Baubles: a bit of midwinter magick

Why Christmas your decs are more than a little magical

Hanging baubles on the Christmas tree is always a precious moment: unwrapping those fragile old friends from decades-old newspaper, squinting at the print to see what late December 1998 brought, and arranging colourful, luminescent glass balls in the dark spaces between branches of fir… Of course, four sherries and a dim light adds a bit of mystery to any event, but it’s certainly one that we relish. And some have claimed that the Christmas bauble has more than just a little magic about it…

It’s been purported that the contemporary Christmas bauble in all its garish jollity is actually descended from witch balls. Which balls? Well, quite.

Witch balls are hollow, reflective glass balls, of up to 18cm diameter, usually in blue, green or purple glass that were hung in the windows of cottages in the 18th Century. They have apparently been used for divining, for carrying salt and as simple decorative objects, among many other things. But their main use has been for warding off witches (or sometimes being given by witches to ward off other dirty, rotten spirity sorts)... No one is quite clear. Indeed the term ‘witch ball’ may even be a corruption of ‘watch ball’, that is a ball used to watch out for bad things. Like any Christmas bauble (and do try this, it’s enormous fun) if you look closely into it you will see yourself and the whole room reflected behind you. It gives you a glimpse of your entire world.

Historically, it’s been believed they might also show the future. The Museum of Witchcraft and Magic in Boscastle says that their reflective nature “keys into the idea that a witch-ball would confuse, attract and entrap evil spirits, thus protecting other items and people within the home.”

It was said that if your witch ball remained clear and bright, you could consider yourself safe, but any dimming of the ball might be a portent of Very Bad Things on the horizon. We’re talking Proper Bad Things here, not just discovering that the Downton special was on an hour earlier than you thought and you’ve missed it. Although catch-up TV means that’s not such a problem. Perhaps for an 18th-Century witch, this would have been much worse news…

So, could your Christmas decorations be even more magical than you might have thought? Well, no, probably not. The history of the Christmas bauble can be easily traced back to Lauscha in Germany where Hans Greiner first manufactured them in the late 1840s, a good many years after folk were hanging their witch balls up in their windows.

Still, it’s a good story, and who knows? Hang a witch ball in your window this December and perhaps you’ll ward off both next door’s Amazon delivery package and that dreadful friend of your parents whom you definitely didn’t invite over for festive nibbles. Repeat after us: “We DO believe in magic!”

We’re celebrating the joy of a well-loved Christmas ornament in our feature The Comfort of Things, by Clare Gogerty, in our December issue, which you can buy now if you’d like to read more.

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Recipe: Yule log

Roll up, roll up – for our festive yule log! 

This bake is just a little bit fancy but when the making of it is as leisurely and lovely as the eating of it, it’s all worth it. This is no chuck-it-in-the-oven crowd pleaser so embrace the opportunity that brings: take an afternoon off work when the house is quiet and dedicate it to some mindful baking to share with friends and family later on.

The filling

250ml whole milk
1 vanilla pod
3 medium egg yolks
60g caster sugar
25g plain flour
100g soft butter, cut into pieces 
50g hazelnuts in their skins

1. Pour milk into a heavy-based pan. Split the vanilla pod, scrape seeds into the milk, along with split pods. 2. Whisk egg yolks and sugar in a bowl until pale and creamy. Add the flour and mix until smooth. Put the pan of milk over medium heat, bring to just under the boil, take off the heat and slowly pour half of it into the egg, sugar and flour mixture, whisking well as you do so. Add the remaining milk and whisk in well, then pour mixture back into pan.
3. Bring to the boil, whisking continuously, then keep boiling and whisking for one minute, take off the heat and pour into a clean bowl.
4. Scoop out the halves of vanilla pod. Cover the surface of the bowl with greaseproof paper straight away to prevent skin forming. Cool in fridge. Once cool, remove from fridge and whisk to the consistency of a light mayonnaise. Add butter, whisking in a little at at time until the cream is smooth and quite white.
5. Preheat the oven to 180C/Fan 160C/350F. Spread the hazelnuts out over a baking tray and toast for 15–20 mins, shaking occasionally for even cooking. Leave to cool, then grind to a paste using a coffee grinder or pestle and mortar. Mix this into the cream and set aside.

The sponge

125g caster sugar
4 medium eggs
1 tbsp cocoa powder
125g plain flour
25g butter, melted, plus extra for greasing
You will need:
Two 35cm x 27cm x 2cm baking trays, greased and lined

1. Preheat the oven to 180C/Fan 160C/350F. Whisk sugar and eggs in a bowl over a pan of barely simmering water (don’t let base of bowl touch the water) for 3-4 mins until foamy and tripled in volume.
2. Transfer to a food mixer with whisk attachment or use a handheld one and whisk at high speed for 4–5 mins until mixture has cooled and clings easily to the whisk, leaving ribbon trails when you lift it.
3. Sieve cocoa into flour and gently fold in to the mixture a little at a time with a metal spoon. Do the same with the melted butter.
4. With a spoon, turn the mixture into trays and tilt so it spreads into the corners. Bake for 12–15 mins until golden and the centre is springy. Turn out onto cooling rack.

And the rest...

100g sugar
2 tbsp kirsch
Icing sugar, for dusting
500g good natural marzipan 
400g good quality dark chocolate (70%), broken into pieces
Dark chocolate curls or ‘pencils’, cocoa powder, and edible gold leaf (optional), for decoration

1. Start by making a kirsch syrup. Put the sugar in a pan with 200ml water and bring to the boil. Reduce the heat and simmer until the sugar has dissolved and you have a colourless syrup. Take off the heat, stir in the kirsch, and leave to cool.
2. Have ready a large sheet of baking paper. Turn the chocolate sponge onto it so that the top is downwards. Brush with two-thirds of the syrup, then spread hazelnut cream filling on top. Now roll up like a Swiss roll. Lift up the baking paper
and as the sponge starts to roll, tuck it under with your fingertips, then continue to lift the paper and it will continue to roll.
3. Lightly dust your work surface with icing sugar and roll out the marzipan to 2mm thick. Cut out a rectangle just large enough to wrap the log in and set aside trimmings. 
4. Brush the log with the remaining syrup, then lay on top of marzipan, off centre, seam upwards. Bring the marzipan over the top and press down lightly, so that it fits snugly. Tuck marzipan under the log and fold in the ends.
5. Mould marzipan trimmings into balls, then roll into ‘sausages’ to snake along the top of the log, pressing down lightly so they stick. 
6. Have ready a rack over a tray or sheet of baking paper. Using a palette knife or fish slice under each end of the log, lift it onto the rack. Leave these in position so you can easily lift the log up again.
7. Put the chocolate into a heatproof bowl over a pan of barely simmering water – make sure the water comes close to the bottom of the bowl but doesn’t actually touch it. Keep the heat very low so that you don’t get steam in the bowl. Keep stirring all the time and let the chocolate melt slowly, then remove bowl from heat. A little at a time, with the help of a spoon, pour the chocolate over the log until it is covered.
8. As it begins to cool and set a little, use the tip of a spoon or fork to make rough bark-like marks in the chocolate. When the coating is set enough to stay put, lift the log off the rack and onto a board or plate. Decorate with cocoa, chocolate and gold leaf, if you like. Leave for 3–4 hrs at room temperature, then put in the fridge, if necessary, in a box to keep its shine.

Taken from Patisserie Maison by Richard Bertinet (Ebury Press, £20)

This was first published in our December 2014 issue. Our new December issue is out now. If you enjoyed this recipe, be sure not to miss our feature, For the Love of Baking in there. It has recipes, by Rachel de Thample, for Austrian Linzer biscuits, Icelandic Klejner, mulled wine brownies and more. The perfect way to occupy yourself on a quiet, calm day at home during Advent.

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Cracker jokes: a short history

The men who put the cheese into the (Christmas) crackers

You might or might not know that the Christmas cracker was invented by Tom Smith, in 1847. Smith was a confectioner who sold sugared almonds wrapped in twisted paper, and very popular at Christmas they were, too. He started adding mottos and love poems to his almonds, being as they were largely bought by gents for their lady friends.

Inspired by the cracking of a log in his fire, he added the surprise ‘bang’ (because what says “I love you, my darling” like gunpowder and a minor coronary, after all?)

But it was in the 1900s when his sons were in charge of the business, that they added the paper hat. And, in the 1930s the love poems and mottos were replaced by jokes. How the old romantic Smith Senior felt about this, we couldn’t tell you.

Tom Smith’s Crackers still trades to this day and even supplies the Royal Household. Question: What does the Queen sound like when she groans at a bad joke?... No, this isn’t a gag, we were just genuinely wondering… But if it’s jokes you’re after, we have gathered together a few of the cheesiest, most groan-worthy going. Stand by with your Ba-Doom Tishes!

Q. What do you get if you eat Christmas decorations?
A. Tinselitis

Q. What do you call Father Christmas on the beach?
A. Sandy Claus.

Q. What happens when Santa’s elves are naughty?
A. He gives them the sack.

Q. Who does Santa phone when he’s ill?
A. The National Elf Service.

Q. Who hides in the bakery at Christmas?
A. Mince spies

Q. What do you call a group of chess players bragging about their prowess in a hotel lobby?
A. Chess nuts boasting in an open foyer.

Q. What did one snowman say to the other snowman?
A. Can you smell carrots?

You can find more Christmas miscellany (and some rather lovely crackers, too) in our December issue, on sale now.

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The frost report

The Simple Things’ Lia Leendertz talks us through frost in all its forms

We’re unlikely to have snow at this time of year (though never say never) but what we can enjoy is the delicately beautiful arrival of frost. Read on for an explanation of the different types and how and why they occur.

Hoar frost

From ‘hoary’, meaning aged and whitened, in reference to the shaggy and feathery coating that hoar frost leaves. It occurs under calm, cloudless skies, when there is no (or very little) wind, and under ‘inversion’ conditions: when cold air is trapped under warmer air.

Advection frost

Strong, cold winds prettily rim the edges of objects and plants with tiny spikes of frost, usually pointing in the direction of the wind.

Window frost

Also known poetically as fern frost or ice flowers, this is the frost that creeps across window frames forming swirls, feathers and other patterns, caused by the difference between the very cold air on the outside of the glass and the warmer, moderately moist air on the inside. The growth of the patterns responds to imperfections on the glass surface.

You can read more about Lia’s winter adventures in her veg patch in our December issue. Follow her on instagram @lia_leendertz. You can buy Lia’s book The Almanac: a seasonal guide to 2019 (Hachette Books) in shops now.

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The beginnings of board games

From Cluedo to Call of Cthulhu, we’ve the Mesoptamians to thank

If you’ve ever played Monopoly with an enthusiastic eight-year-old at Christmas you might have experienced the strange phenomenon by which two-and-a-half hours can seem like four-and-a-half centuries. So if you’d like to woo them away from an unending game with the lure of something that really has been going for four-and-a-half centuries, you might like to step down to the British Museum before Christmas.

The museum has on display a copy of the world’s oldest playable board game, known as The Game of Ur. “Er… what?” we hear you cry. Well, here’s the lowdown.

The game was uncovered in a tomb in a royal cemetery at Ur, southern Iraq and is thought to date from around 2,500BC, making it 4,500 years old… That’s about the length of time your great aunt likes to cook sprouts for, for context. The wood has long since decayed but the beautiful board is intricately decorated in shell, red limestone and lapis lazuli. It certainly knocks Cluedo into a cocked hat,

It’s a ‘race’ game (like Snakes and Ladders) but with a bit more skill and strategy involved, for two players.  It uses two sets of seven pieces similar to draught pieces, and the board consists of two ‘boxes’ with smaller boxes within, joined by a narrow bridge. You make your move by rolling two four-sided dice. The winner is the first person to move all their pieces through the board and off. It’s a lot more complex than that but there’s nothing more tedious than reading board game instructions un-anesthetised by half a bottle of sherry.

This year, The British Museum Shop has created a replica of the original game using ancient writings and archaeological evidence to piece together the rules. There’s also an advanced gameplay rules just in case you get too good at Ur, and even an Ur scarf, for anyone wanting to signal their approval but sit this particular ancient game out and head off for a bracing walk instead.

Now. Whose turn is it to go first?

You can read about our five favourite board games to stop boredom in our Miscellany, at the back of the December issue, on sale now.

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More from our December issue

Make: Ornament cards

During the build-up to Christmas, spare a thought for the postie with his bag full of cards. The British send more per person than any other country, so it’s not surprising that we were the originators of the first commercial Christmas card, in 1843. We have a fine tradition of making cards, too – even Queen Victoria had her kids at it.

And the Queen was spot on: making your own cards is a satisfyingly easy way to add personality and sparkle (depending on how liberal you are with the glitter) to your Christmas. It will even save you some money, too. These clever cards can be adjusted to size to allow for any desired festive greeting, whether it’s a to- the-point ‘Merry Christmas’ or a lengthier salutation. They can also double as gift tags or ornaments.

You will need:
Colourful card
9–10cm bowl or other circular shape to use as a template
Pencil
Washi tape (Japanese masking tape: there’s a colourful selection available from www.papermash.co.uk)
Glitter tape
Scissors
Hole punch
Ribbon, twine or string
Glue (optional)

Step one

Fold a piece of card in half. Trace around the bowl carefully, leaving approximately 1.25cm of space by the fold. Apply a strip of metallic washi tape to fill the space between the fold and the top of the circle shape.

STEP TWO

Cut out your ornament shape, keeping inside the pencil outline all the way round – you don’t want any lines to be visible on your finished card. Cut a straight line down each side of the metallic tape to shape the top of the ornament.

STEP THREE

Decorate the card with strips of glitter and washi tape. To make small glitter dots, use a hole punch. You can decorate both sides of the card if you like.

STEP FOUR

To create a slightly different look, get inspired by the swirls of peppermint lollipops. Mark the centre on your circle, then position triangular-shaped strips of glitter tape so that the points meet in the middle. Trim tape ends.

STEP FIVE

Open up the card and punch a small hole in the centre of the tab. Cut a piece of twine or ribbon approximately 25cm long. Fold the length in half, tie the loose ends together, then feed the looped end through the hole at the fold of the card. The knotted end will be hidden neatly inside the card when it’s closed.

STEP SIX

To make them into ornaments, decorate both sides, add the string, then dab a bit of glue in the centre to fix the two sides together. Allow to dry before hanging on your tree.

Make it mini

Handmade gift tags are a sweet finishing touch. Punch or cut circles out of card before decorating them with glitter tape.

This craft idea was first published in our December 2014 issue. MARISA EDGHILL is a Canadian craft designer and lover of pretty tapes. Her book Washi Style: Make It With Paper Tape (Search Press) is available in bookshops and online. Marisa can be found blogging at www.omiyageblogs.ca and shares crafty inspiration on Instagram @omiyage_ca.

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From our December issue…

More things to make…

Food from afar: Cornbread (and Thanksgiving)

This American soul food sounds like a simple proposition: a yeast-free loaf rustled up in half an hour to sponge up the juices from a gumbo or turn a bowlful of beans into a filling supper. But, like all cherished national dishes, cornbread stirs up strong feelings among those who grew up on it. No two recipes are alike.

First, the cornmeal: white* in the south, yellow in the north, and sometimes cut with wheat flour for a lighter, cake-like texture – a sacrilege to lovers of crumbly pure-corn coarseness. Second, the liquid: eggs are non- negotiable, but do you stir in milk, buttermilk or sour cream?** Most contentious is the issue of sweetness. North Americans tend to include honey, while southerners like it savoury, often adding onions, corn kernels or chillies.

In Britain we know cornmeal by its Italian name, and while ‘polenta’ is generally finer than the US version, it still combines beautifully with buttermilk to make a spongy ‘cornbread-lite’. But authentically gritty bread requires authentic corn – the indigenous grain native Americans lived on for millennia – so, just like our own real-bread aficionados, American foodies seek out stoneground meal.

Grittily artisan or fluffily fine-grained, the best thing about cornbread is the crust that contrasts so moreishly with its soft centre. It comes from being cooked in a smoking-hot skillet moistened with bacon fat or butter before the batter is poured in. Baked in the oven until firm, it wants to be eaten warm, although any leftovers will surely come in handy. Cornbread dressing (that’s ‘stuffing’ on this side of the pond), is a side dish that no Thanksgiving turkey should be without.

TUCK IN: You can buy stoneground heirloom cornmeal from Anson Mills in South Carolina, which ships to the UK if you fancy making your own (ansonmills.com).

*different varieties of corn produce white, yellow and even blue grains.
** used to enrich the soufflé-style variation known as spoonbread.

This feature was published in issue 41 (November 2015)

More Thanksgiving ideas

From our November issue…

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November: a final thought

Please enjoy our November back cover, along with a seasonal haiku

Some of the things we’ve enjoyed most about our November issue have been finding out about fabulous bookshops from around the world, creating nooks in which to read alone, perusing essays on autumn, and cooking comforting things perfect for a Sunday afternoon in with a rip-roaring novel.

Here’s our November haiku in homage to all that.

Reading a good book

Is so much more rewarding

With a good biscuit.

That’s all from our November The Simple Things, but our December issue should be in the shops any day now and we’re feeling rather festively excited about it.

We publish a back cover chalkboard most months and have turned some of them into postcards that you can buy here http://www.icebergpress.co.uk/shop/chalkboard-postcards-pre-order-

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Competition: win a properly festive feast

Enjoy a Christmas dinner to remember. Pipers Farm are giving away this wonderful prize… all you need to do is add veg and crackers

Tuck into a slow-grown properly free range Bronze Turkey, saddleback sausages wrapped up traditionally cured bacon, with glugs of gorgeous gravy and the most delicious natural stuffing. Pipers Farm is offering one The Simple Things reader a festive feast of its beautiful, sustainable meat products. The prize consists of:

• One whole free-range Bronze turkey (feeds 8)

• Saddleback sausages wrapped in award-winning saddleback bacon (2 packs)

• Handmade cranberry and hazelnut stuffing

• Pure free-range turkey stock

• Cranberry, orange and port sauce

The people at Pipers Farm have been making Christmases to remember for more than 30 years. Founded in 1989, Pipers Farm produces sustainable meat, enabling customers to buy from trusted ethical producers, known to them.

They passionately believe in producing wholesome, natural food that has been grown with respect for nature. The farm’s principles have remained unchanged for 30 years and you can rest assured their produce will continue to be food you can trust in. 

To enter, simply answer the following question below:

What year was Pipers Farm founded?

If you want to enjoy any treats from Pipers Farm you can order by 11am at pipersfarm.com for next day nationwide delivery. 

TERMS AND CONDITIONS: By entering this competition, you are opting in to receiving our email marketing from Pipers Farm. This promotion is only open to residents of the United Kingdom aged over 18. No purchase necessary. The promotional will run from 19/11/18 to 10/12/18. The prize cannot be refunded or exchanged for cash value. Delivery to mainland UK addresses only. The Prize is non-exchangeable or transferable. The Prize must be taken as stated and no compensation will be payable if a winner is unable to use the Prize as stated. The winners will be liable for all costs and expenses not stated relating to claiming the Prize. The Promoter may substitute the Prize for a prize of an equal or greater value if, for any reason, the original Prize is unavailable for any reason. Prrize consists of 1 whole free range bronze turkey 8 portions, 2 packs of 8 sausages wrapped in bacon, 1 250g cranberry and hazelnut stuffing, 1 500ml pure turkey stock and 1 240g cranberry, orange and port sauce. Prize must be taken before 13/12/2018. The prizes are non-refundable and cannot be exchanged for cash. By entering the Promotion, entrants confirm that they have read and agree to be bound by these terms and conditions and by the decisions of the Promoter, which are final in all matters relating to the Promotion. Failure to do so will result in the forfeiture of the Prize. No correspondence will be entered into. Aside from the use of entry data for the performance of this Promotion, the Promoter will not use personal data for any other purpose without the express consent of the entrant. All entries must be made by the entrant themselves. The Promoter does not accept any liability for the acts of any third-party Prize provider. The Promoter is Pipers Farm (Devon) Ltd, Cullompton, Devon, EX15 1SD.

The competition closes at 11.59pm on 10 December 2018. A winner will be chosen at random from all correct entries after this time and notified shortly after. Full terms and conditions are at icebergpress.co.uk/comprules.

More from our December issue…

More Christmas food inspiration…

Hanger: the struggle is real

Do thoughts of delicious food bring out the hulk in you when hungry?

If you know someone who suffers from ‘hanger’ (the condition of becoming particularly irritable when hungry), it might be time to cut them some slack. Or perhaps just cut them a slice of cake. It may sound like an excuse to either fly off the handle, or snack at will for the sake of peace, but scientists say ‘hanger’ is a genuine phenomenon.

Sophie Medlin, lecturer in nutrition and dietetics at King’s College, London, told Radio Four’s Woman’s Hour recently: “We’ve long recognised that hunger leads to irritability, but the wonderful world of social media has merged the two words and we now know it as ‘hanger’.”

And (here comes the science bit) “When our blood sugars drop, cortisol and adrenaline rise up in our bodies - our fight or flight hormones.” These then cause the release of neuropeptides, which affect the way the brain works. “The ones that trigger for hunger are the same ones that trigger for anger and rage. So that’s why you get that sort of same response,” she explains.

So now you know.

And if all that has made you hungry, well, we wouldn’t want you to leave in a bad mood. Please enjoy this recipe for Crunchy Indian Spiced Chickpeas (pictured above), which appears in our November issue and is taken from Sight, Smell, Touch, Taste, Sound: A New Way to Cook by Sybil Kapoor, (Pavilion) with photography by Keiko Oikawa.

Crunchy Indian Spiced Chickpeas

Makes 2 bowls

1 x 400g can chickpeas, drained  and rinsed

¼ tsp ground turmeric

¼ tsp chilli powder

¼ tsp ground cumin

¼ tsp ground coriander

¼ tsp amchoor powder (dried sour mango), optional

1 tsp fine sea salt, or to taste

1 tbsp cold-pressed sunflower oil

½ tsp lemon juice, or to taste

1. At least 30 mins before cooking, rinse, drain and pat dry the chickpeas on paper towels. Spread them out in a single layer on a plate.

2. Preheat oven to 200C/Fan 180C/Gas 6. Mix the spices and salt in a small bowl.

3. Place the chickpeas and oil in a separate bowl and mix well, before adding the spice mixture. Toss until completely coated, then tip onto  a non-stick baking sheet and spread the chickpeas into a single layer.

4. Bake for 35 mins, giving the tray the odd shake. If you prefer your chickpeas floury inside, remove after 35 mins. If you prefer them crunchy throughout, turn the oven off after 35 mins and leave inside for a further 15 mins.

5. Once done, leave the chickpeas in their roasting pan and season with the lemon juice. Leave until cold, then serve as needed.

These make a great snack for a chilly November evening. We recommend serving them with friends and your choice of drink, and our November Playlist, all about food, on in the background. Feeling calmer yet?... Good.

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Reader offer | Finding your voice

Whether it’s humming along to Christmas songs on the radio or belting out carols in church, December provides many opportunities to rediscover the pleasures of singing. A simple wellbeing tool, singing has the power to connect us with our bodies, open our hearts, move our emotions and express things that wouldn’t otherwise be expressed. Hang on, did you say you can’t sing? Not only can you sing, you are meant to. You came into this world knowing how to do it and loving it. Do yourself a favour and silence that inner critic. Sing on your own, in the shower, in a group, in church, in a choir. Try singing every day for a month and check how you’re feeling about yourself and others at the end of it. You might be surprised…

The Art of Mindful Silence by Adam Ford (Leaping Hare Press) 

READER OFFER

Read more in The Art of Mindful Singing: Notes on Finding Your Voice by Jeremy Dion (Leaping Hare Press). The Simple Things readers can save 50% on all titles in this series. Use the code SIMPLETHINGS when ordering at leapingharepress.co.uk.

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Cake facts: malt loaf

Photography: Patricia Niven From The Beer Kitchen by Melissa Cole

With its warming spiciness and rib-sticking texture you will not be surprised to hear that malt loaf was ‘invented’ by a Scotsman. John Montgomerie patented the recipe in 1886. He had a new process of saccharification (breaking carbohydrate into its compnent sugar molecules) which involved warming some dough with diastatic malt extract and then keeping it at a precise temperature until the extract's enzymes pre-digested some of the starch. All sounds a bit scientific to us. We’ve put all our resources into working out the ideal amount of salted butter to spread onto each slice. We’ve experimented quite extensively. We’ll let you know the results when we have them. Pass us another slice in the meantime. All in the name of science, of course.

If you’d like to make your own magnificent malt loaf, we have an excellent recipe from Melissa Cole’s new book, The Beer Kitchen, with photography by Patricia Niven in our November issue.

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Playlist | Songs about snow

In the meadow we can build a snowman…

Listen to our songs about snow

More playlists…

Create a space just for you

Hoping to carve out a study, nook or understairs hole just for you this weekend? Here’s how.

CHOOSE THE RIGHT LIGHT Sitting in your own pool of light creates a boundary. This, it says, is my area where I do my things. A floor lamp positioned directly over a chair in a corner of the room creates a reading nook. An Anglepoise directed at a desk sends a subliminal ‘I’m busy’ message.

SIT IN A COMFORTABLE CHAIR Essential, whether an enveloping armchair to curl up in with a book, or a proper office chair. Make sure everyone knows it’s your chair and your chair alone, like Martin’s in Frasier.

HAVE A SIDE TABLE AT THE READY A table beside you is necessary to put your things on. These might include a radio, a vase filled with your favourite flowers and, obviously, a mug of tea.

KEEP A BLANKET HANDY Nothing says: ‘I’m enjoying some down time’ like a throw tucked around your legs or across your shoulders.

WELCOME PETS You might not feel the need for human company, but a pet will always be welcome. A cat purring beside a computer as you type, or a dog lying across your feet as you listen to the radio, provides exactly the amount of interaction and affection required.

Read more of Clare Gogerty’s advice on creating a room of one’s own in our November issue. On sale now.

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Judith Shakespeare: heroine who never was

A short biography of an imaginary woman we should all get to know a little better

We’ve been hankering after ‘a room of one’s own’ this month. You can read about how to create the perfect R.O.O.O. in the November issue, but one thing’s for sure, a little spot somewhere in the house that is ‘just yours’, whether to glorify in mess, old books and bits of paper, or to keep like your own tiny palace, is a luxury we all would love.

In her essay ‘A Room of One’s Own’, published in 1929, Virginia Woolf asserted that a woman must have “money and a room of her own if she is to write fiction”. It never stopped JK Rowling, but to be fair she had the advantage of women’s liberation.

To prove her point that in Elizabethan times it would have been impossible for a woman to have written the works of Shakespeare, no matter what her talent, Woolf introduces us to Judith, Shakespeare’s sister. “We thought his sister’s name was Joan?” we hear you cry, as one. Well, yes, it was. No one is quite clear whether Ginny just wanted to jazz her up a bit or if she’d made a mistake. But nonetheless, Judith Shakespeare is the imaginary sister of William who appears in the essay.

She is a clever girl, with all the gifts of her brother but they come to naught: "She was as adventurous, as imaginative, as agog to see the world as he was. But she was not sent to school.” She hides her reading and study for fear of a telling off from her parents and is forced to become engaged at a young age. To avoid a life of domestic drudgery she runs away to become an actress, is roundly ridiculed by all and sundry, falls pregnant by her employer and takes her own life. “She lives in you and in me,” said Woolf, “and in many other women who are not here tonight, for they are washing up the dishes and putting the children to bed.”

The sad story of Judith Shakespeare is one of the most famous parts of Woolf’s essay and has inspired all sorts of writers and artists since. Not least, the band Shakespeare’s Sister who named themselves for Judith, and The Smiths, who recorded a song of the same name.

The inspiration we are taking from poor Judith’s short (imaginary) life is that we owe it to our literary fore-sisters to make the effort to find space for a room of our own. Because we’re worth it. Our regular feature, The Comfort of Things, in the November issue has more on how to create your very own ‘room of one’s own’.

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Our favourite fictional dogs

We all love a dog, so here we’ve rounded up some of favourites from fiction TV and film.

Dog Show: 1961-1978 by Shirley Baker. Cover photograph: Shirley Baker

To honour the publication of Dog Show, showcasing the work of photographer Shirley Baker, which is featured in November’s The Simple Things, we’ve made a list of our top five fictional dogs. Now, SIT! (And read and enjoy our best in show).

Snoopy (beagle*)

A real case of the side-act stealing the show, Snoopy was the pet of Charlie Brown, anti-hero of the Peanuts comic strip. But there’s no denying he was the real star. Known for sleeping on the uncomfy-looking roof of his kennel rather than the inside, having several alter-egos including college student, Joe Cool and a First World War Flying Ace, as well as his unlikely friendship with a yellow bird, Snoopy is world-famous and has appealed to generations of children (and beagle-loving adults). An icon in his own right, the first drawings of Snoopy were based on Charles M Schulz’s dog, Spike. *He’s always referred to as ‘a beagle’ but Schulz once said he wasn’t, he just thought ‘beagle’ was a funny-sounding word.

Snowy (wire fox terrier)

Tintin’s faithful friend Snowy is the only other character to appear in all the comic albums, he even occasionally addresses his internal monologue to the reader. Very postmodern. His original name in the French was Milou, the name of Herge’s first girlfriend, and short for Marie-Louise. He was called Snowy in the English translation for his white colour (and the fact that Snowy was short enough to fit easily into the speech balloons.

Lassie (rough collie)

Lassie first featured in a short story by Eric Knight, which later (in 1940) became a full novel, Lassie Come Home, and was made into a film by MGM in 1943, with a dog named ‘Pal’ acting in the title role. The story may well have been based on a fictional dog called Lassie depicted by Elizabeth Gaskell. Pal’s descendants continued to play Lassie in TV series over the next 20-odd years, scampering off to rescue many a child from a mine shaft or well. GOOD GIRL, Lassie.

Scooby-Doo (great dane)

Comrade and crime-busting partner of Shaggy Rogers, Scooby-Doo is the true hero of the Hanna-Barbera series that began in 1969. Famously named for a line in the Frank Sinatra song, Strangers in the Night, Scoobs has been foxing fairground thieves and eating multi-layered club sandwiches for years and continues to delight children to this day.

Argos from The Odyssey (breed unknown)

Hankies at the ready. Argos was Odysseus’s dog before he left home to fight in the Trojan war for ten years, and then spent a further decade returning home. When he finally returns, disguised as a beggar to fool his wife’s suitors, he sees Argos, his faithful, strong and speedy hound, sitting in pile of cow muck. As he walks by, Argos drops his ears and wags his tail but is physically unable to greet his master. Odysseus cries as he passes him, unable to go to his faithful friend. And Argos dies, having fulfilled his destiny of welcoming his master home to his own hall.

Jumble from The William stories (mongrel)

Jumble originally belonged to an artist and his daughter and the daughter gave Jumble to William in exchange for a kiss. Knowing William’s liquorice-water-encrusted chops as we do, we think William got the better end of the deal there and Jumble went on to be (almost) the fifth member of The Outlaws.

Toto from The Wizard of Oz (some sort of Terrier)

Toto belongs to Dorothy Gale of ‘there’s no place like home’ fame. He’s been variously thought to be either a Cairn, Yorkshire or Boston Terrier and he accompanies Dorothy on her trips to the Land of Oz. Toto does not let on in the early books - not until TikTok of Oz - that he can speak! Really, you might have mentioned this before. Toto!

Gnasher from The Beano (Abyssinian Wire-haired Tripe Hound)

Dennis the Menace’s faithful and (very) furry friend Gnasher first appeared in The Beano in 1968. He was based on the idea that dogs look like their owners and it was suggested to the illustrator that he simply drew Dennis’s hair and added arms, legs and eyes. And that is (more or less) how Gnasher remains to this day, with just a little more of his own character.

Gromit from Wallace and Gromit (Beagle)

The bright, sensitive, brainier half of Wallace and Gromit, this is a mutt with a hardcore fanbase. His birthday is 12th February (and it is marked every year in The Telegraph’s classified section), he’s known to be left-handed (a sign of his creativity and intelligence) and a NASA robot sent to probe Mars was named after him in 2005. He also loves cheese (who doesn’t?).

Pilot from Jane Eyre (Newfoundland)

Mistaken on first meeting, by Jane, as some sort of ghost-dog or dog-goblin (a doblin, perhaps?) Pilot foreshadows Mr Rochester’s entrances throughout the novel and is the first to call Jane to Mr Rochester’s aid as his horse slips on icy ground. Rewarded with so little as a cursory ‘DOWN, PILOT’ the dog is peeved as always, while Victorian women swooned, as one.

Our fictional dogs were inspired by a gallery in our November issue, taken from the book Dog Show: 1961-1978 by Shirley Baker, published this month by Hoxton Mini Press.

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A Simple Thing for November | writing your name with a sparkler

Photography: Jonathan Cherry Styling: Gemma Cherry

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Nothing quite says ‘November’ to us like the moment your name hovers in the dark air behind your fizzing sparkler, held tightly in a mitten. If you’re lucky enough to have a short name, such as Jen or Tim,  you will know the pleasure of seeing the whole thing, frozen there for a split second, before it fades. If you’re called Scheherazade, we recommend you instead enjoy drawing some simple but satisfying loops and circles with your sparkler.  

Either way, that moment, dying even as it is begun, is a once-a-year joyous thing, the memory of which makes us smile long after the sparkler itself has fizzled out to black.

We’ve more ideas on simple but beautiful ways to celebrate Bonfire Night in the November issue, on sale now.

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Recipe: Cinder Toffee

Shards of crunchy cinder toffee are made for sharing – but we doubt they’ll last long

Cinder Toffee

330g caster sugar
1 tablespoon black treacle
4 tbsp water
15g butter, plus more to grease tray
pinch of salt
1 tbsp bicarbonate of soda

1  Butter a 24cm-square baking tray and set aside. 
2  Put all the ingredients except the bicarbonate of soda into a heavy-bottomed saucepan and heat gently, stirring until all the sugar crystals have dissolved. This takes a while but don’t move on to the next stage until the mixture looks like a completely smooth sauce, grit free. 
3  Turn the temperature up slightly so that the mixture gently bubbles, using a sugar thermometer to monitor its temperature. 
4 When the temperature reaches 138C, take the pan off of the heat and tip in the bicarbonate of soda, then whisk thoroughly so that it is well dispersed through the mix. The mixture will bubble up and grow and you will need to move fast, tipping it out onto the greased tray. 
5  Leave it to cool and set completely, then break it into shards and eat.

This recipe was published in issue 41 (November 2015)

We have more bonfire party food ideas in the November issue of the Simple Things, on sale now.

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Meet a lesser known Guy Fawkes

An homage to a forgotten bonfire night (anti)hero

Photography: Jonathan Cherry Styling: Gemma Cherry

Every dog has his day, and every dastardly plot has its poster boy. But we do think Guy Fawkes unfairly got all the glory where the - let’s not forget, murderous but poorly organised - Gunpowder Plot of 1605 is concerned.

For starters, it was Robert Catesby, rather than Fawkes himself, that orchestrated the plan. Fawkes may have been in charge of the explosives, but really he is Robin to Catesby’s Batman. It seems odd Fawkes should be the one to emerge with a national celebration named for him.

But most schoolchildren could name Catesby and Fawkes with little strain. What of the other Gunpowder Plotters*?

We at The Simple Things love an underdog, so here are a few words in celebration of Francis Tresham. Tresham was a key part of the plot and possibly was himself the undoing of the entire thing. So, if you think about it, he changed the course of British history (there might have been no English Civil War for starters).

Tresham had been imprisoned for his part in the failed rebellion against the Government in 1601. He got in on the Gunpowder Plot quite late - in October 1605. He was asked to provide a large sum of cash and use of property to the plotters, but refused, instead coughing up a rather more menial amount. Clearly he had concerns about the whole shebang from the off.

It is thought that Tresham was the author of ‘the Monteagle letter’, a note penned to Lord Monteagle (Tresham’s brother-in-law) which was passed to the Secretary of State, warning Monteagle not to attend parliament on the day of the plot, and thus tipping off the Government. It’s historically been accepted that Tresham wrote the letter, though he denied it to his co-conspirators, and never mentioned it, even at the moment of his death (of natural causes) in the Tower of London.

So, did Tresham single-handedly alter the course of history with his alleged anonymous note? Well, not entirely. Yes, it was the catalyst that blew the plot apart (pun intended) but in fact, by November 5th, the gunpowder the plotters had stored away had gone the way of all gunpowder and split into its component parts, rendering it completely harmless. Had Fawkes managed to get a light to it under Parliament, it’s safe to say it would have gone off not with a bang but a whimper. It had been stored too long to do any damage.

So on Guy Fawkes’ night, let’s hear it for slightly reticent, fearful tell-tales who may not have changed history but played their part. And didn’t get caught with their hand in the gunpowder and a guilty look on their face.

Happy Francis Tresham Night! And if you’re celebrating this weekend, in the November issue of The Simple Things we have Bonfire Night recipes that will garner oohs and aahs galore, from pumpkin scones, through popcorn, to pesto for your hotdog. Sure to create more of a spark than Guy Fawkes’s November 5th efforts did, at any rate.

*The other plotters, in case you are interested, or are attending a pub quiz tonight, were: John Wright, Thomas Wintour, Thomas Percy, Robert Keyes, Thomas Bates, Robert Wintour, Christopher Wright, John Grant, Ambrose Rookwood and Sir Everard Digby.

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