom that has passed down for centuries in India, through a system known as Ayurveda, which actually means ‘the art of living wisely’.

To start you have to find out what your ‘dosha’ or body-mind type is, you’ll then be able to know what helps you thrive the most; what foods to eat, what exercises are best for you and what relationship types of other body/mind types suit you best. It even gives an insight into how each different type typically responds to the need for sleep. In essence, it brings you special insight about your health, informing your choices and decisions that you make everyday.

Following the wisdom of Ayurveda there are said to be three constitutional types; “wind (vata), fire (pitta) and water (kapha). They destroy or maintain the body, according to whether they are sick or healthy.”

We all want to be healthy so that we have the best chance to enjoy and fulfil our potential in life. But excellent health seems to be such a complicated subject that it is not always easy to know how to achieve this holy grail. Although at first it might appear an alien concept, understanding your constitutional dosha goes a long way in helping you to realise your perfect health.

In Ayurveda your personal constitution is known as prakriti, which means ‘nature’, as in your inherent genetic type. Ayurveda teaches us how to find out what our constitution is by observing who we are and how we feel. And this lesson is a very simple and enriching one. As you learn what your real nature is you can live a truly authentic life – a life that suits you and allows your health to flourish.

This quiz will give you an example of your current state of health. The result you get after the test gives you an idea about how balanced your health is at the moment. You will probably be a mix of each of the dosha but it is likely that one will dominate. You have to be something. Each of the dosha have some advantages and some disadvantages. By following the recommendations appropriate for your constitution, Ayurveda can help you fulfill your potential and to be really comfortable in who you are.

So, if you feel inspired, run through the quiz questions to determine your Ayurvedic constitution...and Pukka will send you some life-changing insights every now and then that will add clarity and colour to your life.

To discover your dosha, head to the Pukka site to take the quiz...

More from the September issue:

More Wisdom posts:

Get hold of your copy of this month's The Simple Things - buy, download or subscribe

View the sampler here

Wicca quiz: Which witch are you?

The witches we tend to think of are the stuff of cliche. As followers of wicca continue to grow, we ask 'which witch are you?' in this fun quiz.

For a fun way to discover your true witchy nature and to help identify magical areas of interest, try this simple quiz. Just count the letter you ticked the most and read on to see what kind of witch you are. 1) YOU OFTEN MAKE WISHES: a) At night under a full moon b) When you’re cooking up a storm in the kitchen c) By lighting a candle d) When you’re out in the garden

2) WHICH THREE WORDS BEST DESCRIBE YOUR PERSONALITY? a) Sensitive, creative, and intuitive b) Warm, generous, and caring c) Spontaneous, passionate, and enthusiastic d) Practical, mystical, and earthy

3) TO DE-STRESS, YOU: a) Take a stroll by the sea with the one you love b) Get together with friends and family for a feast c) Don your party dress and tear up the dance floor d) Go for a picnic in the woods

4) WHICH OF THESE WORKSHOPS WOULD YOU BE DRAWN TO? a) Astrology b) Everyday spellcraft c) Fire-walking d) Holistic remedies

5) TO GIVE YOURSELF A CONFIDENCE BOOST BEFORE A BIG EVENT, YOU: a) Focus on your breathing b) Remind yourself how amazing you are c) Do some exercise d) Make a soothing herbal brew

6) WHAT’S YOUR FAVOURITE TYPE OF RESTAURANT? a) A seafood restaurant b) A traditional all-American diner c) A tapas restaurant d) A French bistro

7) YOUR FAVOURITE MYTHOLOGICAL CREATURE IS: a) A werewolf b) A griffin c) A dragon d) A unicorn

8) WHICH QUALITY IS MOST IMPORTANT TO YOU IN A RELATIONSHIP? a) Romance b) Honesty c) Passion d) Friendship

9) YOU’RE AT YOUR HAPPIEST WHEN YOU ARE: a) Sitting out under the stars at night b) Decorating your boudoir c) Gazing into an open fire d) Learning something new

Mostly As MOON WITCH

A sensitive soul who finds it easy to empathise with others, you’re a Moon Witch at heart. Most at home under the stars, you have a vivid imagination. You’re drawn to rituals that involve the phases of the moon and the planets, and you have a natural aptitude for astrology. Bodies of water also fascinate you, and you find it easy to relax by the sea. You’re at your most powerful during the moon’s waxing phase (when it gets bigger), so use this time to manifest the things you want, and to inspire others.

Mostly Bs KITCHEN WITCH

Warm and kind-hearted, you love to put a smile on people’s faces. Most at home when you’re rustling up a sumptuous meal,you’re a true KitchenWitch. You know the power that you have at your fingertips, and how to use everyday items and ingredients to achieve your magical aims. Wise and knowledgeable, you easily draw people to you, which means you’re constantly on call for advice.You have a natural flair for flavours and putting things together to create a masterpiece. Because of this, you’ll be an adept spell–creator and–caster.

Mostly Cs ELEMENTAL WITCH

Fiery and passionate, you’re a changeable soul ruled by your emotions, so you’ll make an excellent Elemental Witch. You embrace new things, and have an adventurous streak.You’ll probably find that the weather affects your moods. You’re vibrant, confident, and in tune with your body, and have an immense amount of energy, which you put to good use. Fast action suits you, so you’ll naturally be drawn to fire and candle magic. You’re at your most powerful when you’re taking the lead, and, like the flames of a fire, you easily light up a room.

MOSTLY DS HEDGE WITCH

A true earth mother,you feel a deep connection to nature, which makes you the perfect Hedge Witch. With a broad knowledge of plants and herbs, you’ll love getting your hands dirty. An excellent communicator with strong creative skills, you have a natural way with words. You’re adept at most types of healing; spells, charms, brews, and potions fascinate you, and you’re constantly gathering information. A keen interest in folklore means that you enjoy mixing old traditions with new ideas. You feel most at home outdoors, and at your most powerful when surrounded by wildlife and cocooned by trees.

Read more about wicca on page 80 of October 2014's The Simple Things. Buy or download now.

Quiz extracted from The Beginner's Guide to Wicca by Kirsten Riddle, CICO Books.