Build your own | Kitchen Sink Drama

Take a pinch of righteous anger, a sprinkling of political disappointment and a good dollop of marital misery and you can make your very own Kitchen Sink Drama in minutes!

Life has been a little more gritty than usual for most of us recently, and we’ve all spent more time at the kitchen sink than we would in normal times. We’re thinking that before the predicted artistic revolution of ‘roaring 2020s’ arrives, we must surely be due a kitchen sink revival. 

With that in mind, we’ve decided to pen a short kitchen sink drama of our own, and we’d love you to join in the fun. Phone a friend of family member with a talent for writing (or just a tendency to the dramatic), choose six items from the following list and build your own kitchen sink drama. Start with a gritty location somewhere in Great Britain, decide on a scenario and build your story around your six items. We’ll take any messages from The Royal Court theatre while you’re busy. Go!

1. A north of England accent, Salford for preference

2. An angry young man, preferably wearing a grubby white vest, reading a left-wing tract aggressively

3. A secret but unwanted pregnancy

4. A difficult conversation about communism over the dinner table

5. A youthful and hot-headed idealist with a ‘jolly good sort’ name, such as Helen or Jo

6. An amiable but awkward lodger

7. The Sunday papers, strewn messily across the floor

8. An endless basket of ironing and a utilitarian-looking ironing board that’s seen some action

9. A cameo featuring a future Labour party MP*

10. A Raleigh bicycle, leaned rakishly against the set somewhere

If you love a kitchen sink but could have enough of the angry young men, turn to page 112 of our March issue, where we’ve gathered together some of the most covetable kitchen sinks we’ve seen in our My Place feature. The one above belongs to Aisling Kirwan @mylimestonehome. 

*It’s true. Hazel Blears did in fact appear as a street urchin in the 1961 film of Shelagh Delany’s A Taste of Honey. 

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More from our March issue…

More creative fun…

How to play a great panto villain

Want to invoke boos and hisses aplenty? Here’s how

In our December issue, we’ve been looking back at the very colourful history of pantomime (oh yes, we have). And the best part in panto, as we all know, is the baddie. You can keep your garish frocks and colourful tights; if you want a part you can really get your teeth into, it has to be a pantomime villain.

The first panto villain is generally accepted to be the part of the demon king, who played against Dan Leno’s Victorian dame in Mother Goose. The demon king offers Mother Goose eternal youth and beauty in return for her golden-egg-laying goose. And thus, a star (baddie) was born. Panto has seen numerous other villains since, from Captain Hook to Dick Dastardly, Abnazar to the Evil Queen in Snow White.

If you fancy yourself as an evil villain, here are a few tips on how to get started:  

Have a catchphrase

David Leonard, who played the villain for 27 years in an unbroken run at York Theatre Royal, was famous for his catchphrase “Thwarted! I’m thwarted!”, sure to elicit cheers from every child in the front ten rows.

Get a good villainous laugh

Female villains often go with a witchy cackle, but we’re big fans of a deep and resonant “Bwa-hah-hah-hah-hah”. Best delivered over your shoulder as you exit, stage right.

Make sure your eyebrow game is good

An arch villain must have an arch eyebrow. As well as having well-groomed brows, you need to be able to use them to good effect. If you can already raise one at a time, a la Vivien Leigh as Scarlett O’Hara, you’ve got a good natural skills base to work from.

Grow a twirly moustache

A dramatic ‘tache with which to twirl is a sure sign of true evil. See: Captain Hook, whose moustache was only slightly less threatening than the lethal metalwork on the end of his arm.

Learn to swoosh a cape properly

A circling (preferably black) cape gathered in a large swoosh and then brought up to below the eyes is practically the international sign for ‘I am a baddie’. Extra points if the swoosh is delivered with some explosions and dry ice as you exit the scene.

Let the audience win

To really get a theatre full of kids up on their feet and shouting you need to throw them a bone occasionally by declaring regularly how you ARE the fairest of them all, or will DEFINITELY destroy the entire known universe in order that they can shout themselves hoarse in response with an “OH NO YOU WON’T!”

Read more about pantomime’s fascinating history in our December issue, which is in shops now.

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More retrospectives to read

More from our December issue