Lost arts | writing a nice, newsy letter

Why writing and posting a letter is a forgotten pleasure

Do you remember the last time you received a letter from a friend? We bet you do, mainly because it’s such a rare thing these days. We bet you kept it, too, and reread it several times. We live in a world of texts, emails and (worse) texts that contain only emojis, which frankly, we think of as a crime against semi colons and brackets that ought to be punishable by law. 

So among all this, a letter you can unfold and hold, with actual ink, a recognisable hand, is something to treasure. 

We’ve resolved to write to friends more often, rather than sending those quick texts and emails, and are hoping to spread a little of that old-school joy of receiving a letter as well as enjoy the time spent on our own, penning it.

Here are a few tips on how to write a really good letter and enjoy every moment of it.

1. Make the writing of a letter an event. Take your pens and paper to a coffee shop or library, or find a corner of the house or garden to escape to, and make sure  you have a good hour free. You don’t have to finish the letter. Many of the best letters are written across a number of days with charming additions and edits marked on as you go. Lovely. 

2. Get out your posh pens and paper (and pencil case, too, if you like). Nice things make the experience even more pleasurable and a lovely pen and some nice heavy paper or an interesting card to write in will ensure you use your very best handwriting, too. 

3. Once you’ve assembled your tools and got yourself a cup of something steaming, you’re ready to write. Begin by setting out your reason for writing - you don’t want anyone panicking and suspecting there’s bad news to impart. Your reason for writing could be as simple as ‘I’ve decided to write more letters this year, and you’re my first victim!’

4. Draw up a mental list of things you want to tell your friend. Ask yourself what you’d tell her if you phoned her and she asked what you’d been up to. It’s easy to feel a bit self-conscious writing all this down without the usual conversational to and fro you have in a phone call or face-to-face conversation but go with it and it will start to feel more natural.

5. You’ll discover your natural written tone as you go but write in ‘your voice’. Use the expressions and words you would use in everyday conversation. Letters to friends should feel intimate but never formal. 

6. Don’t feel limited by the bounds of convention - little illustrations and diagrams will raise a smile and help as set the scene, whether it’s a comical drawing of the look on the bus driver’s face when you tried to pay using your library card, or a diagram of the parking wars battlefield raging on your street. Footnotes, asides and postscripts all add fun and texture to a letter, too. 

7. Don’t forget to include questions to your friend. This isn’t all about Me, Me, Me, remember. Let your imagination run a bit wild. It’s polite to ask after her health, job and family, but why not ask what book she’s reading now, whether she can recommend anything on TV, or simply which dead kings and queens she would invite to a fantasy dinner party. 

8. Sign off enthusiastically. Lots of love is better than ‘best wishes’. But a ‘Yours, from HMP Holloway is always funny (unless of course it’s true). If you really like the friend, why not slip a small bar of chocolate in before sealing the envelope? (Or a visitor’s pass?)

We were inspired to write this blog by a piece in our August ‘Pause’ issue, from The Way Home: Tales From a Life Without Technology by Mark Boyle (Oneworld). Mark, who is pictured above, decided to build a cabin on his smallholding and avoid technology (so no phone calls, emails or texts). He spends every Sunday evening writing replies to all the letters he receives during the week.

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Nostalgia | Forgotten bakery goods

The joy of a good bakery, like the joy of a good bookshop, never ages. They might have become more artisan, more European, more generally fancy, but at the heart of a good bakery is that same ‘nose-pressed-to-the-glass, nostrils heady with the scent of sugar feeling that captured us as children, eyes like dinner plates and hands ready to grab. 

In our August issue, we’ve featured a few of the most inspiring bakeries in the world, taken from Europe’s Best Bakeries by Sarah Guy. And we have to say it’s an awe-inspiring collection, including The Earth’s Crust Bakery at Castle Douglas, pictured above. It took us right back to our earliest memories of bakeries, and - we’re going to give away our age here - we’ve collated below a few of our favourite classic bakery goods. There’s nothing civilised about most of them. Each is a frivolous carb- and sugar-fuelled mini feast. Exactly as it should be. 

Join us on a trip down memory lane. And leave us a comment at the end of the blog reminding us of any bakery goods you enjoyed as a child that we might have forgotten…

Traffic light biscuits

Oh the indulgence! Two shortbread biscuits sandwiched together, the top with three tempting holes cut out, through which oozed not one, nor two but THREE differently coloured fruit curds (red, yellow and green obviously). We still have no idea what flavour each colour was meant to denote. Presumably strawberry, lemon and… erm… lime? Apple? Green flavour? It matters not. The point was that buttery shortbread crumbling beneath your gappy-toothed bite and nearly falling to the floor, but for the curd that kept it safely anchored to the main biscuit. 

Nest cakes

Mysteriously sold all year round, these Easter treats were usually assembled from Cornflakes or Shredded Wheat, crushed and mixed with melted chocolate, dolloped into paper cases and decorated with tiny eggs. And none of your posh Mini Eggs of today, oh no. These eggs were of the 1980s ‘pure sugar, encased in a shell, again of pure sugar’ variety. Just looking at them made your teeth ache. What’s not to love?

Ice cream cone ‘cakes’

We struggled to remember what the deal was here but we remember jealously coveting them, that’s for sure. Askey’s wafer cones, filled with some sort of sticky sugary goo, that bonded any two surfaces quicker than Bostick. We think it was meant to represent ice-cream. The whole thing was topped with Hundreds and Thousands  - the proper sugar strands, not your modern, ball-style nonsense. We clearly remember that they were created in a rainbow colourway, with multicolured sugar strands atop a pink sugar goo and there was also a chocolate version, with a chocolate goo topped with only dark chocolate sugar strands (for the more classy and discerning eight-year-old, presumably). 

Iced fingers

Take off the icing and you basically have a plain, unassuming roll, but lined up in the bakery window, iced fingers were pure joy. There’s something deliciously simple (and almost unashamedly cheeky) about icing a plain bread roll and calling it a cake. We admire this. 

Meringue ghosts

Not just for Halloween, these crumbly creatures of the night seemed to be on bakery shelves all year round. Swirls of wonky meringue with chocolate drop eyes and a demeanour that would terrify an apple puff. 

Sticky buns

We’re taking a very specific type of sticky here. Not your average iced bun (we’ve covered those), and not a Chelsea bun either (no glace cherries here). Proper sticky buns were simple fruit buns made sticky with some sort of mysterious glaze and tiny crystals of sugar that were inexplicably perfect cube shapes. What WERE those things? Anyway, inexplicably sticky buns were a classic and have somehow not been the same in the last 30 years at least. And we still don’t know where that mad square sugar came from. Intriguing!

Do leave us memories of your forgotten bakery goods below. We can’t wait to read them. Pick up our August issue to read more about some of the best bakeries in the world.

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Make | Beer Can-dles

A fun make to entertain you all while camping (and make you look like Bear Grylls, too)

We loved these sweet candles made from beer cans from our August camping feature so much we had to share them here, too.

You will need:

Empty beer cans
Corrugated cardboard
Saved candle stubs and/or bunch of old candles
A barbecue or firepit
Old saucepan
Stirring stick
Chopping board
Knife
Scissors

How to make:

1 Using scissors, carefully cut beer cans to a height of 5cm. Keep the base of the can; recycle the top bit.

2 Cut 5cm strips of corrugated cardboard. Roll up the cardboard strips until they are roughly the same diameter as a can. Wedge the roll as tightly as possible inside the can base. Using scissors, prise a small hole in the centre of the cardboard roll. Poke a small piece of cardboard into the hole to create a ‘wick’.

3 Set a small fire in your firepit or barbecue. Chop your candles into small pieces and add them to an old saucepan. Melt the candles over a small fire until they are liquid wax, stirring regularly with a twig or stick.

4 Very carefully, pour the hot liquid wax over the cardboard rolls. Keep pouring slowly until the wax reaches the top of the beer can. Wait for a few minutes for the cardboard to soak up the hot wax and then top-up each beer can until it’s full to overflowing.

5 Allow the wax to cool completely and go solid before use. When it’s dark, light the ‘wick’ with a match. Beer can-dles burn for up to two hours and should only be used outdoors and attended.

Pick up the August issue for all the other ideas from our Under Canvas feature, from blueberry pancakes to shell garlands.

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Geography corner | Clipsham stone

Learn something new with our one-minute Geography primer

Question: What links Parliament, Windsor Castle, York Minster and a market town in Lincolnshire? 

Answer: Clipsham Stone. 

All three iconic buildings, as well as the Lincolnshire market town of Stamford, were built using the beautiful, honey-coloured Clipsham Stone. 

Clipsham is similar to Bath stone in that it’s an oolotic* limestone formed in the Jurassic era. It’s produced in an area around the village of Clipsham (yep, clue’s in the name) in Rutland, and the stone is known for its resilience, particularly in the acidic conditions of large cities, where smog might damage other stones. Parliament was originally built from Anston limestone from West Yorkshire but it was later replaced with the more hardy Clipsham stone, picked to be able to stand up to London’s sulphurous emissions from all the factories and houses. 

Clipsham has been used in many Oxford Colleges and other notable buildings, but its earliest use was for the building of Windsor castle between 1363 and 1368. It was also used for the beautiful honeyed Georgian buildings of Stamford, home to many a British costume drama. It’s said Colin Firth lived on a diet of Clipsham stone in the early nineties.**

In our August issue, you can take a virtual tour of Stamford in our ‘My Neighbourhood’ piece. We think you’ll be searching out local B&Bs quicker than we can say ‘early Autumn weekend break’. Enjoy!

*Oolots are small, egg-shaped grains that form by gradually building up layers, the same way hailstones do.

** It isn’t.

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Crabbing for grown-ups

Get your claws into this most summery of seaside activities

Summer time-wasting shouldn’t be the preserve of children. Rockpooling, building sandcastles and climbing trees are all noble pursuits that every adult should have the pleasure of indulging in, too. And there’s little more fun that grabbing a bucket and a line and going crabbing. Here’s how to do it properly.

Crabbing kit:

A bucket

A line (you can buy proprietary crabbing lines in most buckets-and-spades shops by the sea but any bit of string or line will do. You can add your own bag for putting bait in using an old washing tablet bag, washed out and something tied on for a weight). Never use a line with a hook on.

Some tasty crab bait. Bacon is good - they especially love the rind - or sardines

A net 

A lovely picnic lunch 

A friend (optional)

Where to go crabbing

Crabs like tidal waters and you need somewhere you can drop your line easily, such as a quayside. A nice spot where you can sit and dangle your legs over the harbour wall is always lovely. If you’re likely to get over-excited, look for a location with a waist-height wall that might prevent you enjoying a wild swim on the same day. 

Check locally that crabbing is allowed or ask the harbour master so you don’t irritate local fishermen.

How to crab well

1. Pop down to the water’s edge with your bucket and fill the bucket with sea water. Crabs do not like tap water.

2. Add a couple of big rocks and a bit of seaweed, if you can find it, to give the crabs a bit of shade and somewhere to hide while they’re in your bucket. Keep the bucket in shade while you have the crabs in there, too. 

3. Tie some bait onto your line or put it in the net bag. Large bacon lardons are crab favourites, particularly the rindy bits.

4. Drop your line into the water, sit down and make yourself comfortable. 

5. If you feel any tugging, very gently pull up your line. If you can see any crabs hanging on enjoying a snack, scoop your net underneath them so they don’t drop off and transfer them to your bucket.

6. Never have more than ten crabs in the bucket at the time - they get on each others’ nerves a bit. If any start fighting, put them back in at once. 

7. When you’ve got a few in there you can sit down and watch them scuttling around sideways, peering out at you and generally getting on with their crabby business. They’re fascinating crustaceany creatures. You can give them names, pick them up, either with one finger on the top of the shell and one on the bottom, or holding them either side of the shell, to have a good look at them, and get to know them a bit better, but obviously be gentle and don’t have them hanging about in your hands too long.

8. Try not to leave your crabs in the bucket longer than ten minutes. When it’s time to put them back always go down to the water’s edge. Throwing them over the quayside will stress them out and they could even be hurt. At the water’s edge, tip them out gently onto the sand or rocks and watch them scuttle back into the water. 

9. Change your water before dropping your line again to ensure there’s plenty of oxygen in it for your next catch.

Gone Crabbing is a shop in Burnham Deepdale, Norfolk, which has a useful crabbing guide on its website. you by Googling ‘where to go crabbing near me’. You’ll be surprised how many spots there are at your nearest stretch of coast or estuary. 

In our August issue, we are appreciating the crab in our regular Magical Creatures slot. Pick up a copy in shops now. And if all that crabbing has made you hungry, we have a delicious recipe for crab burgers in the same issue. Probably best to buy your crab meat locally. It seems rude to eat something you’ve shared a pleasant afternoon with. 

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Get to know | aubergines

Photography: Sasha Gil

Because this purple veg box staple has been a stranger too long

You might think you know all there is to know about aubergines, but we’d warrant you are wrong. This large purple BERRY (yes, who knew?) brings a little med cheer to any summer dining table or barbecue, and we thought we’d share a few little known facts about it.

1 So, yes, it’s a berry, botanically speaking, but one of the nightshade family, like potatoes and tomatoes. Technically nightshades are poisonous but you’d have to eat an awful lot of the aubergines themselves and the leaves to do yourself any harm beyond a mild tummy ache brought on my overindulgence.

2 At various times aubergines have been believed to cause madness. In 13th-Century Italy it was believed to tip people into insanity and in India in the 19th Century it was noted that madness was more common in summer when aubergines were in season… Nothing to do with the heat, then?

3 Aubergines contain more nicotine than any other plant (with the possible exception of the tobacco plant). However, they aren’t dangerous, or even addictive (though they are very moreish, we find).

4 Aubergines consist of 95% water and half their volume is air.

5 Traditionally, in China, as part of her dowry, a woman must have at least 12 aubergine recipes at her fingertips before her wedding day. This sounds eminently sensible to us, unless you like to eat a LOT of ratatouille. 

The picture above is of Miso-Caramel Aubergines from Jackfruit & Blue Ginger (Murdoch Books), recipe and photography by Sasha Gill. You can find the recipe in our August issue, which is on sale now.

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How to | win at outdoor Scrabble

Get your game face on. Here’s how to win with words this summer

We do love a board game here at The Simple Things, and we see no reason not to continue playing board games just because the warmer weather is here. Weren’t the best days at school those summer days when you were allowed to take your work outside onto the field, after all? 

So gather up your scrabble, Cluedo and Monopoly and take them out into the garden. A bit of fresh air should inspire your gaming brain and if you’re lucky, the sun will addle your competitors’ brains, giving you the edge.

To give you a headstart on all the fun, we’ve collated the highest scoring words of every length in Scrabble. Learn these off by heart and don’t tell any of your gaming competitors. 

Nine letters

An EXOENZYME is an enzyme that is secreted by a cell and functions outside of that cell. On the Scrabble board (without any double or triple letter word scores, even) it will win you 30 points.

Eight letters

SOVKHOZY - the plural for a state-owned farm in Russia. Earns 30 points. 

Seven letters* 

The highest scoring seven-letter word in Scrabble is MUZJIKS. The word refers to Russian peasants, particularly pre-1917 and scores 29 points. 

Six letters

Slightly disappointingly, the highest score achievable is for MUZJIK (see seven letters), which scores 28. If you feel that’s too much like cheating you could try QUACKY for 24 points.

Five letters

ZIPPY (as in speedy) will score you 21 points (and get rid of that tricky ‘z’. 

Four letters

Cleverly, QUIZ earns 22 points, giving you more bang for your buck with four letters than you could earn with five!

Three letters

You’ll score 19 points with ZAX, which is a tool for trimming and puncturing roof slates. So now you know.

Two letters

Both ZA and QI will score you 11 points with only two tiles. We were suspicious about ‘za’. Apparently, it’s a shortened term for ‘pizza’, which sounds highly dubious to us, but it is in fact in the Scrabble dictionary. Qi (pronounced ‘chee’) is, of course, the vital force that is inherent in all things, according to Chinese wisdom. You can add an ‘s’ to both Za and Qi, too, and it wouldn’t be qi-ting at all!

*Don’t forget if you play all seven of your tiles at once you earn an additional 50 points. 

If you’re really struck by the idea of outdoor board games, buy our August ‘Pause’ issue, which has instructions on p124 for making your own giant outdoor Scrabble set.

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Seaside recipe | prawn skewers

Because nothing says ‘beach lunch’ like crustaceons and crusty bread

Whether you’re heading to the coast this weekend or gathering friends in the garden, these hot, citrusy, umami prawns will be a welcome addition to the table, the picnic rug or the sand.

Makes 8

2 garlic cloves, crushed
Juice of ½ lime
3 tbsp olive oil
2 tbsp honey
½ red chilli, finely chopped
350g unpeeled, precooked prawns, fresh or frozen (if frozen, fully defrosted)
2 limes, quartered

1 Add the crushed garlic, lime juice, olive oil, honey and red chilli to a large bowl, whisk together. Add the prawns, toss to coat and leave to marinate for 15 mins.
2 Thread the prawns onto the skewers and add a lime quarter to each. Keep remaining marinade to brush on to the skewers during cooking.
3 On a griddle pan over a medium heat or on a barbecue, cook each side for 1–2 mins, brushing with any extra marinade. Serve immediately.

These skewers are just part of our Seafood and Sandcastles menu featured in our August issue, where you’ll find all the recipes. If you’d like to also try the barbecue nachos, crab burgers, delicious salads and messy Eton mess, you can pick up a copy in the shops today. We guarantee you’ll be the envy of the whole stretch of sand (even if your sandcastles aren’t up to much).

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Mpre recipes for barbecue days…

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July | a final thought

This post is our last for the July ‘embrace’ issue. Hopefully you’re fully embracing summer now, relishing every moment and looking forward to some slow time just for you over the next few weeks.

Above is the illustration from our back cover. We hope it made you smile. And here’s a haiku we penned as an ode to June. As always, we would love to hear yours. Write your own in the comments below or leave it for us on Facebook, Twitter or Instagram. Five, seven, five, remember. We’ll send a lovely book to the author of our favourite.

New books to be read, 

Sands to tread, tastes to try.

Holidays are here.

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Science | why lavender calms

We all know that our lavenders blue (dilly dilly) make us feel a bit sleepy, but why?

The scent of lavender has long been used to make us feel relaxed or sleepy. And apparently, it’s not only the association with vast fields in Provence, swaying in a purple haze. Nope. Lavender’s benefits have proper scientific roots. 

It’s all to do with linalool, a fragrant alcohol found in lavender extract. Researchers at Kagoshima University in 2018 found that mice exposed to the smell showed fewer signs of anxiety. 

Linalool interacts with the neurotransmitter (or chemical messenger), GABA (gamma aminobutyric acid), to quieten the brain and nervous system, which makes the whole body feel more relaxed. 

However, while the effects of lavender on the brain were accepted, until recently, it was not known what the ‘sites of action’ (where it got in) were of linalool.

The Kagoshima experiment found that mice who had no sense of smell did not experience the same anti-anxiety effects when sniffing lavender as mice that could smell, thus proving that the effect of linalool is on the olfactory neurons in the nose, rather than on the bloodstream via the lungs, as previously thought. 

So, once the smell hits the olfactory neurons, messages are sent via long ‘wires’ to neurons in a part at the front of the brain called the ‘olfactory bulb’, which also stores memories and emotion. From here, GABA gets involved and when GABA attaches to a protein in your brain known as a GABA receptor, it produces a calming effect. Messages are sent to various parts of the nervous system, relaxing the entire body. 

If you’ve not found all that information terribly relaxing, you might want to just pop a few drops of lavender essential oil on your pillow. Or why not pick up a copy of our July ‘Embrace’ issue, which has a feature by Lia Leendertz on recipes that use foraged lavender. We particularly like the lavender and blueberry buns. One of them is enough to relax us right into a nice nap of an afternoon.

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Reader offer | The Simple Things Holiday

Make your own way on a food-themed walking tour from The Simple Things and Inntravel

You’ll follow scenic self-guided walks, meet award-winning producers on guided visits by local food experts and eat dinner at some of the area’s best restaurants. This short break from ‘slow holiday’ company Inntravel is rather special, featuring a mixture of leisurely discovery, beautiful scenery, welcoming accommodation and regional cuisine. It savours all that is great about the North York Moors and Howardian Hills – the corner of the county that Inntravel is proud to call home. A group holiday this is not – the four-night itinerary is self-guided, meaning you can book, tailor and enjoy this short break with the companions and dates you choose. Your bags are transported for you, leaving you free to enjoy the delights unencumbered.

WHAT’S THE PLAN?

DAY ONE Rievaulx to Harome: 13km (8 miles), 3.5hrs From The Pheasant Hotel in Harome, visit the village of Rievaulx and its magnificent ruined abbey, then strike out along part of the Cleveland Way to Helmsley. This market town, with a ruined medieval castle and pretty, walled garden, also boasts some excellent indie shops, tearooms and pubs. From Helmsley, a riverside path and short uphill section lead you back to your comfortable hotel in Harome.

DAY TWO Harome to Hovingham: 11km (7 miles), 2.5hrs Sue and Aidan of Yorkshire Food Finder collect you for a scenic drive through the North York Moors National Park, before a behind-thescenes tour of Botton Village Creamery. You’ll be back in Harome before lunch, ready for a walk, picnic included, to your next hotel. Nunnington Hall and Gardens (a National Trust property) is en route, along with spectacular scenery along the way, to picturesque Hovingham, home to the Worsley Arms Hotel in the centre of the village.

DAY THREE Hovingham to Malton, via the Yorkshire Wolds Today you meet up once again with your guides from Yorkshire Food Finder for a day of gastronomic visits and exclusive tours at Yorkshire Rapeseed Oil and Ryedale Vineyards. A transfer to your hotel takes you past the beautiful ruins of Kirkham Priory, and through the Castle Howard estate, to The Talbot in Malton – the self-styled Food Capital of North Yorkshire.

HOW TO BOOK

From £835 per person including four nights’ b&b, all tours, transfers and most meals. To find out more and to book, visit inntravel.co.uk and search for ‘A Yorkshire Gastronomic Celebration’. You can also book by phone during office hours by calling 01653 617001. Either way, use code TST-01 to receive a goody bag of The Simple Things treats, including postcards, our bumper anthology, The Best of The Simple Things, sew-on happiness patches and more.

Terms & conditions This offer, only available with completed bookings of ‘A Yorkshire Gastronomic Celebration’ through Inntravel, is valid for bookings made before the closing date of 31 October 2019. The Simple Things goody bags cannot be exchanged for cash and, like the holiday itself, are subject to availability. Inntravel booking conditions also apply and can be found on their website.

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Win | Nights at the Theatre

We have sets of tickets to give away for The Chipping Norton Theatre

This sweet 200-seat theatre is a real gem. Sitting neatly on a quiet residential road in a Cotswolds town, The Theatre Chipping Norton is housed in a building that began its life as a Salvation Army citadel in 1888. The theatre features original, ornate railings leading you into the foyer and gorgeous painted murals on its bar walls. Its charming Box Office is housed in the cottage next door. And its productions punch above their weight, with acclaimed annual pantos (such as last year’s Aladdin, pictured above).

The Theatre will be touring its latest in-house production Skylight. A show about love, relationships and everything in between, it will make you laugh, it will make you cry and it will definitely give you plenty to think about. Following its run in Chipping Norton (11–21 September), the play goes on tour to Salisbury, Bury St Edmunds, Winchester and Portsmouth. Puss in Boots comes to The Theatre in November – with an impressive pedigree to live up to, with previous pantos having won national press coverage and featured in The Daily Telegraph’s ‘Best Christmas Shows’ for the past six years. Puss in Boots runs from 13 November until 12 January 2020.

The Theatre Chipping Norton is giving away four tickets, refreshments and more to Skylight and Puss in Boots.

What you could win

4 x tickets to Skylight at the Chipping Norton Theatre in September.

4 x tickets for the Theatre’s panto Puss In Boots, running November to January.

Ice-cream and drinks vouchers for all, plus a couple of programmes on each night out.

A Theatre goody bag to take home.

Enter via the button below before the closing date, 28 August 2019 and answer the following question:

Which panto comes to The Chipping Norton Theatre in November this year?

A Puss in Boots

B Cinderella

C Jack and the Beanstalk

TERMS & CONDITIONS Competition closes at 11.59pm on 28 August 2019. A winner will be selected at random from all correct entries received and notified soon after. Prize consists of up to 4 tickets for Puss in Boots 2019/20 price bands C and D only, and 4 tickets to the production of Skylight performing at The Theatre Chipping Norton from 11– 21 September 2019. You need to book the tickets yourself via the Box Office and they’re subject to availability. The prize is as stated, can’t be transferred or swapped for cash. The Theatre Chipping Norton reserves the right to substitute any prize with another of equivalent value without notice. You can find Iceberg Press’s full terms and conditions on page 127 and online at http://www.icebergpress.co.uk/comprules.

More from our August issue…

Playlist | Songs to help you slow down

DJ: Clare Gogerty; Illustration: Shutterstock

Slow down, you move too fast…

Listen at thesimplethings.com/blog/slowdownplaylist

More of our playlists…

More from our August issue…

Win | a cooking experience with Esse

Esse is giving away three pairs of tickets to a cookery experience at Kate Humble’s working farm in Wales

Eating good food, learning from cookery experts and soaking up the Welsh countryside are all on offer with this brilliant prize. We’ve teamed up with master stove maker ESSE and TV presenter Kate Humble to give readers the chance to win an amazing cookery experience with celebrity chef Matt Tebbutt. We have three pairs of tickets (worth £165 each) for what promises to be an unforgettable day at Kate’s working farm. Humble by Nature is perched high upon a hilltop overlooking the beautiful Wye Valley near Monmouth in Wales.

After coffee and cakes baked in the ESSE ovens, you’ll watch cookery demonstrations by Saturday Kitchen star Matt before tucking into a hearty lunch in The Pig & Apple café and bistro at Kate’s rural retreat. Matt’s demonstrations will put the ESSE 990 EL electric range cooker through its paces, to show guests the control and flexibility this British-made range cooker provides.

It’s back to basics in the afternoon as chef Jake from The Pig & Apple kitchen demonstrates the elemental delight of baking rustic flatbreads and other tasty treats in the wood-fired ESSE Bakeheart cook stove (pictured). As all good cooks and bakers know, the proof of the pudding is in the eating, so there will be plenty of delicious samples to try throughout the day. Come hungry!

To find out more about ESSE range cookers and cook stoves, visit esse.com.

NEED TO KNOW

Three prizes: 3 pairs of tickets up for grabs

When? Wednesday 11 September, from 10am to 4pm.

Where? Humble by Nature, Kate Humble’s farm near Penallt in Monmouthshire.

HOW TO ENTER

For your chance to win one of 3 pairs of tickets to attend, enter below by the closing date, 28 August 2019 and answer the following question:.

 Which wood-fired Esse cook stove will we be using at Humble by Nature?

A. Warmheart

B. Bakeheart

C. Ironheart

Terms & conditions

Competition closes at 11.59pm on 28 August 2019. Three winners will be selected at random from all correct entries received and notified soon after. Each prize consists of two tickets to the ESSE Cookery Experience on 11 September 2019 at Humble by Nature. The prize is as stated, can’t be transferred or swapped for cash, and you eed to make your own way there and back. You can find Iceberg Press’s full terms and conditions on page 127 of the August issue and online at icebergpress.co.uk/comprules.

The rules of petanque

Nothing quite says summer like the clink of pétanque balls. Lager and Gallic shrugs optional

Pétanque (or boules) is played in two teams with two sets of differently marked boules. You can play in teams of two (3 boules each); three (2 each) or one against one (3 each).

1 Draw a circle on the ground (or use a coiled rope), 50cm in diameter.

2 A player from team one stands in the circle and throws the jack (the wooden boule) to land 6-10m from the rope, a metre away from any other object. Team one throws a first boule as close as possible to the jack.

3 A player from team two tries to get a boule closer. If successful they ‘have the point’ and play returns to team one. If not, they continue to throw until they do and play passes back.

4 Play continues until one team has played all their boules. The other team then throws the rest of their boules.

5 The team with the closest boule to the jack wins and gets a point for each of their boules closer to the jack than the other team’s nearest boule.

6 The winning team draws a new circle round the jack and throws it to start the next round. Play ends when one team reaches 13 points.

You will find lots more fun for outdoor gatherings in our July ‘Embrace’ issue. It’s in shops now.

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Sponsored post | Envirokidz cereals from Nature's Path

Bring a bit of wild to your family’s breakfasts this summer

Organic cereal expert Nature’s Path now has three children’s cereals available in its ever popular Envirokidz range.

 Gorilla Munch, Leapin’ Lemurs and Choco Chimps use fun animal names, interesting facts and drawing activities on-pack to inspire children to care about the world they live in. 1% of sales are donated to support endangered species worldwide.

 Each animal featured on an Envirokidz pack represents an endangered or vulnerable species that Nature’s Path helps through its donations. Choco Chimps, for instance, (pictured above) raises money for the Jane Goodall Institute, which creates educational resources for local countries in Africa and promotes the importance of environmental stewardship.

 Gorilla Munch supports the Dian Fossey Gorilla Fund, saving gorillas through community patrols and educating and empowering children to be the stewards of the rainforest. And finally, Leapin’ Lemurs helps the Lemur Conversation Foundation and the creation of an Envirokidz Centre, which in turn provides a community and education space in Madagascar.

 And as well as helping endangered species, Envirokidz cereals taste great too. Every product is dairy free, gluten free, vegan and organic. They’re made with simple ingredients, such as crunchy corn balls, peanut butter and fair trade cocoa, with no artificial ingredients or colourings added.

 All three flavours can be bought at Morrisons, with selected products also available at Ocado and at Tesco and Asda stores nationwide, priced around £2.99.

For more information visit www.naturespath.com.

When St Swithin met Billy Bragg

‘St Swithin’s Day if it doth rain for 40 days it will remain.

St Swithin’s Day if thou be fair, for 40 days it rain na mair’

You can read more about St Swithin, the Michael Fish of the ninth century, in our July issue. But put briefly, if it’s damp on the day, invest in a good umbrella; you’re going to need it.

If you didn’t know that 15 July is St Swithin’s Day, you might know it as ‘Dex and Em’s Day’, the protagonists of the novel One Day by David Nicholl. The novel begins on 15 July as Dex and Em graduate and revisits them each St Swithin’s Day for the next 20 years. 

But what was the significance of the day for the author? A mixture of very little and random interest, it turns out. Nicholl says that he had to pick a day that would work as a graduation date and British universities tend to hold these in mid July. He wanted a day that wasn’t a ‘big date’ such as Valentine’s Day or Christmas: “St Swithin’s Day felt suitably random,” he told the Oxonian Review. But he needed a date that would resonate with the characters and act as a plot hook, too. “I liked the mythology of St Swithin’s Day, which is about our desire and inability to predict the future. Thematically that seemed right. And there’s a song about lost love by Billy Bragg that is called 'St Swithin’s Day'. To me, that song was the unofficial soundtrack to the book.” What St Swithin would have made of Mr Bragg we’re not certain, but suitably random it certainly is. We’ll be picking up our copies of One Day again to mark the date.

Read more about St Swithin’s Day in our ‘Stories Behind Superstitions’ slot in the Miscellany pages of our July ‘Embrace’ issue.

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Hive mind | reviving a bee

Spotted a bee that’s more bushed than busy? Here’s how to give him a boost

We’ve all heard the advice about reviving bees that are grounded in hot weather but there’s so much conflicting advice buzzing around, sometimes it’s hard to remember what the best thing to do is. Here’s The Simple Things’ truly simple guide to reviving a bee.

If you find a bee on the ground (not on a flower - those ones are just having a well-earned sit down), here’s what to do:

1. Mix two tablespoons of caster sugar (not demerera*) with one tablespoon of water. 

2. Place the solution close to the bee so it can have a drink. A spoon will do but most bees find it easier to get the sugar solution off a flower head, such as a chive or dandelion flower, or from a flat surface, so if it’s on hard ground just put a blob of the sugar solution on the ground next to it. 

3. Back away and give the bee some space but hover nearby to see off predators.

4. Eventually watch it fly away and feel the glow of having done a kindness for a small beast.

*And definitely never use honey. Honey can kill wild bees as you could be introducing a virus to the bee.

Other bees in a tight spot.

Damp bees

If you find a bee soaked after a heavy downpour and unable to get off the ground you can bring it inside overnight to dry off. A box with plenty of ventilation holes is a good spot for it. Don’t be tempted to keep it for any longer than necessary. Bees are not pets.

Damaged bees

Sometimes a bee that is old or has been attacked can look pretty scruffy. It’s worth trying the sugar solution trick. However, try not to get too attached. If the bee is missing wings, limbs or other bits of its body it’s probably not a good prognosis and it’s best to just let nature take its course. 

Dead bees

Are you sure? People often assume a bee is dead when it’s simply exhausted. Give the sugar solution a go and see if you can breathe new life into it before writing it off.

If you’d like to learn even more about bees, buy our July ‘Embrace’ issue, on sale now, which includes a comprehensive primer on all things bee. 

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Tutorial | herding sheep

Come-bye, and we’ll tell you a little more...

We loved chatting to Amanda Owen (aka The Yorkshire Shepherdess) for our Wisdom piece in our July issue. (You can find it in the shops or buy it online using the link below if you’d like to know more). By the end, we were all imagining ourselves giving it all up and heading off to  enjoy the peace and quiet of a hillside somewhere green and silent. (We’re sure it’s definitely all as simple as that sounds.)

So in case you fancy a career change, too, we’ve collated a short guide to sheep dog commands to get you started.

Come-bye Go to the left around the flock (clockwise)

Away (or away to me) Go to the right around the flock (anticlockwise). Remember A is for ‘away’ and ‘anticlockwise’ and C is for ‘come-bye’ and ‘clockwise’

Lie down Lie on the ground

Steady Slow down a bit

Walk on Approach the sheep (often used at the start of herding)

On your feet Stand up and be ready but don’t move yet

Look back Check your workings! Used if they’ve lost a sheep or if the dog is working part of the flock and he needs to go back for the other part

That’ll do It’s clocking off time

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How to | work a canal lock

Learn a niche skill that looks ever so impressive

It’s always a joy to be able to step up at moments of group panic and confidently and smugly say ‘I’ll take care of that’. Should you find yourself navigating a narrow boat unexpectedly (it could happen) you’ll need to be able to work the canal’s locks in order to pilot the boat up or down the water. While all about you spill their Pimms and flap their hands in despair at the paddles, here’s how to calmly and collectedly navigate a lock. Ahoy!

1. Put down your beer, like a hero.

2. For the purposes of these instructions we’re going to assume you are travelling upstream. You need one person at the tiller (the steering pole) and one person operating the lock (that’s you). Check the lock. It should be clear with no boat approaching the other way. The water in the lock has to be at the same level as you are before you can open the gates and enter it. As we’re assuming you’re travelling up the canal, if the lock is not empty when you arrive, empty it by opening the paddles on the bottom gate. Once the water is at the same level as you, you can open the gates. 

3. Open the gate nearest the boat and ask the person at the tiller to take the boat (carefully) into the lock. It is traditional to shout ‘left a bit, left a bit, NO! YOU PUSH IT RIGHT TO GO TO THE LEFT!. That’s right… No TOO FAR NOW. Lawks! You nearly had the front off it then!’ as they steadily pilot the boat into the lock. Close the bottom gate behind the boat.

4. Open the paddles in the top gate and let the water into the lock. The paddles are the big Victorian iron cog shenanigans either side of the lock. Take your special key (called a windlass), place the hole in your windlass over the sticky-outy bit on the paddle and turn it to open. Stand to the side and keep your knees out of the way. If you accidentally let go of a windlass while the paddle is raised it can drop fast and the windlass can fly off and the paddles drop suddenly, causing horrible damage to the lock or you. It is permissible to swear colourfully if this happens. As the paddles open, the boat will rise slowly in the lock like well-proved loaf.

5. When the lock is full and the levels inside the lock and in front of you are level you will be able to open the top gate. Do so by putting your back against it and slowly leaning back to push it open, rather than bending over and pushing with your hands. This ‘pushing with your back’ manoeuvre prevents injury but more importantly will help mark you out as a canal know-it-all and impress any passers-by. 

6. Let your tiller person know to bring the boat out of the gate. If you want to sound smug and irritate the person at the tiller, shout casual and unhelpful commands like ‘take it to starboard a little’. No-one mortal can remember which way starboard is when under stress and in charge of a 60ft boat. Call them over to the bank with a louche wave of the hand, then step casually back on board and resume your position at your beer.

7. Graciously bask in the admiration of your crew and never tell them that it’s actually much easier to work a lock than it is to pilot the boat through one. Ahem.

In our July ‘Embrace’ issue, which is out now, we tried out a canal boating weekend courtesy of ABC Boat Hire. They are currently offering discounts for 202 and have a few last minute deals on breaks this year, too. Pick up a copy of the July issue in shops now for more details.

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