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Photography: Jonathan Cherry

Photography: Jonathan Cherry

Make | a pumpkin beer keg

Iona Bower October 31, 2023

Because there’s lots more fun to be had with a pumpkin than just carving it

Fancy making this pumpking beer keg as a centrepiece for your own pumpkin party or Halloween celebrations? Of course you do! You’re only human! Inserting a spigot into a hollowed-out pumpkin will transform it into a keg that’ll give your favourite tipple a subtle flavour and keep it cool till pumpkin time.

You will need

Pumpkin Knife
Spoon
Ruler
Spigot (tap)
Sharpie
Drill
Seasonal beer

1 Cut off the crown of the pumpkin and set aside. Scoop out all of the pumpkin seeds (save the seeds to toast later if you wish). 
2 After measuring the diameter of your spigot, select a drill bit 2mm smaller so your spigot will fit snugly and be ‘beer tight’. 
3 Mark and drill a hole towards the base of the pumpkin. Insert the spigot into the hole. 
4 Fill with seasonal beer and replace the crown. 
5 Allow to infuse for a couple of hours and enjoy. 

This make was first featured in our Pumpkin Party ‘Gathering’ in our October 2019 issue, with recipes by Bex Long, including beetroot raita, parsnip soup, acorn squash with chermoula dressing, sausage rolls, kale, walnut and pomegranate salad and more. It’s so autumnal it’s enough to burnish your conkers. You can buy a copy of the back issue from our online store.

Get hold of your copy of this month's The Simple Things - buy, download or subscribe

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In Making Tags halloween, autumn, pumpkin, pumpkins, October, issue 88, pumpkin craft
Comment
Am I Overthinking This? by Michelle Rial (Chronicle Books)

Am I Overthinking This? by Michelle Rial (Chronicle Books)

October | a final thought

Iona Bower October 22, 2019

A cartoon from our back cover to cheer your day

We’re seeing off our October issue today. All the pumpkins, spooky stories, toffee apples and tea have made us feel properly autumnal. We hope you’ve enjoyed it, too. Our November ‘Cosy’ issue will be snuggling up on supermarket shelves this week so do pop out and buy a copy.

Meanwhile, please enjoy this cartoon from our October back cover.

Get hold of your copy of this month's The Simple Things - buy, download or subscribe

More from our October issue…

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In Chalkboard Tags issue 88, back cover, cartoon, fun
1 Comment
Photography: Alamy

Photography: Alamy

Build your own spooky story

Iona Bower October 19, 2019

Frighten friends and freak out family with your own spooky story

If you love a scary tale, especially at this time of year, why not try penning your own? How hard can it be, after all*? To show you just how easy it is, we asked author and creative writing tutor Susan Elliot Wright to help us put together this Spooky Story Kit. Simply choose one beginning, one ending and five scary elements from below, string them together with a few verbs and conjunctions and Bob’s your Uncle (and The Bride of Frankenstein’s your Aunt). Go!

Beginnings (choose one)

  1. She had thought the house was empty as she pushed open the creaking door…

  2. Four hundred years after her death, Esmerelda sat up in her coffin…

  3. A mile or two into the forest road, Roger Peebles’ car choked to a halt. He had run out of petrol…


Endings (choose one)

  1. And that would be the last the town saw of those vampires, for now at least.

  2. He put the knife back where he had found it. No one would ever know he had been there at all.

  3. But the rats continued to run.


Scary Elements to add to your story’s sandwich filling

  1. An electric light that doesn’t work. Characters may pull on it frantically and pointlessly. 

  2. A crow. Particularly one with beady eyes or a malformed foot or two.

  3. A rocking chair that rocks of its own accord. Just a little bit too quickly and silently to have been set off by a human.

  4. A clown. Not a funny one though. A malign-looking, silent one, preferably seen from a distance. 

  5. Long corridors (they really should be <very> long, and also shadowy to allow plenty of opportunity for evil to skulk in their corners).

  6. The distant sound of a weeping woman that can’t be located. The listener should ideally dash from room to room, with the noise of weeping becoming  louder and quieter again at random. 

  7. A face at the window of a house. The protagonist should not be able to locate the room the face appeared in once inside the property. 

  8. Some things that ‘go’ when no one has set them off: a television, a gramophone, a slightly manic-looking wind-up toy monkey bashing cymbals together.

  9. Something seen from the corner of one’s eye, only fleetingly. It should move swiftly and be gone when the protagonist whirls round (one never simply turns in spooky stories).

  10. A deserted institution. An asylum is ideal but hospitals, churches and prisons are all good. Any building that would once have been bustling and may hide dark secrets. 

  11. Any child’s toy in the wrong context. A rag doll that appears in someone’s home and has never been seen before. A doll’s house in an abandoned home. Any mechanical toy that moves of its own accord. 

*It’s quite a bit harder than we have made this sound, actually.

Susan Elliot Wright loves a spooky story. Her latest novel, The Flight of Cornelia Blackwood (Simon and Schuster) features some rather spooky crows, of which she is a big fan. For more of her writing tips and advice on getting published visit susanelliotwright.co.uk.  For some more spooky inspiration, have a read of our feature Dare To Be Scared for ideas on paranormal outings you can do in a day (p80).

Get hold of your copy of this month's The Simple Things - buy, download or subscribe

If you enjoy a good mystery, don’t miss our November issue, in which we will be announcing the winner of our competition to write the ending for a murder mystery penned by Sophie Hannah. We'll be publishing Sophie’s own ending to the story (and the rest of it too, so you can enjoy it all in one go) here on the blog later in the month.




More from our October issue…

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In Think Tags issue 88, OCtober, spooky, October, writing, create, creativity, ghosts, halloween
Comment
Photography: Joseph Ford

Photography: Joseph Ford

Camouflage | a short primer

Iona Bower October 16, 2019

Now you see me… now you don’t


We tend to think of camouflage as matching one’s background. And indeed, this can be used to good effect, as seen in the picture above from Invisible Jumpers by Joseph Ford and Nina , published by Hoxton Mini Press (you can see more of these fabulous photographs in our October issue). 

But in the animal kingdom, it’s all a little more subtle and complex than this (and less knitted) and the theories of how camo works have been discussed by everyone from artists to zoologists for decades. Here are a few of the nifty tricks nature uses to make itself invisible. 


Countershading

Since the Cretaceous period, many animals have been darker on the top of their body and lighter on the underside (think about a shark with its dark back and white belly - it works just as well for predators as prey). When light falls from above on a 3D object of one shade the underside appears darker than the top because of the way shadows fall, giving the object a solid appearance. Countershading works against that, using shading to counterbalance light’s effects to make the object seem to disappear. 


Mimetic resemblance

This is the sort of camo we often think of first - those mad stick insects that look like leaves, moths that have wings that look just like bark. Devious little so-and-sos. 


Counter illumination

This is a bit subtler but seen from below, most marine animals are able to be seen because they have a dark silhouette against the water. Some, like the firefly squid, produce light from bioluminscent photophores on their undersides, which counteracts the effect of their dark silhouette making them harder to see.

Disruptive colouration

In layman’s terms, this is ‘splotchiness’, like on a leopard or a flatfish. The splotches make it harder to see the contours of the animal’s body.


Contour obliteration

Also known as ‘boundary disruption’. This makes the edges of an animal’s shape looks a bit roughed up so it’s harder to discern its body as a whole from its background. 


Concealment of the eye

By far our favourite camo trick. The eye can be a bit of a target for predators, as it stands out, so concealing it can be the difference between being a survivor and being dinner. Some animals have a dark band or stripe across the eye (like a raccoon) to hide the dark pupil, others have dark patches around the eye (pandas). While others still go for total misdirection, like some fish which have a fake ‘eye’ near the end of their tail and their real eyes are tiny and easily missed. Sneaky!


You can find more pictures of the fabulous knitted camo from Invisible jumpers in our October ‘Create’ issue. Get hold of your copy of this month's The Simple Things - buy, download or subscribe


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In Nature Tags nature, camouflage, animals, October, issue 88
Comment
Illustration: Zuza Misko

Illustration: Zuza Misko

Mythology | How the spider got eight legs

Iona Bower October 9, 2019

A little legend about one of our favourite creepy crawlies

There’s no doubt there’s something a bit special about spiders. In our October issue (in shops now), we are celebrating our eight-legged friends on our Magical Creatures page. But why did Mother Nature decide they needed quite so many legs? We suspect there’s a very scientific evolutionary answer, but we quite like this one...

The Greek myth of Arachne has several versions but Ovid told a slightly terrifying story about how the spider got eight legs.  

Arachne was a mortal woman, the daughter of a shepherd, and a top-notch weaver, but more than a little boastful regarding her skill. Foolishly, she began to boast that her weaving was better than that of the Goddess Athena, who overheard (as Gods are wont to) and popped to earth, disguised as an old lady to urge her to retract her claims in hopes the Gods would forgive her. 

Bumptious Arachne refused to say that her weaving was inferior to that of Athena’s and went one step further, in fact, saying that if Athena thought her weaving was so spectacular she should come to earth herself and join her in a weaving competition. Athena cast aside her old lady costume and they both began to weave. 

Athena’s weaving depicted contests between mortals and the Gods in which mortals were harshly punished for daring to set themselves against the Gods (an unsubtle hint of what was to come, but one Arachne chose to ignore). Arachne, meanwhile, ill-advisedly wove a picture showing the ways in which the Gods had abused mortals over the years. More inadvisedly still, her weaving turned out to be far superior than Athena’s.

Furious at both Arachne’s cheek and her talent, Athena struck her about the head three times and tore her work to pieces. Shamed and fearful, Arachne hanged herself.

Athena, who shows a frightening lack of moral compassion here, we must say, even for a Goddess, told her: "Live on then, and yet hang, condemned one, but, lest you are careless in future, this same condition is declared, in punishment, against your descendants, to the last generation!" She sprinkled her with some of Hecate’s poisonous herbs, at which point Arachne’s hair fell out, her nose fell off and her head and body shrank. Her talented weaver’s fingers stuck to her sides and became legs, which would spin thread from her belly for ever. 

The moral of the story? Keep your light under a bushel… unless you’re a Goddess with a bit of an anger problem. 

Get hold of your copy of this month's The Simple Things - buy, download or subscribe

More from our October issue…

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In magical creatures Tags issue 88, October, magical creatures, spiders, mythology, myth, spooky
Comment
Photography: Jacqui Melville

Photography: Jacqui Melville

Clever tips for tricky apples

Iona Bower October 5, 2019

How not to be beaten by bobbing or tricked by a toffee apple this season


We love an apple, but they’ve been causing trouble for millennia, what with tempting innocent folk going about their business in the garden of Eden, causing discord among Greek Gods and all sorts of trouble in Norse legend, too. 

And even today, if you’ve ever tried bobbing for apples or munching on a toffee apple at this time of year you’ll know they can be tricky customers. Here’s The Simple Things’ guide to getting one over on apples this autumn.

How to eat a toffee apple

Here’s how to avoid a very sticky face, sugar in one’s hair and the risk of dropping your toffee apple on the floor and it rolling into the bonfire…. 

Etiquette dictates that one should cut a toffee apple into slices and, indeed, this is the way to eat one if you wish to eliminate all the above risks. Take a sharp knife and a plate and simply slice the apple and remove the core as you would any ordinary (non-toffeed) apple and eat it in bite-sized slices.

The Simple Things method: Open your mouth as wide as possible and take a huge bite at the first pass, showering yourself with shards of sugar, getting sticky bits in your hair and dicing with a trip to the dentist. Because where is the fun, and what on earth is the point otherwise, we ask you.


How to succeed at apple bobbing

Any activity that involves getting wet, probably outside, at the end of October should be undertaken in a wetsuit really. But assuming you’re going to wing it in civvies (or a Halloween costume) here’s how the pros think you should proceed.

Don’t just randomly grab at apples with your mouth. You’ll get very wet. You need to think strategically here and go for one of two methods. Either look for an apple floating right way up with a prominent stalk and try to catch the stalk between your teeth (don’t bother with this method if you have a significant overbite), or pick an apple you’re going for and push it up against the side of the bowl using the bowl as leverage in order to sink your teeth into the apple.

The Simple Things method: Come dressed as a witch in a black bin liner, so the top half of your body is essentially waterproof. Don a swimming cap and nose clip. Take a deep breath and plunge your head into the water, using the bottom of the bowl to push against to get your teeth into the apple. Remove swimming cap and witch bin liner and emerge victorious. 

If you’re making your own toffee apples for Halloween (or just because) you might like to try the recipe for the toffee apples on twigs (above) from Apple by James Rich (Hardie Grant). You can find the recipe on p71 of our October Create issue or buy it in the link below.

Get hold of your copy of this month's The Simple Things - buy, download or subscribe


More from our October issue…

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In Eating Tags issue 88, apples, apple, toffee apple, autumn, bonfire night, halloween
Comment
Illustration: Kavel Rafferty

Illustration: Kavel Rafferty

How to | make an astronomy mirror

Iona Bower October 2, 2019

Go stargazing without straining your neck with this clever make

This make is fairly easy to put together and will provide you with hours of fun on a clear Autumn night. Head out with a Thermos and your guide to the night sky and see what you can spot.

You will need

A mirror, the bigger the better
Weather-proof sealant (optional)
Robust table or flat, stable surface large enough to hold the mirror
Binoculars
Planks of wood (one per viewer)
Clean pieces of cloth

1 Find a mirror and give it a clean so it’s as clear as possible. Treating the frame with weather-proof sealant can help it last longer.
2 Lay mirror onto your flat surface facing upwards. Secure in place.
3 Prop your plank against the mirror and wedge into place so it doesn’t move. Put your binoculars on top and angle so you can see the mirror.
4 Keep the mirror covered up until it’s dark, then use your binoculars to look at the reflection of the skies. Use a bit of cloth to wipe the mirror if it gets fogged up.
5 Make sure you take the mirror back inside or cover it up once you’re finished staring at the stars.

Find more makes, fun and facts on our Miscellany pages every issue.

Get hold of your copy of this month's The Simple Things - buy, download or subscribe


More from our October issue…

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In Miscellany Tags issue 88, October, miscellany, stargazing, how to
Comment
Photography: Ali Allen

Photography: Ali Allen

The lost art of squirreling away

Iona Bower September 28, 2019

Why we love a larder, and why you should, too

Somewhere in the last 50-or-so years, larders were lost and became a bit of a thing of the past. We probably all remember a grandparent or auntie who had a really decent larder. If you were lucky it was a proper cold room with shelves on all four sides, precariously stacked with tins, jars, packets and boxes. Otherwise it might have been an outhouse, or just a particularly big kitchen cupboard. Either way, they were a bit magic. A woman of a certain age could don a tabard, stick her head briefly inside the larder and - ta dah! - emerge with an armful of packets and tins from which a cake would appear, or a jelly filled with fruit, or simply a tin of cocoa powder and a packet of biscuits. 

But, as post-war kitchens became smaller and fridges ever bigger, the larder fell out of favour, no longer needed as we filled our American-style fridges with food that would last for days and freezers took more of the strain. 

However, in the last decade, larders have been having a moment again, with several big kitchen companies creating beautiful, freestanding larder-armoires, that open their capacious doors as if to hug you to the bosom of their dried goods and tins. And we’re not surprised. Because what is nicer than a larder?

We all aspire to the sort of larder stocked with home-bottled tomatoes, chutney from the allotment and jars of apples dried in a low oven (the sort of larder that calls for large Kilner jars and chalkboard labels). 

But all larders are a joy. The kind you can lean on one Thursday night when the supermarket shut just as you arrived and the fridge is bare, but just at the back of the larder is a packet of dry pasta, a jar of roasted peppers that came in a hamper at Christmas and a bottle of red, and suddenly dinner is saved. Or the sort of larder that seems to be full to the gunwales with flour, currants, rice and other utilitarian things, but you know that one rainy afternoon, if you have a bit of a dig about you will emerge, victorious, with the remains of a homemade fruit cake and a chocolate orange you hid from yourself for just such an occasion.

You don’t even need to have a larder to larder well. Got a shed? Give it a tidy and set up a small book shelf in there for your jars and tins. An outdoor bunker does the job equally well, with the addition of a small storage unit. A cupboard under the stairs makes a good larder, and means you don’t have to set foot outside in inclement weather. Or, for ultimate convenience, dedicate a cupboard in your kitchen to be a larder cupboard and feel the joy every time you open the door. Wherever you choose to create your larder, do make sure it’s mouse and bug proof (there’s nothing sadder than another creature stealing all your hard work). Once you’ve got your space sorted you can set about planning the contents.

There’s an art to squirreling away, you see. Some squirreling requires hard work and forward planning while other aspects require a bit of recklessness and a glint in your eye. You have to consider not only what you might need, but also what you might just fancy. October is prime squirreling time: you can use up the last of the summer gluts making jams, biscuits and other goodies that will cheer the winter months. In fact, we have some fabulous ideas for this from Rachel de Thample in our October issue, everything from marrow marmalade to homemade Worcestershire sauce. But it’s also a good time to stash away a fancy tin of biscuits, some posh chocolates (or maybe simply a Crunchie bar, just for you, hidden on the top shelf behind the butter beans, to be eaten under the duvet with a book on a sad, snowy Sunday). The Norwegians might say: ‘There’s no such thing as bad weather, only bad clothes’. We say ‘there’s no such thing as bad weather, only a badly prepared larder’. Get ready to hunker down. 

Our October issue has several recipes from Gifts from the Modern Larder: Homemade Presents to Make  and Give by Rachel de Thample (Kyle Books). Photography by Ali Allen. The ‘Create’ issue is in shops now.

Get hold of your copy of this month's The Simple Things - buy, download or subscribe

More things we love about October…

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In Eating Tags issue 88, October, larder, baking, food
2 Comments
DJ: Frances Ambler. Illustration: Anneliese Klos

DJ: Frances Ambler. Illustration: Anneliese Klos

Playlist | Songs about creativity

Iona Bower September 19, 2019

Pick up a pen, pick up a paintbrush. Listen at thesimplethings.com/blog/creativityplaylist

Get hold of your copy of this month's The Simple Things - buy, download or subscribe

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In playlist Tags playlist, october, issue 88
Comment
Image: Shutterstock

Image: Shutterstock

Competition | Design a Christmas gift tag

Iona Bower September 19, 2019

See your design printed for all readers of The Simple Things to enjoy

We know it’s only October and generally at The Simple Things we don’t like to even mention Christmas until at least after Bonfire Night. But this year we wanted to invite you to bring a bit of extra joy to the giving process by designing a gift tag for others to use and to share.

We’ll turn our favourite designs into a sheet of actual gift tags in the December issue so everyone can enjoy your handiwork.

How to enter

Download the gift tag template here.

You can print it and draw on it directly, or use a computer to help you design it, or any other creative means that you have at your fingertips.

Email us a PDF or jpeg of your design with your name and phone number to
thesimplethings@iceberg press.co.uk, marked Gift Tag Competition, or post it to The Simple Things, Iceberg Press, Exchange Workspace, 1 Matthews Yard, Off Surrey Street, Croydon, CR0 1UH. You have until 23 October. Good luck!

Get hold of your copy of this month's The Simple Things - buy, download or subscribe

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Photography: Jonathan Cherry. Recipe: Bex Long. Styling: Gemma Cherry

Photography: Jonathan Cherry. Recipe: Bex Long. Styling: Gemma Cherry

Recipe | Ginger snaps

Iona Bower September 19, 2019

Crunchy, spicy biscuits ideal for eating with pumpkin ice cream

Our October issue has a very special ‘gathering’ feature with recipes for a pumpkin party. It’s got everything from autumnal salads to a fabulously moreish sausage roll and even a pumpkin beer keg. But we have made a date to create the pumpkin ice cream sandwiches pictured above - sweet pumpkin ice cream squidged between ginger snaps and rolled in pistachios. Who says ice cream is for summer?

You can make them using any shop-bought ginger snaps but if you fancy going the whole hog, you can make the ginger snaps using the recipe below.

Ginger snaps

Makes 24

225g plain flour

1 tsp baking powder

1 tsp bicarbonate of soda

1 tbsp ground ginger

Pinch of salt

120g unsalted butter

120g caster sugar

5 tbsp (75g) golden syrup

1 Preheat oven to 180C/Fan 160C/Gas 4. Line 2 baking trays with greaseproof

paper.

2 Sift the flour, baking powder, bicarbonate of soda, ginger and salt into a large

bowl. Cut the butter into cubes and rub into the flour until the mixture

resembles fine breadcrumbs.

3 Stir in the sugar. Add the golden syrup and mix together well. Bring it all

together with your hands to make a smooth ball of dough.

4 Break off small walnut-sized pieces, roll into balls and place on the lined

baking trays. Allow space between each ball as they will spread during cooking.

5 Bake for 10-15 mins until the ginger snaps have spread and turned golden

brown.

6 Leave to cool for 5 mins on the baking trays before using a spatula to

carefully move them to wire racks to cool completely.


Don’t forget to buy the October ‘create’ issue for the rest of the recipes for our pumpkin party.

Get hold of your copy of this month's The Simple Things - buy, download or subscribe


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In Eating Tags issue 88, October, baking, biscuits, halloween, pumpkin, ice cream
Comment
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  Buy ,  download  or  subscribe   See the sample of our latest issue  here   Buy a copy of our latest anthology:  A Year of Celebrations   Buy a copy of  Flourish 2 , our wellbeing bookazine  Listen to  our podcast  - Small Ways to Live Well
Feb 27, 2025
Feb 27, 2025

Buy, download or subscribe

See the sample of our latest issue here

Buy a copy of our latest anthology: A Year of Celebrations

Buy a copy of Flourish 2, our wellbeing bookazine

Listen to our podcast - Small Ways to Live Well

Feb 27, 2025
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The Simple Things is published by Iceberg Press

The Simple Things

Taking time to live well

We celebrate slowing down, enjoying what you have, making the most of where you live, enjoying the company of of friends and family, and feeding them well. We like to grow some of our own vegetables, visit local markets, rummage for vintage finds, and decorate our home with the plunder. We love being outdoors and enjoy the satisfaction that comes with a job well done.

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