KIZZY, SAUSAGE DOG, 8
“I’m a proud hepdog. Not like those loser, lazy hepcats, I’m an upstanding member of the canine heptathlon association of Great Britain. Well, when I say upstanding, I’m not counting the long jump (that requires a bit of a tumble). Being a hepdog takes a lot of improvisation – sticks for javelins, balls for shot-put and the gate for hurdles. Despite the failure of the Olympic Committee to recognise our sport, I believe we should get a medal for effort alone. Try the high jump with a body like mine. Now, that’s what I call real skill...”
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